


Seeing Sucks and Believing is for Suckers

by Havepenwillimagine (starchan007)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Armin sees dead people, F/F, F/M, Jean isn't good at dealing with things, Lots of side relationships, M/M, Past Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, semi-alcoholism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-01-24 07:30:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 45,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1596653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starchan007/pseuds/Havepenwillimagine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Armin grew up seeing a lot. More than he ever wanted to, really. Not like walking in on his parents having sex or seeing that kid in front of him unintentionally exposing their butt crack when they sat down. No, Armin has more experience seeing things of the more paranormal nature. Ghosts. Armin can see ghosts. But college is supposed to be different, a time for him to start over. But things never really go the way that Armin wants them to...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

All Armin Arlert had ever wanted to do was be normal, to fit in. But fate had other plans for him. Sure, it had been fine when he was younger, when no one cared who was different and everyone’s biggest concern was who got the swings at recess – which was almost never him, but that was okay, Armin knew how to share – but as they got older and all became their own people, it got worse. It didn’t help that his parents had passed away when he was in the second grade. His grandfather guessed that was what had started it, the things Armin saw. He – presumably to make him feel better about it – had called it a gift. But Armin had never seen it that way. 

It was terrifying, seeing them everywhere, seeing their injuries and their fatal wounds, seeing the looks on their faces when they realized he could see him. The ghosts. They could never harm him of course; most of them couldn’t even really communicate, or didn’t bother anyways. It wasn’t like they dropped what they were doing and followed him around – usually anyways. But the fact that he saw them at all was enough to leave him, quite frankly, traumatized.

It didn’t help that, at first, he would try to tell them to go away or sometimes even hold conversations with the friendlier ones which – though rare – were a nice change from being left completely alone. And even this was fine when he was younger and it could be passed off as a child simply having imaginary friends. However, as he grew older it led to some concern about his mental wellbeing. Concerns that had taken visits to several counselors to ensure that he wasn’t delusional and that he didn’t need to be taken away from his grandfather’s custody. At the end of it all he was left a quiet, lonely little boy, not always sure if the people he was seeing were real or imaginary and whose few comforts lay in books. 

So when his grandfather moved them out of his parents’ previous house and into an apartment in a whole other city when Armin was in the sixth grade, Armin was very relieved. This was a chance for them to start over, for him to start over. Maybe there wouldn’t be any bullies here. After all, he knew well enough to keep his ‘gift’ a secret at this point. He had begun ignoring the things he saw. If he saw someone that no one else was acknowledging, he would quietly look the other way and try to forget about it. 

But a whole new city didn’t change the fact that Armin had little experience making friends, and still found it hard to talk to new people. 

The first few days, no one was quite sure what to make of the quiet blond boy, who hid behind piles of books and hardly ever smiled. And then one day, when Armin was going up the stairs up to the apartment, a dark haired boy and a girl with a red scarf went running past him, nearly knocking him down, and knocking the books from his hands. Armin sighed and tucked his hair behind his ear, bending down to pick them up, when one that had fallen down a few stairs was held out to him. The girl was standing there, holding the book out to him silently. 

“Oh u-um…th-thank you,” he muttered. A few seconds later, the dark haired boy was back. 

“Hey, Mikasa, where’d you go?” he asked, taking in the scene in front of him. 

“You knocked his books out of his hands, Eren,” she said and the boy named Eren’s eyes widened. 

“Oh! Sorry dude, I didn’t even realize,” Eren said, and then, much to Armin’s surprise, they helped him gather up the books and carry them back to his grandfather’s apartment. Armin couldn’t get to his keys in his pocket, so he knocked on the door, knowing his grandfather would be home. The old man was too old to work and between his retirement fund and the money left to them by his daughter and her husband well, they weren’t living in the lap of luxury, but they got by. The door opened and Grandpa Arlert looked down at them, surprised. 

“Sorry Grandpa, I couldn’t get to my key,” he said. 

“Oh don’t worry about it Armin. Why don’t you come in and set your books down and then you can introduce me to your friends,” he said, stepping aside to let the trio enter the apartment, desperately hoping that that’s who the other two children were, or on their way to being anyways. He had seen them around the apartment complex before and knew they lived one floor up, but not much beyond that. Armin turned and opened his mouth, probably to correct him and say that they _weren’t_ friends, but the other boy spoke first. 

“I’m Eren Jaeger and this is my sister Mikasa. We live upstairs,” he said, holding out his hand and evidently trying to make himself seem much more mature than he was. Eren turned to Armin and cocked his head. 

“Hey, if you live here, how come I’ve never seen you around?” he asked, evidently unaware that there was anything ‘off’ about Armin. 

“Oh um…well…we haven’t lived here that long and-” 

“Yeah, but you go to our school, don’t’ you?” Eren interrupted, to which Armin could only nod.

“Well, you should hang out with us then,” he said with a grin. Armin looked to his grandfather with wide eyes and the man gave him an encouraging nod. 

“Um. Yes. Yes please. That would be very nice,” he said. Eren beamed and Mikasa smiled at him. 

“Eren and I were just on our way to the park, you should come too,” she said. 

And that was the beginning of their friendship, a thing that veritably shaped Armin into the person he was on the day of high school graduation; a smart, kind, moderately confident young man. Armin was graduating with honors and a partial academic scholarship to his first choice college. And to make things even better, the more he had ignored it, the more his curse – as he liked to think of it – had faded. Rarely did he see the apparitions any more, though unfortunately it tended to be the more grisly ones he saw; the stronger ones full of anger at their deaths. Still, they were few and far in between and for the most part Armin lived a completely normal life – even if he wasn’t sure why. 

After a few months – and quite a few rescues from bullies – Armin had decided he could trust Eren and Mikasa with his big secret. They had taken it well, maybe not believing him at first. But after a few incidents, they were forced to believe that Armin was telling the truth. To their credit, they treated him no differently, except for Eren occasionally asking Armin to check out a particular building for ghosts and the occasional light hearted teasing. 

But most of that was behind him and he and Eren and Mikasa were all going off to college in a few months’ time and, if all went well, Armin and Eren would be rooming together in the fall. Armin had no delusions that his college experience would be like something out of a movie, but that suited him just fine. There were a lot of people in college, plenty of people to meet and fit in with. He loved Eren and Mikasa, but maybe a little bit of him was hoping there would be more people who would like him and with whom he could build relationships. 

He didn’t dare to hope for a romantic one. He hoped that someday there’d be someone out there for him, but after recently coming to terms with the fact that he was gay, and then being ‘gently’ let down by the boy who’d made him realize it, he decided that he should focus on his studies and things would happen however they happened. He was also secretly glad that neither Eren nor Mikasa had gotten into relationships during their high school years – the idea of being left behind or becoming a third wheel or whatever scared him, even if he wouldn’t admit it out loud. He knew there was a chance of that happening in college, but he could at least handle being on his own now. He didn’t feel so weak and like such a burden, he was his own person, and he existed outside of his friends. It had taken most of his life to get to this point, and he still struggled with insecurities now and then, but, he was better. And now that the graduation parties were done and all his belongings were packed into the car and he was on the road, well, he was excited. 

He chatted happily with his grandfather during the drive, telling him about the classes he was looking forward to, and the things he had learned about the university on his tour there last month, and some of the famous people who had gone there. Grandpa Arlert was happy to see his grandson so happy; the man was getting on in years and it had been hard to raise his only grandson after the death of his parents, to support Armin through his difficult time and the man was genuinely happy to see the smiling young man in the seat next to him. 

“Eren and Mikasa aren’t coming up until this evening, so that’ll give me time to lay claim to whichever half of the room I want,” he said, laughing to himself. 

“Well don’t let that boy make a mess all over your things, I know how he can be,” Grandpa replied. Armin rolled his eyes. 

“You know I’m going to spend half my time cleaning up after him. Anyways, I think there’s an elevator, so you won’t have to help me carry anything up the stairs. And I’ll get the books,” he explained. 

The move in process went pretty smoothly; Armin didn’t have much to move in with him. Most of his boxes were books and the rest were clothes and his laptop that he had saved up all summer for. A few hours later, his grandfather was gone and Armin was all alone in the room. It wasn’t very big, but their beds were lofted to give a little more floor space, which would be nice. He and Eren would go later and pick up a cheap futon from one of the local stores, along with a fridge; Eren was bringing his TV and game console, so they wouldn’t have to worry about that. 

Armin put all his things away and when he was done, the room – already warm from the summer heat, was even more so. And it was muggy. And gross. Armin opened the windows and turned on a fan, hoping he could at least circulate some of the heat out. Glancing at his phone, he realized he still had another hour or two until Eren was due to be here…maybe he’d go out for coffee. It was a college town; of course there was a coffee shop around somewhere. Yep, a nice iced mocha latte would do it, especially without Eren there to tease him about his love of ‘girly’ drinks.

The blond grabbed his headphones and satchel with a favorite book, double checking and then triple checking that he had his keys and wallet before heading out. Armin had always been pretty good with directions so it didn’t take him long to find it. It was rather busy, but Armin wasn’t surprised; returning students had been able to move in a few days before and since classes hadn’t started yet, they didn’t have anything to do besides mill around and try to beat the heat. 

Armin ordered his drink, sighing to himself when they got his name wrong and then turned to find a place to sit. As his eyes scanned the room, he froze, the drink slipping from his fingers. Across the room, he had spotted a boy sitting at a table. The boy himself was rather unremarkable; he wasn’t even looking at Armin. But it was what was sitting next to him that Armin was staring at, his feet rooted to the ground and his eyes wide with fright. Because it was just so, so _wrong_ , that ghost sitting there with half of his face, half of his whole body was so torn up and mangled that it might as well have not been there at all. Yet there he was, plain as day, and looking up at Armin now, their eyes meeting from across the room. 

Armin felt sick. He had seen some horrendous sights, but none quite so bad as that. And why now? Why here? When he was just starting over! His heart was pounding in his chest and the figure was holding up a hand and shaking his head, as if he meant no harm. Armin tore his eyes away, forcing his eyes to the hand on his shoulder, the concerned look on the face of the person who was asking if he was fine. Armin couldn’t help it, he looked back to the apparition. The boy who was sitting at the table completely unaware of the ghost’s presence had looked up at him now, staring at the scene he was causing.

“I’m sorry,” Armin whispered, looking at the exasperated employee who was coming to clean up his mess. 

“E-excuse me,” he muttered and bolted from the shop. 

Outside was no better, the heat and humidity surrounded him and only added to the feeling of being overwhelmed. He ducked into one of the many bookstores and took a deep breath of the slightly stale, but blissfully cool air. He had to get a grip. This was nothing new, it didn’t mean anything. He didn’t see any other people around, any other disfigured ghosts. It was a fluke, that was all, and he had overreacted. Somehow, the sudden appearance of the disfigured boy had startled him back to the time when he was just a child and he had seen the first specter.

He felt like such a fool…Eren and Mikasa would probably be disappointed in him. And the poor guy had done his best to seem nonthreatening… Armin sighed. He’d have to apologize to him if he ever saw him again which, Armin was rather hoping he didn’t. The employees in the book shop were starting to stare at him now, since it was obvious he had no interest in buying anything. So Armin gave them what he hoped was a friendly smile and waved before heading out into the summer heat. When he got back to his dorm, he decided that it would be best to take a very long, cool shower and when he got back, Eren was there. 

“Hey man, enjoy your shower?” he asked, unpacking some of his clothing into the dresser. Armin shrugged and Eren looked at him, frowning. 

“What’s up? You look kind of…wigged out.” 

“I went to get coffee today and I saw something and kind of…completely lost my cool,” Armin admitted, grabbing some underwear. 

“Something like, a ghost something? Thought you said that stopped happening?” 

“It did. Or so I thought. And it was horrible to, he was all like, crushed and mangled one side,” Armin said, shivering a little and making a face as he recalled. “But still, I didn’t need to freak out like that. And yes, I’ll be fine,” Armin said, already seeing that look in Eren’s eyes that tended to show up when he was being bullied. “It’s just a ghost, nothing I’ve never seen before. It’s probably just because I’m nervous about college.” 

Now Eren grinned.

“Dude, I can’t believe we made it. I’m so excited, and I can’t wait to find some parties to go to.” 

Armin rolled his eyes but couldn’t help but smile. 

“Someday I’m going to realize what a bad influence you are.”

“You’ve been saying that since middle school,” Eren retorted.

Armin could only laugh because it was true. He gave a final thought to the boy he had seen in the coffee shop and then put it from his mind, enjoying his new freedom and his evening with his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so recently I just completely fell in love with the Jearmin ship and I just wanted to contribute something nice and (hopefully) a little original to the fandom, so I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> In regards to this chapter, I realize you don't see much of Jean, but that's intentional and we'll get there in time. As for the updating schedule, I'm trying something a little new this time, so hopefully updates will come about once a week and I'll have this thing finished and out the door before I spend a month and a half without internet.


	2. Chapter 2

But, as always, fate seemed to have other plans for Armin. Plans that involved neither fitting in nor having a normal college experience, as he discovered when he walked in to the lecture hall of his final class on Monday afternoon. The day had gone smoothly for the most part, he had managed not to get too turned around or lost and hadn’t seen anything else unusual. 

Until that moment, anyways. 

He was, apparently, one of the last people to arrive to the hall – in his defense he hadn’t realized quite how long it would take to walk from one end of campus to the other. But still, he wasn’t late at least, though there were very few seats left. As he looked around, he realized with a sigh that his only option would be climbing over several of his classmates to the middle of a row, which was not something he felt like doing. That was when he saw him; the ghost from the other day, waving at him from across the room like he wanted him to come over there. 

Armin hesitated for a moment and then, against his own better judgment crossed the floor over to him. Quickly the ghost got up from the seat he had been occupying; one that everyone else in the room seemed to have somehow known to avoid. Armin hesitated and then cleared his throat, catching the attention of the boy sitting beside the empty seat. 

“Um, excuse me, is someone sitting here?” he asked, despite knowing full well that no one was. 

“No, it’s fine,” the boy said, pausing the game on his phone before looking up at Armin. When he did, his forehead creased a little and he frowned. 

“Hey, aren’t you that guy from the coffee shop yesterday?” he asked, squinting up at Armin. 

“Uh n-no, no, I think you must have me confused with someone else, I-”

“No, no, I remember, you came in, dropped your drink and ditched. Was that your idea of a prank or something?” Armin could feel his cheeks heating up and the heat prickling at his forehead. 

“No…I didn’t mean it to be,” he mumbled. “I’ll just go sit somewhere else, sorry to bother you,” he muttered and turned away, determinedly looking away from the mangled corpse just a foot or so away from him. 

“Aw, come on man, you don’t have to be like that. There’s like nowhere else to sit anyways. I just thought it was weird is all,” the boy said. 

Armin sighed to himself and turned back, embarrassed at how quickly he had lost his nerve. He sat down and looked down at his lap. He fidgeted a little and then took out his notebooks, setting them on his little desk. The boy next to him had gone back to the game on his phone so Armin opened his notebook and started by writing the alphabet in capital letters across the top of the page. He turned in his seat a little, catching the ghost’s eye and making sure he was looking. 

_‘Sorry about the other day. Didn’t mean to freak out,’_ he wrote. It took the ghost a second to understand what Armin wanted before he began pointing to the letters. 

_‘It’s okay. How can you see me?’_

_‘I don’t know, I just can. Can you talk at all?'_ The ghost shrugged. 

_‘Don’t know, never tried’_

_‘Okay. So why are you haunting the kid next to me?’_

Was Armin unknowingly sit next to a murderer or something? Or some kind of psychopath? But then again…the ghost beside him didn’t’ seem particularly angry… As if confirming Armin’s thoughts, the ghost shook his head 

_‘Not haunting. Watching over.’_

Watching over? Watching over for what? What could a ghost possibly do? And that was something Armin had never seen before, a ghost sticking around to ‘watch over’ someone from the living. 

_‘Best friend. Worried about him.’_

Well as if that helped to make Armin any less curious. The guy seemed fine after all. But then again, so did Armin most days… The blond shook his head. It was none of his business and sticking his nose into it wouldn’t help him get that ‘normal college experience’ he was hoping for. He jumped a little, felling a tap oh his shoulder. 

“Hey, you got a pencil I can borrow?” The live boy asked. 

“Oh, yeah, here. Um, I’m Armin, by the way,” Armin said, pulling one from his bag and handing it to him. The boy took it with a nod. 

“Jean Kirschtein,” he replied. 

Armin couldn’t help but notice that he was actually kind of cute… Not that it mattered in the slightest. No sir, Armin was going to get through this class, take whatever notes he needed to and then leave and forget all about the ghost and the sandy haired boy beside him. It was fortunate for Armin then that the professor – a woman named Hanji – started class. She didn’t get much into the subject material, though she seemed very eager to get to what she called the ‘meat’ of the class. But that day all they really did was go through the syllabus and the grading procedures and she let them out a little bit early which Armin was grateful for. Jean seemed eager to get out of there as well because almost as soon as she dismissed them he was up, putting Armin’s pencil on the desk and scooting past him. 

“See you round Aaron,” he said, shouldering his bag and walking up the aisle and out of the room. Armin stared after him. 

“Um…it’s Armin,” he said to Jean’s retreating back, too quietly for him to hear and torn between indignation and uncertainty. What a jerk! And after Armin had lent him his pencil and everything… At least the ghost had gone with him at any rate. 

Armin sighed and slid his notebook into his bag as the hall began to empty and he followed the crowd out of the room, stepping off to the side and out of the way as he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He glanced down to the screen to see a text message from Eren. 

_Dinner with me and Mikasa?_

Armin thought for a second, wondering how long it would take him to get back to the dining hall before texting back. 

_Sure, meet you guys in about 20_

And with that he headed on his way, eager to tell Eren and Mikasa about his first day at school as well as hear whatever stories they might have. At least he was right in telling them that it would only take about twenty minutes to get there. When he walked into the building he saw his friends standing near the entrance to the dining hall waiting for him. They waved him over and he smiled at them. 

“Hey guys,” he said in greeting. 

“Okay, You’ll never guess what happened to me in this class earlier. Okay, so you know how on the first day teachers never really do anything, right? So I was on my phone and this asshole TA comes up and yanks the damn thing out of my hands, just like that!” Eren ranted, clearly outraged that such a thing could happen to him. 

“And then he says, ‘The professor’s talking, brat. Pay attention,’ and then just walks away with my phone! Like what the hell?” Armin rolled his eyes, handing his meal card to the attendant to be let into the cafeteria. 

“You should’ve been paying attention then,” he chastised. 

Eren looked outraged that his friend would dare side with a person of authority; as if Armin had never done that before. But before Eren could continue, Mikasa clapped a hand over his mouth.

“He’s right Eren, you should’ve at least pretended to pay attention on the first day,” she said, and her tone indicated that she had already heard Eren’s story. He had probably been complaining about it since they met up.

“Anyways,” Armin said, catching Eren’s attention as he grabbed a tray. “Did you get the phone back?” 

“Yeah…I had to go up and ask for it back at the end of the lecture, after he was done talking to every other person who had a question. And he made me say ‘please’ and everything. It was totally fucked up,” he said, going red in the face. 

Armin couldn’t help but laugh at him. For Eren Jaeger, that must’ve been quite humiliating. Eren just muttered something about going to find a table before heading off. Mikasa just shrugged at Armin and followed after him. Feeling suddenly thirsty, Armin decided to go get something to drink before going after them. 

Once they were all seated, they just talked for a while; Mikasa told them about her roommate – she had gone in blind and the girl’s name was Annie Leonhardt – and how they hadn’t talked much but she thought they’d probably get along. Eren ranted some more about his TA and then the two looked expectantly at Armin.

“Oh um...I had an…interesting day I guess. Eren, you remember that ghost I told you about?” Mikasa looked up at him sharply. Apparently Eren hadn’t told her… 

“Well yeah, he was in my last class today. He’s um, following this boy around, ‘watching over him’ apparently. I don’t get it. The guy’s kind of a jerk, really. I mean, I introduced myself and he barely paid any attention to me, not to mention he was teasing me about what happened in the coffee shop, and then he asks me to lend him a pencil, which of course I did, and then when he leaves he just goes, ‘See you round Aaron’! He couldn’t even remember my name,” Armin huffed. Mikasa raised an eyebrow, not to be distracted. 

“I thought you said you stopped seeing that stuff,” she said. Armin shrugged and pushed some corn around on his plate. 

“Well yeah, I did. I wasn’t lying to you guys. I don’t know why I can see him. But he’s the only one I’ve seen,” he said, feeling suddenly a little defensive. 

“Besides, he didn’t try to hurt me or anything. I’m fine Mikasa, I promise,” he assured her, giving her a smile.

And he was. He might not have all of Eren’s loud determination or Mikasa’s quiet strength, but he could at least take care of himself. When he looked back up, Mikasa was eating like nothing had happened and Eren was still going on about that class and how stupid it was. Armin sighed to himself. He was fine. He knew why his friends were worried, but really, it was just one ghost and there was no reason for it, it just was. And he wasn’t going to do anything about it. He would never even have to see Jean ever again if he didn’t want to.

Except apparently he did want to, because next Wednesday he found himself sitting in the same seat beside Jean in that lecture hall. Not because he gave a fig about Jean, but he wanted to know more about Marco. He usually only saw angry ghosts, so maybe there was more to him than Armin thought. But that was the only reason he was there. 

_‘What’s your name?’_ Armin wrote. 

_‘Marco’_

_‘Can I ask how you died?’_ Marco shook his head. 

_‘Not yet please.’_ Armin felt a little embarrassed. That had been a very personal question after all.

But Armin was just so curious! It wasn’t in his nature to let things go. It wasn’t that he was a busy-body or anything like that. He just had a natural curiosity and he loved to learn, and he hated being denied knowledge. Somehow, Armin could tell that Marco was done talking with him for the time being though. He glanced at Jean and reached for a book, but for some reason, though he should’ve known better, he couldn’t help himself. 

“You got my name wrong the other day,” he said. Jean looked up, startled and Armin repeated himself. 

“My name. It’s Armin, not Aaron,” he said.

“Oh. Sorry. Armin, huh? That’s a weird name.” Armin frowned and Jean shrugged. 

“Well it is, sorry." And Armin understood that he was not really sorry at all.

“Are you always so direct, or am I just special?” Armin asked dryly and Jean gave a bit of a smirk and shrugged. 

“Yeah, can’t help it. I’ve always been that way,” he said. 

“Well it makes you seem like a jerk,” Armin said, surprising himself. Since when was he so blunt?

Jean raised an eyebrow. 

“Huh. Well you’re less of a doormat than I thought.”

A doormat? Okay, so maybe he wasn’t the most confident person, but he wasn’t a doormat. Armin was beginning to like Jean less and less the more he talked. But Armin found himself responding anyways. 

“Look, I’m not a doormat and you’re being kind of rude,” he said. At this Jean backed down a little. 

“Sorry, sorry. I know I tend to rub people the wrong way sometimes. Don’t mean to,” Jean said, looking at least a little abashed. 

Armin sighed. Perhaps he shouldn’t be so hard on him. Afterall, he had proof that Jean’s best friend had died not too long ago. He tried to imagine what it would be like to lose Eren or Mikasa…he couldn’t do it. 

“It’s fine. Just, try to tone it down okay?” Armin asked, going for a compromise. 

“Yeah. So…Armin, right? I got it right that time?” Armin smiled, feeling a little more at ease. 

“Yeah, you got it right,” he said. 

“So are you a sophomore?” Jean asked. Armin shook his head.

“Nope, just a boring old freshman,” he said, actually a little surprised that everything about him didn't scream it.

“Oh, I'm a sophomore this year. Doesn't feel much different though, to be honest.” 

And they ended up chatting for next few minutes before the class started and they fell silent, both taking notes as Hanji went through the material. She was a little over zealous but at least she seemed to enjoy the subject. Armin was a little surprised to find that Jean didn’t rush out the same way he had the other day. 

“Man…I feel like I’m gonna have a hard time in this class,” Jean said with something of a sigh. Armin shrugged. 

“I don’t know, I don’t think it’ll be that bad if I keep up with the reading,” Armin replied. Jean looked at him skeptically. 

“You actually read the textbook?” Jean asked. Armin frowned a little. 

“Yes…is that…do you not?” 

Jean chuckled and shook his head. 

“Nah, I’ve got other things to do,” he said. Out of the corner of his eye, Armin saw the expression on Marco’s face change and it made him uneasy. 

“Well, if you fall behind or anything, I could try to help,” Armin offered before he could stop himself. He was used to helping Eren in the classes his friend struggled with, but he knew this was completely different. And to his non-surprise, Jean laughed again. But Armin was used to this too. He had always been the smart, quiet one, who drew unwanted attention and got picked on. He guessed he should never have expected it to be different in college. But then… 

“Yeah, sure, that sounds good Armin,” Jean said and Armin just stared at him for a second. 

“Wha…oh. Okay. Yeah, okay then. Do you want to um…maybe exchange numbers?” Armin asked, feeling a little bit nervous and waiting for Jean to shrug him off. To be fair, Jean did hesitate before agreeing. They handed each other their phones and each punched in their numbers and maybe Armin’s heart was beating just a little – read a lot – faster when Jean handed it back to him. 

“Well, I’ll see you next week then Armin,” Jean said with a grin that did nothing to help Armin’s heart rate before he headed out. Armin turned when he thought he felt a hand on his shoulder, thinking he was perhaps in the way of another classmate. To say that he got a bit of a nasty shock to find Marco behind him was an understatement. 

“Don’t do that!” he hissed under his breath. Marco at least looked apologetic but there was also a strange light in his eyes as he looked at Armin and Armin couldn’t help but feel he was getting in way, way over his head. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked uncertainly; he and Marco were the only ones left in the room at this point. 

“And shouldn’t you be following Jean or something?” Marco just smiled; a look that could only be described as frightening given the state of Marco’s face. He opened his mouth and for a moment Armin thought he’d speak but…nothing came out. Armin reached down to get his notebook again but Marco just shook his head and when Armin blinked he was gone. Somehow Armin got the feeling that wasn’t going to be the end of whatever that was…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are, Chapter 2! Now we're seeing a bit more of Jean and his wonderful personality. But don't worry, it gets better. Thanks to those of you who came back to read, and (of course) to those who are just joining us. As always, I hope you enjoy!


	3. Chapter 3

Sometimes Armin hated being right as often as he was. It had been a few days since his last encounter with Marco, much to Armin’s relief. Now that he was more or less used to Marco’s appearance he didn’t find the other quite so frightening, but that didn’t mean he wanted him around all the time. It was Friday afternoon and Armin was finished with his classes and looking forward to the weekend. However, Eren – who didn’t have classes on Fridays- had turned off his alarm clock and as such, Armin had barely made it to class on time and hadn’t had a chance to shower. But since he was done for the day, he figured that now would be as good a time as any.

He was just toweling off when he reached out to wipe a hand across the mirror and nearly screamed; Marco was standing behind him looking like something out of a horror movie. Armin was grateful he at least had his towel wrapped around his waist. 

“What are you doing here?” he spluttered, very red in the face. To his credit Marco looked very embarrassed. 

“Sorry…” he muttered. His voice surprised Armin but mostly because it was so…normal. He had figured that Marco might even be incapable of speech, given the extent of the damage done to his body. But then again, Armin saw the supernatural but he had never pretended to understand it. 

“Why are you here?” Armin asked again. “And couldn’t you have waited until a different time?” 

“Well…there was no way I could’ve known you were in the shower,” Marco said but Armin couldn’t help feeling like Marco could’ve come back later. Unless… 

“So what do you need? Do you want me to try and talk to Jean and tell him that you’re-” Armin stopped when he saw how Marco was shaking his head. 

“No, I don’t want him to know about me. It’s been hard enough for him already.” Armin waited for him to elaborate but he didn’t.

“Okay…so….?” He prompted.

“I just…Can you hang out with him?” he asked. Armin stared at him. 

“What?” 

“Just, text him and ask him to hang out tonight.” 

Truthfully, Armin had had no clue what to expect when Marco had shown up, but somehow he was still surprised. What kind of request was that? And why did Marco want him to do it? Jean probably had a ton of friends, all of whom – Armin was sure – were a lot cooler and a lot more fun than he. Not to mention, he didn’t know the first thing about Jean, and Jean didn’t know anything about him either. They probably didn’t even have anything in common! 

“Why?” he finally asked. Marco looked hesitant and then shook his head. 

“I can’t tell you. But will you please do it?” he asked.

And Armin wanted to be outraged, he really did. Because just because he could see Marco didn’t mean he owed him any favors, not to mention, maybe he’d had his own plans and things to do. But somehow, the look of almost desperation in Marco’s good eye made him hesitate. He sighed. 

“Fine,” he finally agreed. “But don’t blame me if he says no. And another thing, please don’t just pop up on me like that,” he said, feeling more than a little exasperated. Marco smiled and nodded enthusiastically. 

“Thank you Armin, really,” he said and Armin could tell he was being sincere. The blond sighed. What was he getting himself into? “

Hey, Armin, aren’t you done yet? Hurry up, I have to piss.” Eren’s timing was impeccable. As always. Armin rolled his eyes.

“I’ll be out in one second,” he called back. 

But when he turned again, Marco was gone. This was getting ridiculous. Who did Marco think he was, the damned Batman? Shaking his head Armin quickly brushed his hair and teeth all the while doing his best to ignore Eren, who was standing right outside the door when he opened it. 

“Took you long enough!” The dark haired teen said, rushing in and slamming the door. When he came back out a few moments later he fixed Armin with something like a stern look. 

“So were you talking to yourself in there or what?” he asked. 

“What? No, why?” Armin asked, doing his best impression of nonchalance. 

“Well because I heard you talking and I’m about nine thousand percent sure you were in there by yourself. So, who was it?” he asked. 

“It was my secret boyfriend,” he said rolling his eyes as he sat down at his desk to do some reading. 

“Really? You have an imaginary boyfriend? Dude, that’s so sad.” Armin loved Eren, but sometimes his friend could be really oblivious. Oh well, it was probably for the best. Armin had the feeling his friends would discourage him from getting involved in the whole Jean/Marco situation… But knowing this didn’t stop him from picking up his phone a few minutes later. It was almost one in the afternoon…That was an acceptable time to make plans for the evening, right? When he asked Eren for his opinion, his friend stared at him. 

“You’re going to text someone and make plans? You? Go out?” he asked incredulously. 

“Yes Eren, and thank you so much for that vote of confidence,” Armin said just a little scathingly. 

“Oh, come on man, that’s cool! Who is it?” he asked, suddenly excited. Well, Eren was his best friend. He might not have to tell him the whole truth but there was no reason to lie to him… 

“A guy from one of my classes,” he said. Except now Eren was immediately suspicious. 

“A guy huh? You sure he’s not trying to like, make a move on you, right?” he asked seriously. Armin laughed.

“I’m about to text _him_ , remember Eren?” 

“Oh yeah…well still! Just be careful if you do go out somewhere okay. Don’t go to any parties without me. And you can always call me or Mikasa if you need help or anything,” Eren said. 

Were Armin anyone else he might’ve been annoyed by his friends apparent belief that he was incapable of taking care of himself. But, all Armin could feel was grateful. Eren might be brash and might get on his nerves sometimes, but he was a good friend. Armin was lucky. Briefly he felt a twinge of guilt for not being entirely honest… But he shook it off. He was a big boy and he could handle things on his own just fine. He picked up his phone and quickly typed up a text message to Jean.

_Hey Jean, not sure if you remember me but it’s Armin from bio. I know we see each other in class, and hopefully this doesn’t seem weird or anything, but I was wondering if you wanted to hang out with me tonight or something. Let me know : )_

He stared at it for a moment, doubting himself. It sounded so stupid! There was no way anyone would say yes to that, he sounded so desperate and pathetic. And maybe he was, but he didn’t need the rest of the world knowing that! He deleted the message and set his phone down. Nevermind, it was a stupid idea. But just a second later he reached for it again.

_Hey Jean, it’s Armin. Wanna hang out later tonight?_

There…that was better, right? Armin hit send before he could lose his nerve again. After a moment, he picked it up again and checked it, even though he knew it hadn’t gone off. When he did this three more times in as many minutes, he realized he needed to do something else. Jean was probably just busy; he might even have still been in class. There was no need for him to be so paranoid…what was the worst that could happen? Well, Armin knew what the worst that could happen was; Jean would say no. But in the grand scheme of things well, there were worse things in the world. But that didn’t help him calm down any, which only served to make him more frustrated with himself. It wasn’t as if he was asking Jean on a date, they were just going to hang out, nothing more and nothing less. 

Armin forced himself to get up and leave his phone on the desk and take a text book over to the futon he and Eren had gone and gotten on Wednesday evening. He opened it up to the current chapter and, within moments he was lost in it, eyes racing over the pages, drinking in the information. At least until he heard his phone go off some time later – he wasn’t really sure how much time had passed. He got up and walked over to it with his heart pounding in his chest and that feeling in his stomach that often seemed to come with riding up a hill on a roller coaster. 

_Sorry Armin, I already have plans_

Armin didn’t know what he’d been expecting…of course Jean would say no. He might not even have plans at all, but was just being nice to Armin, letting him down gently and all that. Oh well, at least he had followed through on his agreement with Marco. Hopefully that’d be the end of all of this… Except then his phone went off again.

_How about tomorrow night?_

Armin just stared at the screen. Was this…real? Well of course it was, he was looking at the message in his hand. But…Jean really wanted to hang out with him? Armin couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his face as he hurried to type back.

_Tomorrow works just fine!_

He sent it and then immediately thought that maybe he should’ve waited so it wouldn’t have seemed like he was sitting there staring at his phone with nothing else to do but wait for Jean to text him. Which might have been the truth but Jean didn’t know that. But after a few minutes, Jean texted him again.

_Sounds good. Catch up with you later then. Ttyl._

If Armin weren’t one to overthink things, he might’ve responded again. But since he was he decided there was a note of finality in Jean’s last message that meant he wasn’t supposed to. But he was still irrationally excited. He had made plans to hang out with a classmate. And during the first week of class to! He knew he was stupidly pleased with himself, but that didn’t make the feeling go away. Nor did he want it to. 

Tomorrow evening couldn’t come fast enough. But time passed as it always did, regardless of how quickly Armin wanted to be able to go to sleep so he could – hopefully – sleep most of the afternoon away. Of course he knew that wouldn’t happen. Armin had never been good at sleeping in very late…even if Eren had no problem snoring like a buzzsaw until one o’clock in the afternoon. Having already showered and gone to get breakfast by himself, Armin was at his desk reading. 

Or trying to anyways. 

He didn’t want to be a jerk and wake Eren up, but seriously! How could he sleep for so long, and be so loud? Finally deciding that he was fed up with it, Armin grabbed his pillow off his bed and – standing on his toes so he could reach better – stood in front of Eren’s loft, swinging his arm to hit his friend.

“Eren! Wake up, it is one thirty!” he hissed. Eren gave a sleepy grunt. 

“Whatdya want Armin?” he muttered, rolling over. 

“I want you to stop snoring!” Sitting up and rubbing his eyes, Eren shot his friend a dirty look. 

“Come on, I had a late night,” he said. Armin didn’t see how it was his problem that Eren – quick to make friends, despite his hot headedness – had stayed up until the wee hours of the morning down the hall playing video games with some other guys. 

“Well I didn’t and I’m trying to do some homework,” Armin replied going back to his desk. 

“Well don’t take it out on me that you’re so nervous about hanging out with that guy,” Eren grumbled, in one of his rare moments of insight. Armin sighed and leaned back, closing his textbook. 

“Sorry,” he muttered. A few seconds later, one of Eren’s pillows hit him in the back of the head. 

“Hey, I’m just messing with you. I can still go with you if you want,” he offered – something that Armin had already refused more than once. He knew how Eren could be – overprotective and pushy, and he got the feeling that he and Jean would not get along… 

“No Eren, that’s okay. I’m just a little nervous, but I think I’ll have fun. Though….I don’t even know what we’re doing,” he admitted. Armin knew from the little pop ups on the cafeteria tables that there were movies shown on campus on weekends, and he had gathered there was an arcade somewhere in the area… but he didn’t know. 

“Well, you’ve still got all day. Quit worrying you dork,” Eren said, yawning. “Hey, what time did you say it was? I’m starving.” Armin rolled his eyes. 

“It’s around one thirty. The cafeteria should be open if you want to go get something,” he offered. 

Within moments, Eren had thrown on enough clothing to be decent and they had texted Mikasa to meet them down in the caf for what ended up being a rather long lunch affair between the three of them. Like Eren, Mikasa was also pleasantly surprised to find out that Armin had plans to hang out with someone new and Armin was torn between feeling proud of himself for it, and embarrassed with himself that it was such a shock to everyone else. He guessed he couldn’t blame them really…after all, he had been surprised himself. 

When they got back to the room Armin decided that it was late enough in the afternoon to text Jean and figure out what they would be doing. 

_Hey Jean, got anything in mind for later?_

For some reason, it was a lot easier to send the message this time. He hoped that was a good sign. Maybe he and Jean could actually be friends. His phone buzzed in his hand.

_Sorry Armin, something else came up. Maybe some other time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Here's chapter 3, a little late due to the Holiday weekend. The next chapter should be up on time though! There is one little snag however. When planning out this story, I didn't do very well as far as thinking ahead, and as such, I will probably not be able to finish it before I leave for my 5 week trip to Europe. As such....
> 
> AFTER CHAPTER 4 (the next chapter), THERE WILL NOT BE ANOTHER UPDATE UNTIL JULY 12 (at the earliest).
> 
> Please don't think I've abandoned the story, I promise I won't. Anyways, thanks for reading! :D


	4. Chapter 4

Armin stared at the screen of his phone, waiting for the painful squeezing sensation in his chest to go away. For another hour he held onto the hope that Jean would text him back once more, maybe with an alternate date again. He couldn’t bring himself to ask. Eventually, he gave up. He should’ve known it was too good to be true. Guys like Jean just didn’t want to hang out with guys like Armin. If Eren noticed a change in Armin’s demeanor, he didn’t comment on it and Armin was grateful for that. He didn’t want to admit that he had been blown off. Again. When Eren did ask what time Armin was leaving, the blond just shrugged. 

“Later.”

“Oh, alright. I was just checking. Cuz I’m gonna go hang out with Sasha and Connie in a little while. Uh…you can come, if you want,” Eren offered, and Armin could tell he was trying for that tone of nonchalance. He smiled. 

“I’ve already got plans, remember?” 

Eren looked momentarily suspicious but seemed to reach the conclusion that Armin had no reason to lie to him about it. To be fair, Armin did feel guilty. But he didn’t know Eren’s new friends very well and he didn’t want to be the odd one out or have to rely on Eren to babysit him. He could just stay home and read or try his hand at some video games or something. He was perfectly capable of entertaining himself. And when Eren came home and it was glaringly obvious that Armin had never left well, he’d find something to say when the time came. And so, a short while later Eren was gone and Armin had changed into some lounge clothes, made himself a cup of tea in the microwave and was settling onto the futon with his favorite book in his hands. 

“Armin!” The voice made him jump; It wasn’t Eren and as far as Armin knew, he was alone in the room. He felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach… Marco was standing by the door, looking every bit as gruesome as ever. But that wasn’t what bothered Armin. No, what bothered Armin was the look on his face. He was afraid. What did ghosts have to be afraid of? Unless… 

“What is it Marco? What happened?” he asked, setting his drink down and standing up. 

“I know Jean blew you off, but please Armin, you have to go get him,” Marco said. Armin’s eyes narrowed and he folded his arms over his chest. 

“I don’t have to do anything. Come on Marco, I’ve played along with you so far and all it’s gotten is me sitting alone in my dorm room on a Saturday night,” he replied, hoping he sounded angry instead of hurt. Marco’s eye softened. 

“I know Armin…It’s just…please? I won’t bother you again. ” Armin had had enough. 

“No Marco, I’m sorry, I’m done.” He didn’t like turning the dead boy away, but he had his own issues to deal with and Jean obviously didn’t want to be friends. He wasn’t going to stick his nose in something that wasn’t his business, regardless of how curious he was. 

“Please Armin. He’s in trouble.” Marco’s voice was quiet and Armin could hear how concerned he was for his friend. He tried to put himself in Marco’s shoes, if Eren or Mikasa were in trouble. The blond sighed.

“Alright…let me go and put something else on. Go…wait in the hall or something,” he said and quickly changed back into the clothes he had put on earlier. What was he doing? This was so beyond ridiculous. And yet, he didn’t go back to his futon like he should’ve, back to his book and his boring, lonely evening like a good little dork. He closed and locked the door behind him and sighed. 

“Okay…where are we going?” he asked. 

“I don’t…know. I can get to him but I don’t really know where he is.” Oh…that was just perfect. It was brisk outside and looked like it might start raining. Armin really hoped it didn’t.

They walked for quite some time and found themselves on a lonely street, dotted with streetlamps and dark houses; far from campus and any frat houses that Armin knew of. Where were they going? He was beginning to worry. Would he be in any danger way out here? He realized with a jolt that he didn’t have his phone. No one knew where he was but Marco, and a fat load of good that was when he was the only one who could see him... That was when Armin saw him – someone was stumbling towards them, weaving back and forth across the sidewalk, nearly tripping into the street once or twice. Armin stared at him for a moment, inexplicably frightened. 

“J-Jean?” he called uncertainly. Jean looked up from his feet – evidently thinking that would help him keep his balance better – and looked around slowly. After a few seconds he spotted Armin. There was no spark of recognition on his face. Instead Jean squinted at him, as if he was trying to figure out if he’d ever seen Armin before in his life. 

“I know you?” he asked. If his slurred words weren’t indication enough, then the smell of booze rolling off Jean as he got within a few feet of Armin was. Jean was drunk. Very, very drunk. 

“It’s Armin. From your bio class,” he said. Now Jean perked up. 

“Oh yeah! I know you. You’re that dorky kid who sits next to me in bio all the time!” he slurred. Armin’s eyes narrowed. He’d come all the way out there for this? 

“I thought you said he was in danger!” he hissed to Marco, who was still beside him. Jean was talking but Armin wasn’t paying attention…he wasn’t making any sense anyways.

“He is! Do you think it’s safe for him to be out like this? He’s underage and can’t even walk in a straight line. He doesn’t even know where he is!” It was the first time Marco had spoken with that kind of heat and it caught Armin a little off guard. But the ghost was right. And Armin wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he left Jean out here to wander around all night, even if it wasn’t actually his problem. 

“Hey, you listenin’ to me?” Jean asked, sounding a little angry. Armin wondered for a minute if he was going to get violent. 

“No, you’re drunk Jean,” he said firmly. Jean made a noise that could only be described as a giggle. 

“Yeah, maybe a little. So what’s a bookworm like you doing on this side of town? Wouldn’t have pegged you for the party hopping kind.” 

“…Jean do you even know where you are?” 

“Of course I know where I am! I’m not stupid. Campus is right…right…” Jean was looking around now and Armin could see the slow realization coming to his face that he had long since left whatever party he had been at.

“Okay…maybe I’m a little bit lost,” he finally admitted. Armin rolled his eyes. 

“Come on, let’s get you back. You do know how to get back, right?” Armin ignored Jean’s response, not trusting him to get them anywhere and was relieved when Marco nodded. 

It was a very long walk back, with Jean having to stop once because he _thought_ he was going to puke, and another because he actually _did_. Armin waited for him and wished he had a water bottle or some gum or _something_ because between the alcohol and now the smell of vomit Armin wasn’t sure how much more he could handle – especially now that Jean was leaning on him like he was some sort of crutch. Armin was never going to forgive Marco. He was never going to speak to him again in fact.

It was a miracle that Armin managed to not only get them back to Jean’s dorm but past the desk guard. Well perhaps not quite a miracle, as the ‘guard’ was some hulking blonde student sitting behind a desk checking student IDs and who seemed to recognize Jean. He merely rolled his eyes and swiped the two into the building as if this was a regular occurrence. Armin wasn’t sure what to make of that, but he was glad when they finally made it up to Jean’s floor and his room. 

“Oh hey, my dorm. Hey, how’d we get here?” he asked. Armin ignored him. If he was lucky, Jean would forget all about this and just think that he’d stumbled back on his own. 

“Where are your keys Jean?” he asked, as patiently as he could. Jean was just looking at the door. 

“What?” 

“Your keys Jean, so we can get in.” 

“Oh, yeah…You gonna stay the night?” Jean asked.

For a moment Armin didn’t know what to say. When he finally thought of an appropriate response Jean had already opened the door and trudged in, flopping onto his mattress with a groan and a “Hello, bed”. Marco was near the bed now, looking down at him. Armin hesitated and then stepped inside. It was fairly clean, but he noticed there was no second bed. 

“Where’s your roommate?” he asked without thinking. 

“Don’t have one. Parents pay for me to be by myself.” Jean replied rolling onto his back and groaning again. 

And then he sat up, looking around frantically. Armin was lucky he was a quick thinker. If he had been just a second or two slower, Jean would’ve thrown up all over the carpet instead of the trash can Armin had handed one. He just wanted to go home…why did he have to deal with this? This was so far over his head…he wondered, as Jean flopped once again onto the bed, looking quite sick and pale, whether he should call anyone – 911 perhaps. He was just a teenager, he didn’t know the signs of alcohol poising or anything like that! He hated feeling so helpless, and he didn’t want to get Jean in trouble by calling the authorities. 

Armin glanced around the room and saw the fridge in the corner and opened it, hoping to find a water bottle. He was lucky – Jean had a drawer full of them. He unscrewed the cap and went over to the bed, helping Jean sit back up and making him drink it. 

“Hey…Armin, why’re you even here?” Armin didn’t answer, just frowned at Jean and made him drink some more.

“You’re cute when you pout at me like that…reminds me of…reminds me of someone…important.” Armin gripped the blankets tightly in fist and looked down at his lap, unable to look at either Jean or Marco, unsure of how to respond, what to say or how to feel. He could hear the absolute loneliness in Jean’s voice – he didn’t want to see the guilt or whatever else might be there on Marco’s face. There was silence for a few moments before Jean spoke again. Armin could tell he was half asleep already. 

“You’re alright, you know that Armin? Still got a weird name, and you’re still a total dork, but you’re kinda okay.” Armin didn’t know what to say to that. That was happening to him a lot tonight. He wanted to go home. He hadn’t signed up for any of this. Jean gave a snore and Armin stood up off the bed, looking down at him. He needed to go.

“I got him home, I’m going now. Please don’t bother me anymore.” Armin muttered, still not looking at Marco. He turned away from his sleeping classmate and left, shutting the door behind him. He didn’t know why he felt so scared, panicked even, as he rushed out of the building into the pouring rain. 

It was late when he got back to his building, sopping wet. He didn’t mind though; the water dripping from his hair camouflaged the tears that had begun to fall shortly after he left. He didn’t even know _why_ he was crying. It wasn’t like Jean had said anything overtly insulting, or tried to assault him or anything like that… He just hoped Eren wasn’t home. That was the last thing he wanted to deal with at the moment. But he should’ve known better. Both Eren _and_ Mikasa were sitting on the futon watching a movie when he walked in, looking like a drowned cat. Eren’s eyes widened and he jumped up. 

“Where the hell have you been man? You left your phone here, I’ve been trying to get ahold of you all night! We even went out looking for you!” 

And as if that didn’t make Armin feel a hundred times worse. He tried to open his mouth and explain but all he ended up doing was crying. He heard a solid _thwack_ as if Mikasa had hit Eren and then he felt arms around him, despite his wet clothes. 

“I’m s-sorry, I didn’t meant to make you worry. I was just t-trying to help,” he said through his tears and chattering teeth. 

Mikasa shooshed him gently, her subtle mother-like nature coming through. A few moments later, Eren pushed a towel and some clean, dry clothes into his hands and ordered him into the bathroom to take a hot shower and change. When he came out his eyes were dry but he felt every bit as embarrassed and unaccountably upset as he was before, though he was considerably warmer. 

Mikasa and Eren were seated once more on the futon, but it looked like it was taking every ounce of Eren’s self-control not to ask what happened. Mikasa was watching the tv as if nothing had happened, but he could see her glance at him now and then, curious as well though better at being unobtrusive about it. Armin debated making them wait until tomorrow to explain but…that wouldn’t be fair. They had been looking for him, worried about him. They deserved an explanation, and so he gave it to them. 

Eren reacted predictably. 

“Those assholes! What do they think you are some kind of like…ghost butler or something? What makes that Marco guy think he can make this your problem? And it sounds like Jean has some serious problems, I mean c’mon, who just-” 

“Eren, please. Just drop it. I’m done talking about it and I’m done being a part of it, so there’s nothing to worry about,” he said. Something in his tone must’ve convinced Eren, because his friend didn’t push the subject further. 

Instead they spent the night watching cheesy horror movies and teasing Eren about getting scared. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Armin couldn’t help but wondering about Jean and whether he’d really be alright, or how much he’d remember…It didn’t matter, he told himself. It wasn’t his business anymore. It never had been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Chapter 4 is finished! I'm not quite sure how long the story will be yet, but I do know where I'm going with it, so no worries about the story going unfinished. However, if you remember I'll be leaving for Europe next week and I won't be back till mid July so, once again, THERE WILL NOT BE ANOTHER UPDATE UNTIL JULY 12 (at the earliest). Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy the story!


	5. Chapter 5

Armin had every intention of letting the past weekend be the end of it, he really did. The ony thing Jean had brought him was trouble, and he’d had more than enough of that _before_ college. Surely he could do better. There were still thousands of other people here and he was not going to act the part of scared puppy dog, latching onto the first person to remember his name – which Jean hadn’t even managed to do properly! To emphasize his level of doneness with the situation, Armin got to class earlier than usual to pick a different seat. It did occur to him that since class was well under way for the semester some other student would probably be annoyed at being displaced, but Armin was more comfortable with that than the idea of sitting next to Jean after last weekend. He didn’t even want to look at Marco.

Armin didn’t know why, but despite the firmness of his resolve to stay away from the two of them, he found himself feeling guilty, as if he were betraying some powerful trust or something. He couldn’t figure out why that should be though! It wasn’t as if Marco had told him any of Jean’s personal secrets or dreams or anything like that…Arming could’ve smacked himself when he realized that he had spent the last ten minutes obessesing over the situation instead of getting another few pages of his book read. He had to get his head out of the clouds and _off_ that damn Jean Kirschtein!

But it was as if Armin had an angel of fate with a sick sense of humor smiling down on him – or perhaps it was actually a demon – for seconds after finishing that thought, who sat down next to him but the asshole he was trying to avoid! What the hell? Jean had consistently been about two minutes from being late. There were still fifteen minutes before class started! This had to be some kind of joke… Armin busied himself with his book, scanning for things to take notes on, even though he knew he wasn’t absorbing a single word. Neither of them spoke and Arming forced himself not to look around for Marco. 

After about a minute of the heaviest, most awkward silence Armin had ever experience, Jean cleared his throat. Armin stared determinedly down at his book. Jean tried again and then said his name. Armin was just wondering whether he could pretend to be deaf long enough for jean to take a hint or if Jean would simply persist forever when his book was yanked from his hands. He turned and gaped at Jean, his face flushing with indignation. Had that really just happened?! To his credit, Jean looked almost as if he were just as surprised with himself, though he was doing his best to hide it. 

“Sorry. It seemed like the only way to get your attention.” Armin’s eyes narrowed and he snatched his book back, crossing his arms 

“Well, now you’ve got it. What do you want?” he asked, emboldened by his irritation. He didn’t soften in the slightest at the slightly bewildered look on Jean’s face. No, absolutely not. 

“I just um…Look, I’m sorry about last weekend. It um…I’m sorry you caught me like that. I’ve uh…I guess I’ve been kind of an asshole to you,” he conceded. Armin gave him a look as if to congratulate him for catching on so quickly. Jean looked away, apparently unable to meet Armin’s eyes. “Honestly, if I’d been in your shoes, I wouldn’t have helped me. So…thanks. I probably wouldn’t have made it home otherwise.” 

Armin’s annoyance shifted into surprise. Of course he’d expected an apology – why else would Jean have sat down there? – but he hadn’t expected any thanks or for Jean to own up to his bad behavior…   
“You’re welcome,” he said, unsure what else there was to say. Jean didn’t say anything else, so Armin assumed they were finished, so he waited for Jean to get up and leave. Except he didn’t. When Armin chanced another glance at him, Jean seemed to be struggling with something. Finally he spoke again. 

“So…I get it if you don’t want to deal with me anymore, but would you at least let me make it up to you? Coffee or lunch or something?” Armin frowned. 

“You really don’t need to. It’s fine. I was just out for a walk and I happened to find you. It was the decent thing to do,” Armin explained. Jean’s forehead creased and he looked confused for a moment. Armin wished he hadn’t said anything, and hoped Jean wouldn’t question his story… Eventually Jean seemed to reach the conclusion that Armin probably knew what happened better than he did.

“Well, I feel like I owe you, okay? And I don’t like owing people.” Armin really didn’t know what to say. 

“I don’t know Jean…” he sighed. He didn’t understand why Jean was being so insistent, nor did he understand why he found himself wanting to say yes. Armin was a lot of things, but a boy with a self-destructive streak was not one. Jean shrugged, but the look on his face was distinctly disappointed. Why should that make Armin feel so guilty? He just knew he was going to kick himself for this later… 

“Fine, alright, fine,” he agreed. Jean grinned and Armin was sure he wasn’t imagining the smugness in it. How was it that Jean could be so…so…irritating, and yet Armin wanted to spend time with him?

“How about we go now?” Jean asked, his grin widening. 

“ _What_?!” he hissed. “Are you crazy? I’m not gonna skip class just to-” 

“Oh come on, live a little, you big nerd,” Jean said, picking up some of Armin’s things and holding them out as if they were bait. Armin couldn’t believe what was happening. But…there was no malice in Jean’s eyes, just a bit of mischief. Armin threw a glance to the other side of the room, where he could just see Hanji coming in and…grabbed the rest of stuff and rushed after Jean, keeping his head down and hoping she wouldn’t notice him. Jean was grinning broadly when they made it to the hallway, clapping slowly for him, with Armin’s book tucked safely under his arm. 

“See, that wasn’t so hard,” he said. Armin rolled his eyes and held a hand out for his book. As Jean handed it to him, he glanced around but there was no sign of Marco. Maybe the ghost was trying to give him some room or something. Armin didn’t know, but he wasn’t going to question it. 

“Alright, you’ve got me feeling like a juvenile delinquent, so now what?” he asked. Jean shrugged. 

“Coffee sound okay? It doesn’t really seem much like paying you back if we just go to lunch on campus,” he said. 

“Alright, coffee sounds good,” Armin agreed, following Jean down the hallway. 

“So are you this insistent with everyone you feel indebted to?” Armin couldn’t help but ask. 

“No…not usually. I dunno. Depends on the situation?” he replied, not looking at the blond beside him. 

What did that mean? Was Armin special somehow? He wanted to think that didn’t make any sense, but he wasn’t an idiot...maybe he was wrong? Was the situation reversed? Was Jean the one who was latching onto the first person to remember his name? Now _that_ was stupid. If he didn’t have any other friends, how would he have been able to get into a party over the weekend? Or was it actually like in the movies, where once word got out anyone and everyone just sort of showed up? 

“Hey, you okay? You look kinda spaced out,” Jean said, interrupting Armin’s internal debate. 

“Oh, sorry, just kind of lost in my thoughts is all,” he mumbled, going a little red in the face. Jean nodded. 

“Ah. Bet that kind of thing happens to you a lot, huh?” Armin looked at him, confusion showing on his face. 

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you seem like the kind of person that has a lot of thoughts…and nevermind, it made sense in my head.” Well. That had sounded dangerously close to a compliment. Armin couldn’t help but smile a little. At least he wasn’t the only one who didn’t always know what to say. They walked in silence for about a block, and while it wasn’t the strained silence they had suffered through earlier, it wasn’t quite companionable either. How could it be, they barely knew each other? 

“So…do we actually have anything in common?” Armin finally asked, feeling like he knew the answer. And it wasn’t even because he pegged Jean for the super jockey athletic type, as much he considered himself fairly bland. 

“Guess that depends,” Jean said, pausing. 

Armin was dreading the ‘what do you like?’ portion of that statement that was sure to come. He was always honest of course, but whenever he told people that he liked to read and that he loved the ocean, etc., he sounded like a boring person to his own ears. There was no way he wouldn’t sound dull to someone else. 

“I’m guessing you’re not a big sports guy, so we probably don’t have soccer in common, but let’s see…you’re smart, so you probably like to read. Oh and I bet you like…hm. Damn. I can’t think of anything else,” he admitted, sounding almost abashed. Armin surprised himself by laughing. Jean had just seemed so sure that he knew what he was talking about. 

“Well, you got one. I do enjoy a good book, but there’s more to me than that,” Armin said, smiling as Jean held the door to the coffee shop open for him. But now he was at a loss, realizing that he had come full circle to the very situation he was previously hoping to avoid. 

“Um…” He could feel himself starting to lose his nerve. What could he say? That he wanted to be a marine biologist and he liked to play board games and hang out with the only two friends he had in the world and oh, by the way, he could see dead people? Yeah…that would totally fly. 

“You’re not very good at talking about yourself, are you?” Jean asked. The heat that had been creeping up the back of Armin’s neck blossomed into a pink flush across both cheeks. 

“No…I guess not,” he muttered. 

“Well, that’s alright. I can talk enough for us both,” Jean said with a grin. 

Armin was surprised by how good natured Jean was being about it. He had – understandably, he thought – pegged Jean as a self-centered asshole, but maybe he wasn’t so bad after all. At least he wasn’t making Armin feel like a loser any more than he had already. In fact, he seemed genuine about doing better. Maybe there was a chance that they’d be friends after all…though…Armin looked around again, wondering once more where Marco was. How was it he could go from being unable to get rid of the ghost to not being able to see him just like that? It puzzled him… 

“So anyways, what do you want to drink?” Jean was asking, having already given the girl behind the counter his order. 

“Oh, a tall iced caramel macchiato, please,” Armin requested. Sure enough when Armin looked back to Jean, there was a sort of amusement in his eyes, but…a sort of sadness, too?

“What?” he asked, trying not to sound overly defensive. 

“It’s nothing. Just…someone I used to know liked that drink too,” Jean said, just a little too casually. Armin felt like he’d been punched in the gut. Marco. Jean frowned at the way the color suddenly left Armin’s face. 

“You okay? You don’t look very good all of a sudden…” 

“I’m fine, sorry. Just um…remembered that I forgot to call my grandpa last night and I promised I would,” Armin lied. He was lucky Jean didn’t know him well enough to see through his deception. 

“Oh good. I was worried you were gonna freak out and drop your drink again,” Jean said, though it was clear he was just teasing this time. Armin saw the girl who had taken their order shoot him a sudden, dirty look and he wondered if perhaps she had been the one who had to clean up his mess…

“What happened with that anyways?” Jean asked as they stood near the counter waiting for their drinks. 

“Oh, well,” Armin paused, scrambling to think of a plausible explanation. 

He had played it off as an anxiety attack once or twice in high school, but only to complete strangers. He knew it wasn’t fair, but he couldn’t exactly tell the truth. But he didn’t want to say that to Jean and have the brunette treat him with kid gloves or something, as he knew tended to happen when people found out about a mental illness, even if it wasn’t real in this case. 

“Sorry, sorry, none of my business, especially considering we’ve already established that you don’t like talking about yourself. I can’t always help it – I like to know what’s going on around me, you know?” Armin couldn’t believe his luck. And boy, did he know the feeling. 

“I get it. And it’s not that I don’t _like_ talking about me, I just don’t very often, so I never know what to say,” he admitted. Jean didn’t pretend to be curious as to why that was, but Armin knew better than to find it insulting. And somehow, even though Jean asked a lot of questions as their conversation progressed, most of them were easy for Armin to answer. He got the feeling that Jean was much more clever than he let on – in some ways at least. In others, he was downright boastful. But he had a way of asking his questions that didn’t leave Armin feeling interrogated, just as though he was simply following the flow of the conversation. 

They talked about a lot, from the simple things like their majors and the new patriotic superhero movie that had come out recently to the fact that one of Jean’s greatest desires was to go to France where his mother was born and that Armin lived with his grandfather because his parents had died. Of course, there were a lot of things they didn’t talk about ; Armin noticed that Jean made no further mention of Marco, and obviously Armin didn’t tell him about his ability to see ghosts. But still…for two people who had known almost nothing about each other just a few hours before, and were perhaps even on the verge of becoming enemies, it was a very pleasant conversation. 

When they stood up to go, it didn’t seem far from sunset – they had been there for quite some time. Armin didn’t have any other classes, and if Jean did well, he obviously found their conversation more interesting. Armin tried to convince himself that wasn’t the case, but the thought of it did make him a little giddy. Just as they were leaving Armin’s phone went off. 

“Oh…I guess they’re showing that second Spider-Man movie this weekend on campus. My friends and I are going do you…um, want to come?” he asked, remembering the fair chunk of time they had spent discussing Jean’s interest in such things. He would probably have a lot of explaining to do to Eren and Mikasa if Jean accepted. But…judging by the look on his face, he wouldn’t. Armin wondered what other plans he had…he hoped it wasn’t anything like last weekend… After a few seconds of some internal debate, Jean shrugged and gave a kind of half smile. 

“Sure, I guess I could.” Armin felt his heart rate pick up a little in his chest. 

“Really? Great! Um, Saturday night at 6? We’re probably gonna grab dinner first,” 

“Yeah…yeah, that sounds fine,” Jean said. As much as he hoped Jean was being sincere, Armin couldn’t help but feel like Jean was only doing this out of some sense of obligation, like he’d feel like an ass if he shrugged Armin off again. He tried not to let it bother him. For some reason, he didn’t want to let Jean go off on his own again… 

Now that was just ridiculous. He wasn’t Jean’s babysitter. They were standing on the street now, preparing to part ways and Armin shifted a little from foot to foot. 

“Well um, thanks for the coffee and the conversation. You’re really no so terrible after all, I guess,” he said. At that Jean grinned. 

“And I guess you’re not as lame as I thought. Maybe we should hang out and play Risk sometime – I’ll show you I can win that land war in Asia,” Jean bragged. Armin gave something that resembled a smirk. 

“I’ll hold you to that. Anyways, I’ll see you on Wednesday?” he asked. Jean’s smile was still genuine as he agreed. 

“See you later Armin,” he said. And no, Armin totally did not stand there for a moment and watch him walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay everyone, sorry for the long delay. It took a bit longer to get back into the swing of things after my trip than I thought it would. Anyways, here's the next chapter and hopefully it was worth the wait. We finally see a bit more of a relationship developing between Jean and Armin and you'll just have to wait and see where things go from there. Thanks for sticking with me during the brief hiatus or thanks for joining if you just got here!


	6. Chapter 6

When Armin walked into the dorm room he felt…happy. Actually happy, not the sort of bland contentment of being in college and passing his classes. He felt thrilled even; he and Jean had spent the whole afternoon together and had gotten to know each other and were perhaps on the road to an actual friendship. He had never been particularly lucky – with the exception of meeting Eren and Mikasa – but maybe his luck was going to change? The hope and delight must’ve shown on his face, because as soon as Eren took one look at him he asked, “Well you look like you’re in a good mood, where’ve you been?” 

Now Armin hesitated a little bit. After all, he had told Eren and Mikasa he was done with Jean, and now he had spent the day with him and invited him to go see a movie with them and…perhaps he should’ve thought this all out better. But what was he so frightened of? Eren was his friend…even if he had objections to Jean’s presence, he wouldn’t do anything to screw this up for Armin. At least not intentionally, but that was another matter and Armin wasn’t going to get into it with his friend right now. 

“Well, I went to my biology class-” 

“Yeah? That asshole Jean give you any more trouble?” 

“I’m getting to that Eren. Anyways, I wasn’t going to talk to him or sit by him or anything, except he came and sat down next to me and-” 

“Did you tell him to go fuck himself?” 

“No Eren, if you’d let me finish I’d tell you what happened. As I was saying, he sat down next to me, and well, he apologized for being a jerk and for last weekend and I expected that to be the end of it but no, he said he wanted to make it up to me-”

“ _Then_ did you tell him to go fuck himself?” 

Armin fixed Eren with a ‘look’. 

“Are you going to let me finish my story or not?” he asked with a touch of exasperation. Eren gave a long suffering sigh and made room for Armin on the futon. Armin took his shoes off and made himself comfortable before he went on. 

“Okay, now then. So he sits next me and tells me he wants to make it up to me. I tell him there’s no need to because at this point I’d rather just let it go. But oh no, he insists and-” Armin paused, catching himself. Perhaps now was not the time to mention exactly _how_ Jean had gotten him to agree…Eren would most likely consider it bullying and things would just go downhill from there. To be fair, he probably wouldn’t be wrong, but Jean hadn’t meant it mean spiritedly. 

“ _And_?” Interjected Eren, thinking Armin was drawing it out for the sake of being dramatic. 

“And I agreed,” Armin said. Eren was staring at him. 

“You did what?” he asked incredulously.

“Oh come on Eren, it was just one class and he bought me a coffee and we talked for a while and he’s really not that bad!” Armin tried to explain. However Eren only seemed to latch onto one part of the sentence. 

“Wait…are you telling me that he got you to _skip a class_?” Armin felt suddenly flustered. 

“Well yes, I felt that talking things out with Jean was a more productive use of my time than-” 

“Chill man, I’m not your grandpa. I’m just…surprised,” Eren said. 

“Oh…yeah. I guess it’s…a little unusual for me. But I think it was worth it. He’s really…well, he’s not like I thought at all.” Eren snorted. 

“You sound like you’re in love,” he teased.

“Oh please Eren, I hardly know him! Anyways, I invited him to come to the movie this weekend, so you better be on your best behavior,” Armin warned. Eren looked somewhere between thrilled and vengeful and the result was somewhat frightening.

“Oh I actually get to meet him? This’ll be good, I can finally tell him off for being such a dick, since you obviously won’t.” Armin hit him in the shoulder. 

“I mean it, best behavior.” He looked around and then at the clock. “Where’s Mikasa? She’s usually here by now.” 

“Yeah…she’s hanging out with Annie, you know, her roommate. She didn’t say what they were doing, just that she wouldn’t be here tonight,” Eren said, finally unpausing his video game. Well, that was odd… Maybe like Armin, Mikasa was trying to make some other friends as well. He thought back to a conversation the two of them had had their last year in high school but then shook his head. He doubted it was like that.

“So, anything new in that class with the TA you hate?” Armin asked, getting up and going to his desk. 

“What? Oh, no, not really,” he said. There was something odd about the way he said it, but Armin chalked it up to him being too involved with his game to be paying proper attention to their conversation.

They spent the rest of the evening in relative silence – Eren kept yelling at the television when he was killed in a manner he deemed unfair, which, as far as Armin could tell, was any time he died. Armin did his best to catch up on the notes he missed during class and worked on a bit of other homework before turning in for the night; Eren was still up but unlike Armin, he seemed to have avoided early morning classes. He was both excited and nervous for the weekend, and Wednesday even. What if Jean changed his mind between now and then? Or decided that he had been wrong about Armin and didn’t actually want to hang out? The blond gave a slight shake of his head. He was being stupid. He needed to relax. Everything would be fine. And ultimately, it was. Tuesday passed at the same speed as always and when Wednesday arrived, Armin looked around the room and saw that Jean was already there, with an empty spot next to him. When he saw Armin, he waved. Armin smiled and walked over, the gesture leaving him feeling strangely happy. 

“Hey Jean,” Armin said, sliding into the chair beside him. He thought he saw a shadow of something behind Jean but…he gave a slight shake of his head. It obviously wasn’t Marco. Though, he really was beginning to wonder where the other had gone. 

“We still on for this weekend?” Armin asked before realizing that it probably made him sound somewhat desperate. 

“Yeah, Saturday at 6, right?” Jean replied and Armin nodded, feeling just a little bit embarrassed. He thought to apologize but realized that it would just make it worse. 

They lapsed into a much more comfortable silence than they ever had previously and Armin felt relieved by that. He looked around the room and there was that shadow again. He squinted at it for a moment and then, he blinked and split second later, Marco was there, staring at him and looking gruesome. Armin about jumped out of his seat. Jean raised an eyebrow and looked at him uncertainly.

“Sorry…” Armin mumbled. “I thought I felt a bug on me.” Jean continued to look at him for a moment and then shrugged. Armin wanted desperately to pull out his notebook, to ask Marco where he’d been, and perhaps if he could now know how Marco died, but the blond knew this would be impossible now that Jean might look over and ask what he was doing. But the longer he sat there, the less comfortable he felt about the situation. He felt like a hypocrite, and he felt like Marco was almost certainly making assumptions about his character. After all, he had told Marco he was finished and yet here he was, clearly on considerably more friendly terms with Jean. 

He found himself fidgeting a little in his seat, unable to concentrate on the lecture. It wasn’t until Jean leaned over and asked him to repeat what Hanji had just said because he had missed it and Armin had no idea that he realized he needed to get this out of his head. He got up and muttered something about going to the bathroom, catching Marco’s eye. It occurred to him that this was the first time he had ever invited a ghost to follow him somewhere and the thought made him uneasy. He hoped Marco wouldn’t think it extended beyond this meeting. 

He found a deserted spot in a doorway down an empty hallway – no one would see him until they were right next to him and hopefully he’d hear anyone coming. It was a peak time for classes, so it was unlikely that anyone would, but he had learned long ago that there was no such thing as “too careful” if he was going to converse with someone nobody else could see. Armin didn’t say anything for a moment. He felt like he should be apologizing, but he didn’t know why that should be. He hadn’t done anything particularly rude… 

“He grows on you,” Marco said suddenly. 

“What?” 

“Jean. He can be…abrasive, I know. But he’s not a bad guy.” 

“I’m figuring that out,” Armin admitted. 

“Well, thank you for giving him a second chance,” Marco said earnestly.

“Well, to be fair, he didn’t really give me a choice. He’s very persistent. Did you…were you not there?” Armin asked, wondering if his previous assumption that Marco was giving him space was true. Marco shook his head. 

“I didn’t know he was going to do that but I figured you could use a break from me…” the ghost admitted. 

Had Armin not spent most of his life avoiding ghosts and the supernatural, he would’ve been curious. Where did he go? What was it like being dead? All the questions that people so often wondered about life after death. But the trouble that all of this had caused Armin through the years had left him rather jaded and uninterested in the subject. 

“Thank you for that then,” he hesitated, something about earlier bother him. “Earlier though…why did you only appear as a shadow?” he asked. Marco frowned and something shifted in his expression. 

“I was just…I wanted to make sure you wanted to see me,” he said, and if Armin didn’t know any better, he’d say that Marco was about as good a liar as he was, which wasn’t good at all. 

Armin regarded him suspiciously, but eventually decided against calling him out on it. What would it prove? Marco probably had his own reasons for it and it really wasn’t Armin’s business. It was funny how often he had been telling himself that lately, yet he seemed to be up to his eyeballs in things that were decidedly ‘not his business’. 

“Oh…Well. Okay. I should probably get back,” Armin said, hoping he hadn’t missed too much. If only he weren’t so damn curious… 

Marco didn’t say anything but he did follow Armin back to the lecture hall. Again it made Armin uneasy, but he told himself it wasn’t a big deal. Marco was only following him because he’d been asked. Armin slid back into his seat and, leaving a blank page for what he had missed, resumed taking notes. When the lecture was finished and everyone had packed up, Armin and Jean said their goodbyes, agreeing to meet at the dining hall that Armin, Eren and Mikasa frequented before heading to the movie. As the rest of the week ticked by, Armin kept waiting for his phone to go off, for Jean to text him and tell him that he couldn’t make it – or that he simply didn’t want to. But it never happened. 

What did happen was Eren telling him at 5:15 on Saturday that he suddenly had somewhere else to be – which struck Armin as one of the strangest things that had ever happened. Which was saying something considering he walked around seeing dead people for most of his life. Eren wouldn’t tell him where he was going, or what time he’d be home, just that he had to go and that it was very important. Needless to say, Armin wasn’t quite sure what to make of it, and it left him feeling somewhere between relieved and let down. On one hand Jean and Eren wouldn’t have to meet just yet, but on the other…well, it was the first time his friend had ever blown him off like that and it worried him more than he cared to admit. 

He texted Mikasa, just to make sure that the meeting time hadn’t changed and certainly not because he was suddenly anxious that she would decide she had somewhere more important to be as well. Even as he sent the text he realized how silly he was being, though it didn’t stop him. Hadn’t he wanted them all to branch out and make more friends? It wasn’t fair for him to act as though the fact that Eren was doing so was some sort of betrayal… He thought about texting Jean but decided against it. Either he would show up or he wouldn’t. 

Forty-five minutes later, Armin and Mikasa were standing outside the dining hall waiting for Jean. She had told Armin that while she was looking forward to the movie, she would have to leave right after. When Armin asked why that was, she just shrugged and said that she and Annie had plans. Armin raised an eyebrow, thinking once more about that conversation they’d had.

“I know it’s not my business but are you two…?” Armin asked, trailing off. Mikasa looked at him and then gave a shrug.

“I don’t know yet. It seems like it might be heading that way,” she said. She looked like she might ask something else but was interrupted by someone calling Armin’s name. They looked up to see Jean walking towards them. When he walked up to them, Armin couldn’t miss the way Jean’s eyes traveled up and down Mikasa’s body. For some reason it left him feeling very disappointed. He cleared his throat a little and Jean looked back to him. 

“Hey Jean. This is my friend Mikasa,” he said, introducing the two. Jean shook her hand and grinned at her, but her face remained solemn. 

“Hi.” 

“Hello yourself. You have uh, very nice hair,” he said, his cheeks just the slightest bit pink. Mikasa looked at Armin with a raised eyebrow. Armin just gave a nervous little laugh and ushered them inside. Once in, Mikasa went off to a different line serving Italian as Armin trailed after Jean. 

“You didn’t tell me she was so pretty. I get nervous around pretty girls,” Jean admitted. Armin didn’t know what to say to that. 

“Well…you’re kind of barking up the wrong tree anyways. You’re not really um…her type. She likes girls,” Armin blurted out. Why had he done that? Mikasa had told him that in confidence. He didn’t even know if she had told Eren! And he had just blurted it out because he had been what, jealous? “

Oh. Well, that’s cool with me. I go either way.” Armin stared at him for a moment. 

He couldn’t be this lucky. Not, of course that he was considering a romantic relationship with Jean. Because he wasn’t. He had just gotten to the point of friends. This was why he needed to meet more people. The first available boy who might share his preference and Armin was immediately considering a romance. It was sad, really. 

“You?” Jean asked, taking his plate back from the server. 

“Oh m-me? I’m um…I’m gay,” he finally said, unsure why it was so difficult for him to admit. If there was one thing Armin was sure of it was his sexuality. Maybe it was because he was worried that Jean might jump to the conclusion that Armin wanted a relationship with him. Which wasn’t necessarily a lie but Armin knew it was unrealistic at best. 

“Oh. Hey, wasn’t your other friend supposed to be here?” Jean asked and the though the transition was far from smooth, Armin was grateful for it – and he did his best not to overanalyze the reasons for it. Armin explained Eren’s absence as best as he could while they searched for Mikasa among the sea of tables. The three made polite conversation while they ate and Armin wasn’t sure if Jean was nervous or if it was something else, but he seemed much more polite than he had upon initially meeting Armin. It wasn’t difficult for them to pass the time and before long they were walking down the sidewalk toward the building where the movie was being shown. It was just one of the larger lecture halls and the movie was played via the projector, but there weren’t many other students there so at least they got their pick of seats. True to what she had said before, as soon as the movie was over Mikasa said a rather hasty goodbye and rushed off, leaving the two boys alone. 

“Wow, she seemed like she was in a hurry,” Jean commented.

“Yeah…She has plans with her roommate,” Armin explained, forbidding himself from divulging any more of Mikasa’s personal secrets. They were both quiet for a minute, like they both wanted to say something. 

“What about you? Do you have other plans?” Armin finally asked, relieved that he managed to speak up. 

“No, not really,” Jean said, pulling out his phone to check the time. 

“Do you want to hang out then?” 

“Yeah, why not. Your place or mine?” 

“Oh…I’m not sure if Eren is back yet, but I’m sure he won’t mind us using his Xbox,” Armin suggested. Jean smirked. 

“You’re gonna play Xbox?” he asked, sounding just the slightest bit amused. 

“Hey, I know perfectly well how to play!” Armin protested. Jean’s smirk widened. 

“Prepare to get your butt kicked.” Somehow, knowing that Jean was coming back with him lessened the sting of any potential – and probable – digital defeats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, chapter 6. Hopefully I'll have the next update ready by Sunday so I can get back into a routine of posting on weekends. Anyways, I know this one is pretty lengthy, but hopefully that's a plus and not a bad thing for all of you. I still know exactly where I'm going with this, though I'm not sure how long it'll be. It's looking like maybe around 10 chapters but don't quote me on that. Thanks again for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

Eren had been out when Jean and Armin got back and the two spent the rest of the night playing video games and getting to know each other better. Granted, it wasn’t perfect – Jean’s habit of saying literally everything that was on his mind was both refreshing and annoying, but Armin just had to remember that he was being honest. It was more than he could say about a lot of people he had met through the years. Most people who he ended up hanging out with due to school clubs or their connections with Eren or Mikasa were…polite, but Armin knew it was never real. With Jean that wasn’t the case. He might legitimately think it was strange that Armin wanted to study all the weird things in the ocean, but Armin also knew he was being genuine when he said that he liked Armin’s sense of humor. 

Jean was just getting ready to leave when Eren walked in. Armin had considered asking Jean if he just wanted to stay instead of walking back across campus – it was almost 2a.m. after all, though where all the time had gone, Armin wasn’t sure – but the sudden tension in the room made him decide against it. Eren looked Jean up and down with a slight frown on his face. Armin suddenly wished very much that he hadn’t spent so much time complaining about Jean. It was going to make it very difficult for Eren to be objective. 

“Eren right? Armin’s told me about you,” Jean said, not unpleasantly. Eren’s frown turned into a scowl. 

“Yeah? Did he tell you I don’t like people taking advantage of my friends?” he retorted. Jean’s smile disappeared and he glanced quickly to Armin, who just wanted to melt into the floor. 

“Look, he and I got off on the wrong foot, that’s all. No reason we have to. Jean Kirschtein,” Jean said, his returned smile just the slightest bit forced as he held out his hand. Eren stared at his hand for a second before brushing past him, ignoring the peace offering. 

“Yeah, sure,” he muttered. “Armin I’m getting in the shower.” And without so much as another glance at Jean, he grabbed some of his clothing and walked into the bathroom. Armin stared after him, feeling mortified and reluctant to turn back to Jean, though he did.

“Well, I can tell he and I are going to get along,” Jean said. Armin couldn’t tell if he was angry or annoyed or both or perhaps neither. 

“I’m really sorry about that Jean. I didn’t think-” 

“Hey, don’t sweat it Armin. Like I said, I know I was a dick to you. If your friend over there wants to hold a grudge over it, he can be my guest, I really don’t give a shit. You got over it, and you’re the one I’m interested in hanging out with.” 

Armin felt a rush of relief and gratitude at Jean’s words and his face must’ve showed it, because Jean laughed and said, “You looked like you were ready to cry for a minute there. Relax.” Armin’s face probably couldn’t have turned any more red, but he felt like it did. 

“I know, I’m just not used to…Eren and Mikasa are really my only friends,” he admitted. Jean frowned a little, looking like he was going to say something. Eventually his expression changed and he smiled. 

“Well, don’t sweat it. I’m sure you’ll fix that. I mean, you’ve got me, right?” he asked. Armin blinked and then nodded, a smile spreading across his face as he did. Jean checked his phone again and then pulled his jacket on. 

“Anyways, I’m gonna head back. I’ll see you on Monday,” he said, going to the door. 

“Yeah. See you Monday. I hope you had fun tonight.” Jean smiled at him. 

“Don’t worry I did. Give Eren my love,” he said with a wink and turned and walked down the hallway. As Armin closed the door he felt a rush of giddiness and couldn’t stop himself from grinning like an idiot. It wasn’t until Eren came out of the bathroom that Armin remembered he had his friend to deal with. 

“Oh good, he’s gone,” the brunette grunted as he emerged, dressed in a pair of sweatpants. Armin frowned at him. 

“Eren, what was that all about?” 

“What? It’s like I said, I don’t like that he took advantage of you. Plus he's weird looking. His face is too long.” 

Armin sighed. 

“Eren, I told you he apologized. Not to mention you didn’t seem bothered by the idea of hanging out with him when I told you he was coming to the movie,” Armin pointed out. It was Eren’s turn to sigh as he plopped onto the futon. 

“I guess. I dunno. I didn’t have a very good night. Sorry,” he said, as if that explained and solved everything. Armin took a seat next to him. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked. Eren considered him for a minute and then shook his head. 

“No… not really. It’ll be fine. I’ll try to be nicer to Jean I guess. I just have a hard time trusting this sudden change in him. I mean you said it yourself Armin, he was a complete jerk. And now all of a sudden he wants to be your best friend? It’s just…I don’t like it,” he complained. Armin smiled and rolled his eyes. 

“If I didn’t know better I’d say you were jealous.” 

“I’m not jealous!” Eren protested. “I just don’t want anyone messing around with you,” he muttered. Armin’s expression softened. 

“I know that Eren. And I appreciate it, really. But just trust me a little bit, okay? I know what I’m doing. Probably.” That made Eren chuckle a little bit. And for a while, Armin thought everything would be okay. 

Except that feeling didn’t last very long.

For starters, he started seeing less of Mikasa – which he supposed he understood if she was pursuing a romantic relationship – but even less of Eren, which worried him more than it made him curious. It happened relatively slowly over a few weeks; a late night here and there turned into almost entire weekends away from the dorm which turned into entire weekends and a weeknight here and there. Armin wanted to ask, because not only was he curious, but he was concerned as well. It was true that Eren was his best friend, so there shouldn’t have been a reason for him not to ask, but the subject seemed taboo. When they were in the dorm together, there was usually a sort of uneasy silence between them, like Armin was trying to give Eren some space but Eren was expecting Armin to ask and neither of them knew what to say or whether to say anything. 

In the end, Armin decided to just let it go. Eren was his friend and if he wanted to tell Armin what was going on, he would. And if he didn’t, he wouldn’t. Armin tried not to dwell on that fact, or the fact that if Eren was spending less time with him, he was probably also spending less time with Mikasa which was sure to distress her as well. Unless of course they were just spending time together without him. Armin tried his best not to let himself believe that. 

Still, he couldn’t pretend that seeing so much less of his friends didn’t leave him lonely. As such, Armin found himself reaching out to Jean more and more, which was causing problems in its own right. For starters, Armin had become very aware of his growing feelings for Jean – not that he felt he could be blamed. Jean was very charismatic after all, and beneath his overly honest and somewhat cocky demeanor, he was surprisingly sweet – but because of Marco, and not just because he was a sentient ghost that only Armin could see. 

No, the problem with Marco was one that Armin really didn’t really know what to do about or how to address and that was that he was seeing less of Marco too – and seeing less of people sure seemed to be causing him a lot of anxiety these days – which had been a welcome change at first but now Armin couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very wrong. 

It started when Armin noticed that, though he and Jean were spending more time together, Marco was around less and less. Armin often thought he saw a hint of a shadow hovering over Jean’s shoulder, or sometimes thought he heard the whisper of Marco’s voice in his ear, which was disarming and creepy, especially considering that Marco was never anywhere to be found when this happened. When he _did_ appear, it was usually out of nowhere when Armin was alone rather than with Jean and it was usually to request that Armin ask Jean to hang out, or that he not take no for an answer when Jean declined. 

To be fair, this was happening less frequently as of late but Armin always felt a little bit guilty when he did it, like he was interrupting Jean’s life, even if he was pretty sure he knew why Marco didn’t want Jean going out on his own. But Jean never really complained when Armin annoyed him into agreeing aside from an offhand comment here or there, and they did have fun together; sometimes they’d go to movies or the arcade, or they’d go to events around campus or sometimes just hang out in each other’s dorm rooms playing video games or board games or talking, which was doing nothing to help stave off Armin’s developing crush.

So Marco was appearing less and less, but he seemed more distressed each time, like he was worried that something was going to happen. Armin had tried asking once or twice, but Marco hadn’t given an explanation. And it was eating at Armin that he still knew virtually nothing about the situation; he didn’t know how Marco died, he didn’t know –for sure anyways – why he was so worried about Jean, or why he had chosen Armin for whatever it was he seemed determined to accomplish. He had considered demanding answers from the ghost, and threatening to ask Jean if Marco wouldn’t comply but that seemed…wrong. He was inquisitive, sure, but he didn’t like the idea of resorting to blackmail. Not to mention it would lead to all kinds of awkward questions, he was sure. All of these things left Armin in a more than slightly uncomfortable situation and on top of everything else midterms were coming up. 

Needless to say, Armin had a lot on his plate. So when Jean texted him on a Saturday afternoon and suggested a coffee break from studying – Jean was very good at this for some reason. He always seemed to know when Armin had been at it for too long – the blond jumped at the idea. He no longer felt nervous about meeting up with Jean – aside from nerves about accidentally letting something slip that would alert Jean to his feelings – and was glad for the chance to get out of the dorm. Jean had been at the library not far from Armin’s dorm, so they met up at the nearby clock tower.

It turned out Jean had some shopping to do for some – as he called them – ‘midterm essentials’ so they took a bus to the other end of town, which was closer to the grocery store and where Jean said he knew of a smaller café that was very nice and not part of the big chains that everyone went to. Armin couldn’t help but feel that Jean was going a little out of his way, but he wasn’t going to complain. There might even be fewer students there, which meant a better shot at a seat. And Jean was right about the shop being nice; there were comfy armchairs all over, and a fireplace in the middle of the room that Armin imagined would be wonderful to site near in the colder months. 

They were standing at the counter waiting for their drinks when Armin saw him. Or rather, heard him. Someone who sounded very much like Eren and, upon further inspection, looked very much like Eren. From behind anyways. The table the supposed-Eren and the other dark-haired individual were sitting at placed Eren’s back to Armin. But…it couldn’t be Eren because well, it just couldn’t. There was something about the way the obviously older male was looking at him that suggested the two weren’t there on a study break. The way the Eren clone leaned towards him when the other brushed a hand through his hair suggested the same. 

“What’re you looking at, blondie?” Jean asked, handing Armin his drink. Armin tried to nod as inconspicuously as possible towards the apparent couple. 

“That guy with his back to me over there reminds me a lot of Eren, and I was just telling myself that it couldn’t be,” he explained. Jean looked over to the others and frowned. 

“Hm. Not that it’s any of my business, but I hope it’s not,” he said. Armin frowned now.

“Why’s that?” 

“Well…I know the guy facing us is an assistant to one of the bigshot professors on campus. He acts as a TA for a lot of the guy’s classes. I mean…I don’t know him personally but there have been a lot of rumors about him. Not _bad_ but…not good either, if you know what I mean.” 

As everything clicked into place in his mind, Armin felt as if he had just been sent hurtling down the biggest hill on a roller coaster at Cedar Point. 

This was where Eren had been, getting involved with another guy – which was a shock to Armin for starters – who was obviously in a position of authority over him. Why hadn’t he said anything? Was Eren doing it because he wanted to be or was he being manipulated somehow? If the near giggle he heard from what he knew was Eren’s mouth was any indication, it was very consentual. But how far had they gone? What if they broke up? Would Eren – or this other person – get in trouble? Or what if – 

All at once Armin knew why Eren hadn’t said anything, and he was furious. 

Just as he was contemplating marching over there and giving his friend a piece of his mind, he felt Jean’s hand on his shoulder. 

“Not that I blame you for being pissed, but maybe here isn’t the best place to start something,” he said and Armin was surprised to find that he agreed. And also surprised that Jean understood without being told. He knew Jean wasn’t stupid, but he was surprised that the brunette had listened closely enough to know what had been going on with he and Eren lately. He had always assumed it bored Jean when he talked about Eren or Mikasa. Perhaps that wasn’t the case after all. With a sigh Armin nodded. 

“You’re right. I’ll talk to him later. Can we go though? I’d really rather he didn’t see us,” he muttered. Jean put an arm over his shoulder and steered him towards the door. “Ask and you shall receive, my friend.” Armin tried to ignore how the gesture made him feel. He had too many other things to be worried about just then. 

He was absentminded as Jean maneuvered them through the aisles of the store. How was he going to bring this up to Eren? He had spent the last few weeks not saying anything, and look where it had gotten him. Feeling betrayed and worried for his friend. He couldn’t afford to do that anymore. 

“What?” he asked as Jean asked him a question for probably the third time. Jean rolled his eyes.

“Calling space cadet Arlert, hello! I can’t decide between kettle corn or pop corn, which do you prefer?” he asked. Armin couldn’t figure out why his preference should matter but he told Jean he preferred kettle corn anyways and watched as the brunette tossed it in the basket. 

“You’re really freaking out about this, aren’t you?” he asked. Armin tried to shrug and seem casual but knew he was probably failing miserably. Jean suddenly looked awkward. 

“Well…you know, if things go bad or anything and you want to I dunno, hang out or talk you can always…there’s always me,” he said, his cheeks and the skin across his nose turning very pink. Armin stared at him for a moment and then gave a genuine smile. 

“Thank you Jean, I really appreciate that,” he said earnestly. 

Later, when Armin was sitting on the couch waiting for Eren to come home – he had texted him earlier to receive confirmation that he actually _was_ coming home that night – he had his phone clutched in his hand like it was a safety blanket. He had been texting Jean off and on for the last few hours while the brunette was at work in one of the dining halls and it helped him more than he cared to admit. He knew that even if he and Eren ended up fighting, he’d still be able to turn to Jean. It was a strange feeling, the idea that he might need to rely on someone other than Eren or Mikasa or even himself, but not unpleasant.

But even as ready as he thought he was, he knew deep down that he really wasn’t. There had been disputes in their friend circle before but Armin had a feeling this was going to be much worse…Eren got in just before midnight and Armin was still sitting there waiting for him. 

“Hey, what’s up? You said you wanted to talk?” Eren asked, kicking his shoes off and shrugging out of his jacket. Armin swallowed and took a deep breath.

“Jean and I went out for coffee today,” he started. Eren rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah? How was-” 

“We saw you there. I know that guy you were with is a professor’s assistant, the one you were complaining about.” 

Eren paled and looked up at Armin, emotions flickering too quickly across his eyes for Armin to identify. Eventually they settled on that angry, defensive look he usually got when Mikasa scolded him. 

“Okay, what’s your point?” Armin looked at him in disbelief. 

“What do you mean what’s my point? Eren, that’s really irresponsible! Even if he’s not, I don’t know, coercing you somehow, his job could still be at stake, or worse your grade if something happens! I mean didn’t you even think-”

“Goddamit Armin! This is why I didn’t tell you! I knew you’d react this way. You always get so worked up over everything, you’re always so worried about being a goodie two shoes and not breaking the rules even when it’s something you really want! You’ve always been that way! I mean, you’re in college now and all you do is go to class and hang out with that horse-faced asshole. Even Mikasa has been out to a party or two!” Eren’s words stung and Armin didn’t know how to hide it. He knew he had always been one to avoid trouble, but he didn’t think that Eren thought of him this way. 

“S-so what? Breaking the rules is one thing Eren, we’re talking about breaking the law! And just because I’ve chosen not to, to, to drink or go out partying yet doesn’t make me a goodie two shoes!” Eren rolled his eyes. 

“Don’t pretend Armin. The truth is you’re just too scared. But not me. I like Levi, and he likes me, and so what if it’s a bit of a risk if it’s worth it in the end? Which it will be. So just…just stay here and read your books, but don’t go lecturing me on living my own life,” he snapped.

Armin felt his eyes stinging but couldn’t decide if the tears welling in them were from anger or hurt. He saw Eren reaching to put his shoes back on, muttering about how he didn’t need to deal with all this and that he’d just go spend the night somewhere else. Armin stood up abruptly. 

“Don’t bother. You can stay here.” Eren looked up as if surprised and then looked somewhere between exasperated and remorseful.

“Oh come on Armin, you don’t have to do that-” 

“No, you made it perfectly clear what you really think of me Eren. And that’s fine. You go live your life then, go out and party and get caught with that TA and get both of you in trouble. See how much I care! And Jean might be rough around the edges but at least he’s honest!” He was saying it out of anger and he knew he’d regret it later, but right now he was just upset and miserable and even more angry with himself for letting his tears fall. He was just glad he didn’t trip or stumble as he made his – admittedly – dramatic exit from the room. 

As he stormed down the stairs he felt the blood rushing through his ears. He felt…he didn’t know what he felt. Maybe Eren was right? No, Eren was being headstrong and a jerk, and not for the first time in their friendship. But from what Eren had said even Mikasa knew what was going on… Was he the one they had left out? Did they both really think he was laced so tight that they couldn’t tell him anything? 

By the time he reached Jean’s, the anger and adrenaline was gone, replaced by weariness, hurt and self-doubt. He hesitated before knocking on the door, the doubt growing stronger. Sure Jean had said Armin could count on him but maybe he had meant on the phone or via text or something. It didn’t really imply an open invitation to come over… Armin stood there debating for so long that before he ever made up his mind the door opened and Jean stood there with a towel around his waist and a basket of shower items in his hand. 

The two stared at each other in surprise, and it took Armin a minute to remember that Jean’s building was set up differently than his own and that each floor had a community bathroom and that Jean was likely headed to go shower after work. He felt himself turn red from the tips of his toes to the roots of his hair. 

“I’m s-sorry I didn’t mean to just surprise you like that I just-” Jean placed a finger on his lips. 

“You’re a mess Armin. Go sit down and I’ll be out of the shower in a minute. There’s water in the fridge,” he said, moving so that Armin was now standing in the room and he was in the hallway. 

“Don’t overthink. Just sit there and I’ll be back.” 

Armin didn’t know how to react to Jean’s kindness and he felt his eyes tearing up again as he nodded. The sudden kindness felt overwhelming. Jean may as well have just kissed him on the forehead and promised that everything would be alright. 

When the door closed, Armin turned and looked around for somewhere to sit, feeling exhausted from crying and walking across campus. After a moment’s hesitation he stepped over to the bed and climbed onto it after unlacing his shoes. He felt like crying again and he wasn’t sure why. He missed the way his grandfather would wrap him up in a hug when he was a little boy. He wanted one of those hugs right now.

Jean had a few pillows lying on his bed. Armin had an idea. He looked around and there was no sign of the shadowy figure that Marco seemed to be taking on most days. He called out and when Marco didn’t answer, he decided it meant that Marco was off wherever ghosts went when they weren’t following him around. Armin reached out and picked up one of Jean’s pillows, wrapping his arms around it and burying his face in it.

It smelled like Jean, a scent that was now familiar and comforting to Armin. He clung to it tightly, pretending it was a person he was wrapping his arms around. Maybe even Jean. He wished it were. He suddenly wished for that very, very badly. Armin meant to put the pillow down when he heard Jean coming back, but he never got the chance. Jean’s voice woke him, along with what felt like gentle fingers threading through his hair. But when he opened his eyes, Jean’s hands were at his sides as he leaned over him. The pillow was still clutched tightly in his arms and Jean was looking at him with a strange look that seemed warm and inviting and scared all at once. Jean took a seat on the edge of the bed beside him.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Chapter 7 is done and boy is it a long one! Consider it an apology for updating a day late and still not being on a Sunday schedule. Unfortunately, on top of a bit of writers block, our power was out most of the day yesterday after a bad storm came through the area so obviously there wasn't much I could do. Anyways. I know a lot happens in this chapter, but hopefully it doesn't feel rushed. Comments and constructive criticism are always welcome and thanks for reading!
> 
> PS: now that I've gotten to the "drama" of the story, it's flowing pretty well for me so I might even have the next update ready this weekend. Don't hold me to it, but I'll try.


	8. Chapter 8

Initially Armin shook his head. All he wanted to do, for some insane reason, was move closer and curl up against Jean and feel the brunette’s arms around him. Jean fixed him with a look but didn’t press the issue. Instead he shrugged and started to get up. Without thinking Armin reached for his hand. Jean didn’t pull away and his hand was warm. Armin was grateful for that. 

“Eren thinks I’m a stick in the mud,” he mumbled. He knew the expression was out of date, but his grandfather had always used it and Armin couldn’t think of a better one at the moment. 

“What?” 

“I wasn’t trying to say he can’t do whatever he wants, I just want to make sure he’s thought of all the consequences. And I tried to tell him and he said I have no room to lecture him on breaking rules because I’m always too scared to break them, so what do I know about really wanting something and doing anything to get it? And that he specifically didn’t tell me because he knew I’d overreact.”

Jean frowned. 

“He sounds like kind of a shitty friend, if you ask me,” he said.

“Don’t say that! Eren has always been there for me.” 

“Well I’m just saying, you’re trying to look out for him and this is what he does,” Jean pointed out. Armin decided it would be better not to point out that their friendship had not always been so different. Jean wasn’t supposed to know that. 

“I just don’t know how I’m going to fix this…I don’t feel like _I_ should apologize, but I don’t feel like _he_ should apologize either.” 

“Well I say screw him. If he really wants to be your friend he should come apologize and if not then he’s not worth it,” Jean said bluntly.

“I can’t do that Jean. Eren was the first person I could ever count on, who didn’t think I was a burden. Without him and Mikasa I don’t know what I would’ve done. You don’t know what that’s like.”

A pained look crossed Jean’s face and for a moment it looked like he was going to protest but then thought better of it. Armin wondered if he’d accidentally touched a nerve. But he found it hard to believe that Marco would’ve been Jean’s only friend…he was so fascinating and charming when he wanted to be. 

“All I’m saying is that he’s got no right to say that to you. You’re not a stick in the mud.” Armin gave a weak smile, feeling marginally better. 

“A freakishly good student maybe, but not a stick in the mud.” Armin’s answering smile was genuine, knowing that Jean was teasing him and Jean smiled and returned. Then he glanced around, frowning just a little. 

“So uh, I’m guessing you need somewhere to sleep, huh?” Armin also looked around and felt his face flush. 

“Well I mean I don’t want to be an inconvenience but-” 

“But you don’t want to go back and deal with jerkosaurus-rex, right? Well…as you can see I don’t really have another place for you to sleep…” 

“I can sleep on the floor or something,” Armin suggested. Jean shook his head.

“I’m not gonna make you do that. We could just, you know, share the bed.” If Armin didn’t have the proof in front of him, he would’ve thought he was imagining the pink tinge in Jean’s cheeks. 

“Oh…are you sure? I don’t have to-” 

“It’s fine Armin. It’s just for the night. Besides, you look exhausted.”

Armin couldn’t deny that. He had fallen asleep in the few minutes Jean was showering. And…he glanced down to the pillow still in his lap. Jean still hadn’t commented on it, but Armin knew there was no way he hadn’t noticed. 

“Okay,” he finally said. 

Jean smiled and that damned pinkness was still there and if it was doing anything it was making Armin very apprehensive. He needed to calm down. They were just sharing a bed because Jean was a good friend. That was all. There hadn’t even been anything to indicate that Jean felt anything stronger towards Armin. Okay…maybe that wasn’t _entirely_ true, at least if any of the books with romantic subplots had any ounce of truth in them… 

Armin shook his head to clear his thoughts. 

“Good. Now that that’s settled…do you want to borrow some clothes? They’ll be big but it’s better than sleeping in your jeans,” Jean offered. Armin felt like he could no longer remember a time when his cheeks felt normal and not all hot and his forehead all tingly. 

“O-okay. Thank you for doing all this for me Jean…you know you don’t have to,” Armin mumbled. Jean sighed and it sounded just a touch annoyed. Armin wondered what he’d done wrong. 

“Armin, you know this isn’t an issue for me. If I didn’t want to help you, I wouldn’t. If I didn’t want you around, I wouldn’t hang out with you. I know that for whatever reason you have a hard time believing that, but you should stop being so hard on yourself. It’s kind of irritating,” Jean said as he went to get a pair of pants for Armin to sleep in. 

This time Armin knew the flush in his cheeks was from embarrassment. How often had Eren or Mikasa said something along the same lines; that he was too hard on himself? Armin wanted to believe them. And he wanted to believe Jean. There was no reason he shouldn’t but it wasn’t quite as easy as flipping a switch in his mind. He took the pants silently when Jean handed them to him and the older boy sighed again. 

“Sorry, guess that was king of rude. But seriously. There’s nothing not to like about you Armin. Trust me. Especially if you can put up with me, okay?” 

“Okay, I’ll try.” Armin agreed as he got up to change. He tried not to be self-conscious as he shucked out of his jeans and into the soft cotton pants even if he could’ve sworn he felt Jean’s eyes on him the entire time. But maybe that was somewhat wishful thinking because when he turned around Jean had taken off his shirt and was pulling down the blankets. 

“Er…I know it’s not very big but obviously there’s not much I can do about that,” Jean said, causing Armin to look up from staring at Jean’s bare chest. It wasn’t that he was particularly muscled or anything like that, but his skin looked very soft and very touchable. Armin was glad Jean had spoken.

“Uh n-no, it’s fine.” 

He was going to apologize for invading Jean’s sleeping space again but decided against it. Jean climbed in first, lying on his back and Armin climbed in after him, laying on his side facing away from Jean and closer to the edge of the bed than he’d have liked, but there wasn’t enough room for them both to lie that way. Jean was very warm beside him and Armin realized he was probably going to have a very hard time sleeping knowing that Jean was so near and that this was probably the closest he’d ever get to being held by him. He felt Jean shift beside him and a moment later felt Jean’s breath on the back of his neck. Armin almost jumped out of his skin. What was he doing?! 

“Sorry,” Jean muttered, his voice close to Armin’s ear. “I don’t like facing the wall and you didn’t have very much space there.” It took Armin a minute to find his voice and then another second to convince himself not to blurt out how very okay he was with it and that he wished Jean would wrap an arm around him as well. 

“That’s alright,” he said instead, his voice wavering just a little. 

“Okay, let me know if I make you uncomfortable.” Armin nodded and then felt Jean chuckle a little. 

“What?” Jean hesitated a moment.

“It’s nothing…it’s just…different this way.” Armin wasn’t sure what he meant by that. 

“You’re very cryptic sometimes you know,” he muttered. Jean laughed quietly again and Armin liked the way he could feel it even through the space still between them. 

“I don’t mean to be. I’ve just got…something I’m not ready to talk about yet I guess.” And Armin almost flinched because he knew just what that something was, but of course Jean couldn’t know that. Instead Armin did the next best thing he could think of. 

“Well, if or when you do want to talk about it you know you can talk to me.” 

“Yeah, I know.Thank you Armin. Now quit yapping and go to sleep.” Armin giggled a little. 

“Okay. Goodnight Jean.” 

Of course Armin didn’t fall asleep right away though. He had too much on his mind. How was he ever going to make things up with Eren? Would things ever go further with Jean? And what about Marco? Jean kept bringing him up…of course Armin knew they had been best friends but…the way Jean looked when he spoke of him, was it possible they’d been more than friends? Was that maybe why – 

“Armin, I can practically hear you thinking,” Jean mumbled sleepily. And didn’t that just raise a million more conflicting feelings in him? 

“Stop worrying about Eren. He’ll come around.” 

“Yeah, okay. I’m sorry to keep you up.”

“S’fine. Just go to sleep.” Armin closed his eyes again and tried to shut his mind off, but the room was only quiet for a few seconds more. 

“Would it help if I held you?” Jean no longer sounded have asleep and Armin felt his stomach do a backflip.

“ _What_?” 

“I dunno. When I was upset as a kid I always wanted my mom to hug me and nevermind, it was stupid.” 

Armin could practically hear the blush in Jean’s voice. He thought about how much he had wanted his grandfather’s comfort earlier, and later how much he had wished Jean could give that comfort. Besides, platonic cuddling was a thing that happened, wasn’t it? There wasn’t anything wrong with it, was there? 

“Y-yeah…If you don’t mind, please,” he mumbled. A second later he felt Jean’s arm around him, pulling him close so they were basically spooning. 

“Feel free to move away if you want.” Jean said, and there was a certain comfortableness in his voice that Armin had rarely heard. The blond just nodded and closed his eyes. He could feel the steady rise and fall of Jean’s chest against his back and the slight tickle as Jean’s breath crossed over his ear. He focused on the warmth of Jean’s arm around him and a short while later, Armin finally drifted to sleep. 

He expected to wake up alone, or maybe to Jean telling him that he needed to go or pushing him away but he didn’t wake to any of those things. Instead he woke to Jean’s arm slung over his waist and his own nose pressed almost against the brunette’s chest. Instead of comforting him it startled him into alertness. This is probably not what Jean had intended and even if part of Armin did just want to curl back up against him and go back to sleep, he didn’t want to take advantage of Jean’s kindness.

Gently as he could he squirmed out of Jean’s grasp and got of the bed. Jean grumbled something unintelligible and Armin couldn’t help but smile. He pulled the blanket up over Jean’s shoulders to make up for the sudden lack of heat now that he was gone and stepped back. Now what was he going to do? He didn’t want to just leave because well, not only would that be exceptionally rude, but also because he just wanted to stay. He looked around again and his eyes settled on the small collection of books Jean had on his shelf. He hadn’t been in many other people’s dorm rooms, but he had reached the conclusion that not many students had the time or the desire for pleasure reading. The fact that Jean at least intended to made him smile again. 

He was going to have to do something about this.

He didn’t want to stop hanging out with Jean, but sooner or later his feelings were going to come out and honestly Armin was more afraid of rejection than he cared to admit. He shook his head and went to examine the bookshelf further. He was sure that at this point he and Jean were close enough that Jean wouldn’t mind him nosing through his books. Eventually he settled on an old classic that looked a little more beat up than he cared for, but he supposed it just meant it had been well read, and that he didn’t mind so much. He grabbed Jean’s desk chair and pulled it closer to the bed, putting his bare feet up on it and getting comfortable. 

Except instead of opening the book, he watched Jean sleep for a few minutes. It felt…a little invasive, he guessed, but he didn’t know when he’d have a chance to do something like this again. Jean's face was calm, his mouth open just a little bit as he breathed. Armin wanted to reach out and run his fingers through the sleeping boy’s hair, or even steal a kiss. But he knew this wasn’t some cheesy romance novel and that neither of those things would be appropriate. But that didn’t change how much he wanted to do it. 

Armin sighed. The whole ‘unrequited love’ routine was a very old one. He wished he’d stayed in bed. A moment later he forced himself to open the book and get lost in it. It wasn’t until sometime later when Jean groaned, stretched and looked around blearily that he came back. 

“Morning early bird,” he said. Armin flushed and just gave a shrug. He didn’t know how to say he got up because he felt too right and thus wrong in Jean’s arms. Jean got out of bed and stretched some more and Armin couldn’t help but let his eyes follow the other’s movements. Damn it…if he kept this up he was going to end up giving his attraction in a way Jean was very unlikely not to notice. 

“Do you want some coffee?” Jean asked, going over to the fridge near his desk and thus the Keurig on top of it. 

“Oh um, okay…Do you have any of the sweet kinds? I don’t really like my coffee black…” Armin mumbled. 

“I know that you dork, there’s creamer in the fridge,” Jean said.

Armin was taken aback. Jean preferred his coffee black with a little bit of sugar, so why did he have creamer unless it was specifically for Armin? That was silly….maybe he had another friend who liked creamer in their coffee. That was probably it. Except when Jean handed Armin a mug of hot, light brown coffee and he took a sip, he realized it was the ‘Warm Cinamon Sugar Cookie’ variety – a seasonal fall flavor that was not nearly as popular as Pumpkin Spice and that Armin vaguely remembered mentioning as his favorite once. Something about the smile on Jean’s face made Armin realize that somehow Jean knew the conclusion he had just drawn and was pleased about it. Armin wasn’t sure what to say. 

“You’re welcome,” Jean finally said. 

“Th-thank you. Sorry. I just wasn’t expecting, well, any of this,” Armin admitted. Jean looked a little uncomfortable. 

“Well, neither was I it’s just that…” he shrugged and trailed off and what it ‘just was’ Armin didn’t find out. “Your phone is blinking. I think you have a message or something.” Armin held in a sigh. Jean was far too good at keeping him guessing. The blond picked up his phone and found several messages from Eren. 

_Armin it’s late. Where are you?_

_Come on man, stop being such a baby and come back already._

_Obviously you’re not coming back tonight, so whatever. I hope horse-face let you stay the night_

Armin didn’t know whether to be angry or exasperated. He knew he should probably give Eren an apology, but he couldn’t help but feel that his friend was being extremely immature at the moment. And he was _not_ a stick in the mud, dammit! He also thought it very ironic that Eren was concerned that he hadn’t come home last night, despite the number of nights Eren had done the same to him. This whole thing had gotten out of hand… Still… Armin didn’t consider himself particularly prideful, but for some reason this was something he was not willing to let go. Jean had pulled out his laptop and wasn’t paying him much attention at the moment, which Armin was surprisingly grateful for. Finally he made up his mind. 

“Hey Jean, you’ve been to parties before, right?” Armin asked innocently. Jean practically snorted. 

“Obviously, why?” 

“Well, think we can find one tonight?” 

“ _What_?” 

Armin smiled and tried not to look like the idea of it actually terrified him. 

“You heard me. I wanna go out and have some fun. You wouldn’t make me go by myself would you?” And wasn’t that just the most manipulative thing that had ever come out of his mouth? To his surprise Jean laughed. 

“You’re cute, but not that cute. They wouldn’t let you in the door by yourself. I can get us in,” he said with a smirk. Armin felt his face flush but he smiled. 

“Alright. Um…I’ll need to go back to the dorm for a while though to shower and stuff,” he said and Jean looked a little uncertain. 

“What about Eren?” Armin shrugged. 

“I’ve only got to deal with him for a few hours. He probably won’t even be there.”

“Okay, if you say so. I’ll swing by and pick you up around nine, okay? Make sure you eat something before then,” Jean instructed.

Armin nodded and finished his coffee before getting dressed in the clothes he had worn yesterday. As he did this Jean had gotten up to put his mug in a bin by the window, so Armin walked over to him and before he could think himself out of it, wrapped his arms around Jean and hugged him.

“Thanks for everything,” he mumbled.

He could’ve sworn he felt a light pressure on the top of his head like Jean had just pressed a kiss there but when he pulled away Jean didn’t look embarrassed or guilty…perhaps he had imagined it. But that didn’t make sense because there had been too many other signs…unless Armin had been reading too far into all of that. But the logical part of his brain told him that probably wasn’t true and he was just being too insecure to trust his instincts. He wished Jean would be up front about it…he was so honest about everything else! The feel of Jean’s hand ruffling his hair brought him back to the present. 

“Don’t sweat it Armin. I’ll see you later, okay?” Armin nodded and headed out the door, feeling nervous and excited for a great number of reasons. Somehow he knew that no matter what happened tonight, everything was going to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha! I've finally done it! I've finally gotten ahead again so I can go back to posting on Sundays!! Anyways, Chapter 8 for your reading pleasure - hopefully you enjoy it. For those of you concerned about Marco, don't worry I haven't forgotten about him I promise. Depending on how the next chapter goes, we're probably looking at about 10 chapters, maybe 11 but hopefully not more. I know it gets tedious reading super long fics... Anyways! Thank you all for reading and sticking with the story this long!


	9. Chapter 9

To Armin’s surprise and somewhat to his disappointment, Eren was there when he got back to their dorm. The silence was almost deafening, worse than the awkwardness that had ensued over the last few weeks. But Armin had other things to worry about. What was he thinking?! Asking Jean to take him out like that? And Jean _agreeing_? There was no way this wasn’t going to end badly!

Armin had surmised that Jean was…irresponsible around alcohol, to say the least and thus he had been doing his best to keep Jean away from parties for the last few weeks. Now here he was, asking Jean to take him to one where there would probably be a ton of people and a ton of alcohol, and neither of those things made Armin particularly comfortable…He knew alcohol lowered a person’s inhibitions…what if he saw a ghost and started talking to it? How was he going to explain that away? If he wasn’t able to, everything would probably come unraveled. And all this because he couldn’t swallow his meager pride and let Eren be right. 

Again.

It wasn’t that Eren was a know-it-all or anything, it was just that he was so stubborn, Armin was more likely to back down than continuing to argue a point he knew he wouldn’t be able to get across. But not this time. Armin didn’t know what made this time so different, but he was determined to see this through. So they didn’t speak very much and Armin killed time by going to eat lunch and doing a bit of reading between browsing the webpages before taking a nice long shower and getting ready. 

But what should he wear? Nothing too fancy…It was chilly out right now given that it was already the middle of October, but if he was going to be drinking and he was wearing a sweater he might overheat… Was he overthinking too much? Probably…he did that a lot. He wished he could ask Eren, but then Eren would want to know where he was going, or maybe another argument would ensue. But…what was Armin hoping would come from all of this? What, that he would go out and have fun with Jean and come back and gloat to Eren how much fun he had and how he was perfectly capable of bending the rules and having a good time? And then what? Did he really think that would make everything better? He should just give this up and apologize already. Except now he was kind of curious….would a real college party be anything like the movies? 

He put his hands on his cheeks and used them to shake his head. He needed to knock this off! He was going and that was that! In the end he wore his favorite pair of jeans and a t-shirt and the long button up sweater hanging in his closet so he could take it off easily if he needed. He stared at himself in the mirror after brushing his teeth. He looked…okay. He tried pulling his hair back a little, but it wasn’t long enough to keep it that way. Maybe he should grow it out a little? Or should he cut it off? He’d been wanting to do something with it for a while…but then again, it hadn’t caused him any problems. It was what he was used to, after all. Besides, growing it out would be a pain, and cutting it off would mean forsaking the dream that someday he’d have someone to run their fingers through it as they cuddled. 

Armin couldn’t help blushing as he remembered what he could’ve sworn was the feeling of Jean doing that exact thing last night…He shook his head again and checked his watch. He still had another hour…he should probably go get another meal. It had been a few hours and Jean had told him to eat something first, probably so the alcohol would take longer to hit him. He hesitated as he went to the door. Should he ask Eren if he wanted to go? No…that would be just as uncomfortable as the rest of the day had been, if not more so. So he went to eat by himself and afterwards came back to the dorm and, not knowing what else to do, sat down on the futon with his phone in his hands. Part of him was still worried that Jean was going to call it off… Eventually Eren, who was sitting at his desk with his back to Armin, glanced over his shoulder with a scowl. 

“Are you going somewhere or something?” he all but snapped. Armin avoided his gaze and gave a shrug. 

“I’m going out with Jean,” he said evasively. He heard Eren make a ‘hmph’ noise but when he glanced up Eren had turned back around. Armin held in a sigh of relief and tried to make himself stop fidgeting. He needed to stop working himself up. When there was finally a knock at the door Armin practically jumped to his feet.

“H-hey,” he said somewhat breathlessly as he opened the door. Jean didn’t look any better or worse than he usually did, and he usually looked quite good, in Armin’s opinion at least, but he was an incredibly welcome sight. 

“Hey, you ready to go?” 

“Yeah, just let me grab my sweater,” Armin said. 

He was careful not to look in Eren’s direction or open the door wide enough for the two to see each other. The blond slid into the hallway and smiled up at Jean, doing his best not to show how nervous he was. Jean seemed to see right through him though. 

“Hey, don’t be so nervous you dork. We’re going to a party, not an execution,” Jean said. Armin knew he was being teased but he felt his face turning red anyways as he gave a little laugh.

“I know…I’v e just never been to one before. I’m sure it doesn’t need saying, but I wasn’t exactly the height of popularity in high school. Besides, I’ve never even really had a drink,” he admitted.

“Well, we don’t have to go you know. I mean, it’s not like you’ve got anything to prove to Eren or anything.” Jean said and he was so confident in the way he said it that Armin wanted to hide his face in his hands. He knew exactly what Armin was doing! Jean probably thought he was pathetic. Oh god, this was terrible! This was – 

“But what do I know. You asked me to take you out and have a good time, so that’s what I’m gonna do – whether you like it or not,” Jean said with a somewhat mischievous grin. Armin smile and felt the tension leave him almost instantly.

The house wasn’t too far off campus, though Armin didn’t recognize the area. He had a brief moment of concern at this point…what if Jean got to drunk and couldn’t get them home? Armin shook his head, cutting off that train of thought. Jean would take care of him. He had to trust that. Jean talked them into the house and before Armin knew it, he was standing in the living room full of people. There was a football game on, so the only music was – for the moment at least – playing quietly in the background. At the moment, everyone seemed more concerned about the game than actually partying. A slow build up then. Perhaps that was better…

“It’s a little slow now while the game is finishing up, but it’ll get better soon,” Jean said. 

Armin just nodded and glanced around. Nobody here seemed particularly threatening…and they all seemed alive, which was also a plus. He barely noticed that Jean had walked away until the brunette was back, holding out a red plastic cup to him. Armin smelled it and wrinkled his nose before taking a sip. Maybe it tasted better than it smelled…No. That was a definite no. He couldn’t help the face he made and when he looked up, Jean was laughing at him. If Armin hadn’t been so captivated by the sight of Jean actually laughing, he might’ve been insulted. 

“Okay, no beer for you. That’s alright. It won’t go to waste,” Jean assured him. Armin just nodded. Jean left again and came back with another cup which Armin eyes suspiciously. 

“It’s just Mountain Dew and vodka,” Jean said, still grinning. Armin took a sip, considered it for a moment and then nodded. 

“Okay, I can handle this,” he said. 

It wasn’t the most pleasant thing but…it was an experience, right? And the more of it he drank, the less strange it seemed to taste. After a while, all he tasted was the Mountain Dew. Jean had found them seats on one of the couches somehow – though their thighs were pressed together – and Armin, despite never having cared about football before, found himself cheering along with everyone else for the last few minutes of the game and downright yelling when their team one. The girl beside him – a taller, rather loud girl with long brown hair - turned to him and grinned. 

“That was some game, huh?” she said. Armin just nodded.

“Yeah, I’ve never watched a football game before.” 

“Eh? Really?! Well I guess you don’t really look the type to be into sports,” she said in a surprisingly friendly tone. 

“That’s what Jean says.” 

And they continued chatting with more ease than Armin had ever found himself conversing with anyone before. In fact, he found himself doing most of the talking. He talked to her about the ocean, and his favorite sea creatures and they laughed over stupid things – for some reason everything seemed extremely funny to him – and when she brought him another cup of something, he accepted it without question. Somewhere, part of him recognized that maybe that wasn’t such a smart idea, but what could it hurt? 

Every once in a while Armin would turn and glance at Jean to make sure he was still there and hopefully convey that he was indeed enjoying himself. Except every time this happened he found Jean looking at him and all Armin could do was grin at that. He might’ve blushed as well, but he honestly wasn’t sure…his face was feeling very warm. He was aware that Jean was drinking too, but he hadn’t really been paying attention to how much. 

The girl – Sasha, her name was – had brought over her boyfriend Connie, who was absolutely hysterical and was imitating a gym teacher he’d had in high school who Connie swore had picked him up by the head. Sasha brought them all another cup of whatever she had brought Armin the first time. Whatever it was was fairly sweet and didn’t taste like alcohol. Armin liked it, even if the music was loud and there were a lot of people. He was actually having fun. Or was that the alcohol talking? He wasn’t sure…part of him thought that maybe he should slow down but the alcohol had made everything seem so hilarious and talking so easy. If he stopped now, maybe his nerves would come back?

No, he could handle one more. Maybe even two. 

In the end, he wasn’t sure how many he had, but suddenly Jean was standing in front of him, setting his drink on the table. The other boy leaned over and plucked Armin’s drink from his hands, replacing it with a cold water bottle.

“But Jeannnnn!” he whined – a very undignified thing that he would probably never admit to doing. 

“Trust me, you’ll thank me tomorrow,” Jean said, and for some reason, his voice sounded sharper and clearer than Sasha or Connie’s or even his own. Armin glanced at the cup on the table and then back at Jean. 

“You didn’t finish your drink,” he finally said. 

“No, I didn’t.” Another pause as Armin sipped at his water bottle. 

“Are we leaving soon?” 

“We can if you want.” Armin looked around, at all the people and the empty cups and bottles and realized suddenly how loud the music was and how hoarse his throat felt. He thought of waking up in Jean’s arms. 

“Yes please.” 

“Okay then, I’ll take you home,” Jean agreed. Armin beamed up at him and then stood up. The room spun around him for a few seconds. He took a step forward and almost fell but caught himself on the couch. He did the only thing he could think of; he giggled. Armin thought he heard Jean swear to himself and watched as the brunette took a sip of whatever Armin had been drinking. This time he swore in earnest. 

“Is it bad?” Armin asked, not understanding what the problem was. It had tasted fine to him… 

“No, just a little stronger than you should’ve had. Don’t worry, I’ll get you home. Come on.” Armin just smiled up at him. 

“I know you will. I trust you.”

Jean gave him a small smile and put an arm around him, leading him towards the door and pushing their way through the crowd. It seemed like a very long walk to Armin. The crisp air hit him suddenly and helped to clear his head a small bit, but walking was still more difficult than it should’ve been. 

“Okay, my dorm is closer so I’m gonna take you back there, alright?” Jean asked. Armin nodded and giggle. 

“It’ll be like a sleepover,” he said. Jean smiled and shook his head before kneeling down.

“I’m gonna carry you, okay?” Armin stared at him for a moment and then grinned again, swaying on his feet a little.

“Like piggy back?” 

“Yes Armin, like piggy back. Now get on you big drunk nerd,” Jean said, but his voice was patient.

Armin clambered onto Jean’s back as best he could and trusted Jean to do the rest. As Jean stood up, the world swayed again and for a second Armin thought they might fall. But he wasn’t really worried about it. Jean would keep him safe. If not for the constant sensation of Jean’s footfalls, Armin might’ve fallen asleep, with his head resting on Jean’s shoulder and his nose just a few centinmeters from Jean’s neck. He could probably kiss it if he wanted to…but he shouldn’t do that. There was a reason he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t think of it right now. He just knew that he shouldn’t, so he didn’t. 

“Thank you Jean,” he mumbled instead. 

“Huh? What for?” 

But Armin just shook his head.

When they finally reached the dorm, Armin was rather proud of himself for staying awake and not throwing up all over Jean, because he did feel more than a little queasy. But he waved at the blond behind the desk – Reiner, as he had learned during one of his previous visits – who had looked up when they came in the front door. Reiner stared at him with a raised eyebrow but then shook his head and didn’t comment. 

“Okay, I’m putting you down now,” Jean said as they came to a standstill in front of the elevators. 

“Okay…” Armin muttered, with just the slightest bit of pout in his voice. 

“Wait, I wanna push the button. It’ll be like New Years!” Armin said, pressing the ‘up’ button. 

“What?” 

“New Years, see? Four, three, two, one…Happy new year!” When Jean just laughed at him, Armin frowned. What had he said? 

“You have no idea how cute you are, do you?” Armin blinked up at him.

“Cute?” 

“Yeah, cute. You’re fuckin’ adorable, okay?” 

Armin felt the grin spreading across his face but he didn’t say anything. Jean thought he was cute! But…he had known that already, hadn’t he? Somehow it meant more this time though. The elevator dinged at Jean’s floor and Armin followed Jean out, feeling a little bit more steady on his feet as he waited for the brunette to unlock the door. He struggled with his shoes, nearly losing his balance and falling into the wall as Jean took a few things off the bed and pulled back the covers. 

“Come on, sit down, I’ll get you some pajamas,” Jean said. Armin blushed and nodded, but that was nothing compared to how he felt when Jean actually had to help him into the pants. He might’ve been very drunk, but apparently he was still capable of being embarrassed.

“There, now lay down,” Jean instructed and then pulled the blankets up. Armin frowned. 

“But where are you going to sleep?” he asked. Why wouldn’t Jean just sleep in the bed with him like they had yesterday? 

“On the floor,” Jean said, pulling out a spare couple of blankets from the closet. Armin frowned. 

“Oh…okay. You could sleep up here with me,” he offered. It would be nice…the two of them together again. Jean sighed and gave a small smile. 

“Not tonight Armin…But here, if you need to puke, do it in the wastebasket,” Jean said, placing the bin near the bed. Armin made a face and then looked back up at Jean, trying to figure something out. 

“Why won’t you come up here with me?” he asked. Jean sighed again and then hesitated. 

“Because Armin I just…shouldn’t okay? It’s too…you’re too…I just shouldn’t. But I’ll be right here and you can wake me up if you need me,” he promised. For some reason, this bothered Armin greatly, but he didn’t argue. 

“Okay…come here first though,” he said, trying to sound authoritative. If Jean wasn’t going to sleep beside him then there was something else he wanted. Something he had thought about earlier. Jean sat down on the edge of the bed. 

“What?” he asked in his usual impatient sounding manner. Armin was used to it now. It was just Jean being Jean. And he liked Jean. Armin smiled and leaned forward a little bit.

“I want to kiss you,” he said, and he was surprised by how easy it was to admit that. Jean looked like he was having some sort of internal debate, but for some reason this didn’t bother Armin. For once in his life, he felt rather sure of himself. After a few seconds, Jean leaned forward and Armin’s eyes fluttered closed as their lips touched. Jean’s lips were warm, just a little bit dry and completely wonderful against his. When they broke apart, Armin beamed at him. 

“That was better than I imagined it would be,” he said with a contented sigh before flopping back onto the pillows. 

“I hope I remember it tomorrow…maybe I shouldn’t have had so much,” he conceded. 

“Maybe not, light-weight. But you’ll be fine. I just hope you don’t clock me when you _do_ remember it,” Jean teased. “Now go to sleep, you’ll feel better in the morning. There’s a water bottle right here for you.” Armin closed his eyes, feeling very pleased with himself. 

“Thank you Jean. I had fun tonight…” he mumbled, already falling asleep. 

“I should be thanking you, I think,” Jean muttered. Or at least Armin thought he heard that. He wasn’t quite sure if it was real, or part of his dreams that night…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, chapter 9, and it looks like Armin may have been right about things changing ~~even if it's a super cliche plot point~~! I have to warn you all, I'm moving into my apartment this Thursday and while I plan on having the next chapter done before then so it's just ready to post, there is a very slim possibility that might not happen, which would mean no update until Monday but I'm doing my best to make sure that doesn't happen. 
> 
> On another note, I've noticed some disappointment over the potential length of this fic, and while I'm still looking at 11 (or maybe 12) chapters, I'm pleased to announce there will be a bonus chapter! And that bonus chapter will consist of the chapter you just read, but from Jean's perspective! The reason for that is when I initially wrote this chapter in my notebook while on a bus in Europe, the narration followed Jean rather than Armin. However, I realized that didn't really fit with the rest of the story, but I still want to share it so hopefully you guys will enjoy that and again, thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

Armin awoke to a headache. In fact, the headache was so bad it was what woke him up. He groaned and rolled over so the sun no longer fell on his face. His head hurt, his eyes hurt, his stomach was bothering him. He felt like shit…why did he feel so bad? Oh…that was right, he had gone out with Jean, and he’d actually had fun – and perhaps a little too much to drink but that was another matter. And then Jean had brought him back here and…Armin’s eyes widened and he brought his fingers to his lips. Had he…had he actually done that? Oh how could he have been so stupid?! But…Jean had responded to it. Jean had kissed him so…what did all this mean? 

Armin peeked over the side of the bed to where Jean was still sleeping. The floor looked rather uncomfortable. So…why hadn’t he slept on the bed? Jean hadn’t given a very good explanation to that… Maybe he’d give a better one today? If Armin asked him, that was. As it was, he didn’t know if he’d be able to face Jean. It had been easy to ask for that kiss last night and to do well, everything he had done last night. But now…what was he going to do? Jean mumbled something and rolled over, drawing Armin’s eyes to him. What would happen if he kissed him now? Would it be the same? After a moment he tore his eyes away and looked around the room. He frowned at the shadowy figure hovering near the door. 

“Marco?” he asked quietly. But Marco didn’t appear. In fact, now that he thought about it, he had been so wrapped up with everything that had been going on that he could hardly remember the last time Marco had appeared at all even in his new ‘shadowy ghost’ form and certainly not in his human one. 

“I’m sorry I took him out partying, but he did okay,” Armin said quietly and then sighed. “It’s still frustrating that you won’t tell me what happened, but you don’t have to stay away all the time. I…I hope you don’t feel like I’m replacing you. Jean wouldn’t do that. He thinks about you a lot still, I can tell.” 

What was he doing? He didn’t even know if Marco could hear him… but now that the idea had occurred to him it bothered him a lot. Judging by the hints Jean had dropped about Marco’s character, he was obviously a good person and a good friend and Armin had no intention of trying to fill the void his death had left in Jean’s life. He just wanted to help… 

“Were you talking to someone?” Jean mumbled sleepily. Armin blinked and looked down at him, feeling slightly panicked. How much of that had he heard?! 

“Um…no.” he said. Jean grunted but seemed appeased.

“Guess I must’ve been dreaming then… how do you feel?” 

“….Not good,” the blond admitted.

Jean laughed a little. 

“Well, you drank a lot more than you should’ve for a beginner. I’m surprised you haven’t thrown up.”

It was poetic, really. Almost the moment Jean finished his sentence, Armin’s stomach decided it was tired of just aching and that it wanted to be empty. Frantically he grabbed at the bin near the bed and threw up. Armin groaned, feeling torn between disgusted at the taste in his mouth and horrified that Jean had just watched him upchuck. 

“I’m sorry, I should’ve kept a better eye on you,” Jean said with a groan. Armin looked up at him, confused.

“You got me back here okay and you made sure I had what I needed,” he said. Jean shrugged. Armin opened his mouth to respond and clamped it closed again, taking a deep breath and willing himself not to throw up again. He hoped he wasn’t going to spend the whole day like this… 

“I don’t get it…if this is what happens everytime you get drunk, why do you even bother? This is awful,” he whined. Jean gave a sort of chuckle.

“It just makes things…easier, I guess. Besides, if you don’t overdo it it’s not this bad.” Armin frowned. 

Easier? What could it make easier? Well…it had certainly made it easier to kiss Jean. Armin nearly winced, distracted from his previous train of thought and suddenly very aware of almost everything he had said last night. 

“Oh god…It’s like New Years? Really? Do me a favor and don’t ever let me drink again.” This time Jean laughed in earnest. 

“You remember that, huh? Well, don’t sweat it. It was really one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen,” he replied and then he looked a little uncomfortable. 

“Uh, is that…all you remember?” Armin felt his face flush. 

He didn’t want to be talking about this while he was hunched over a trash can trying not to throw up again. He could say yes. He could lie and say that he had no recollection of kissing Jean whatsoever, but that scared him almost as much as the idea of admitting that he did. If he said he didn’t remember, would he ever have the courage to broach the subject again? Or would he continue to hide his feelings for Jean indefinitely? Armin took a deep breath. 

“No, I…I…remember you kissing me,” he said slowly. Jean put a hand over his face and Armin felt his heart sink, an especially unpleasant feeling given that it felt like his stomach was trying to force its way up his throat. 

“Shit….I’m sorry Armin. I shouldn’t have done that. You were drunk and I took advantage of that. It won’t happen ag-” 

“Jean, I also remember asking you to do it. I was drunk, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t know what I was doing. Being drunk just made it…easier,” he said, looking at Jean with a nervous little smile. Jean stared at him and even Armin, with all his self-doubt and insecurities couldn’t deny the hope he saw in Jean’s eyes. It was hard to believe it was there because of him.

“S-so…um…I’m not really sure what to say now,” Armin admitted. Jean seemed to snap out of his surprise and grin. 

“Well, I mean…it wasn’t the best kiss, given that you were drunk. And I don’t really want to kiss you now since you just threw up but…maybe we could go on a date? And maybe at the end of that date we could try the whole kiss thing again?” Jean suggested. Armin fought his reflex reaction, which was to ask if Jean was being serious and if he was sure that he really wanted to go on a date with him and instead found himself nodding. 

“I’d like that a lot. Just maybe…not today,” he mumbled. Jean laughed. 

“No, not today,” he agreed. 

“Tomorrow?” Armin offered. Jean thought for a minute. 

“I work tomorrow…how’s Tuesday? We can go for Italian?” Armin nodded almost immediately, and regretted it when the ache in his brain caught up with him. 

“Tuesday is good.” Jean chuckled again and then stood up. “Oh, here’s your phone. I hope you don’t mind, but I texted Eren to let him know you were here,” he said, handing Armin the phone. 

Eren? Why had Jean texted him? He hadn’t done that last time…what was different? Armin swiped the screen a few times to get to his text messages, hoping the answer would be there.

The first came in around 11:45.

_Armin, are you coming back tonight?_

The next was a few hours later at 1am.

_Armin, I just saw Connie in the hallway. He said he saw you at a party and you were hammered. Are you alright? Do you need me to come get you?_

Then there was Jean’s outgoing message to Eren:

_Armin is okay. I gave him some water and told him to sleep it off. I’m keeping an eye on him. –Jean_

That alone was enough to tug at Armin’s heartstrings. He knew they hadn’t come back very late…Jean had stayed up for at least another hour to make sure that Armin hadn’t had too much… And then there was the last one from Eren, which had come in at nearly 3:30

_Armin, I’m sorry I was such an ass. I know you’re not good at arguments and I was a jerk for saying those things. You’re not a stick in the mud. I hope you didn’t go out tonight just to prove that to me and I hope horse-face is taking good enough care of you. See you when you get home._

Armin sighed. Perhaps he should’ve just made up with Eren after all. He had known his friend long enough that if Eren was going to both apologize and admit that he was wrong – even if it was over text message – he probably felt pretty bad. In retrospect, it wasn’t even a big deal…it wasn’t like they hadn’t gotten into arguments before. Why had this time been so bad? 

“I’m an idiot,” he mumbled. 

“For going out and getting shitfaced to spite your friend because you think he’s ditching you for his TA boyfriend? Yeah, maybe a little,” Jean conceded.

Armin felt his face flush. It was embarrassing when Jean was able to put it into such simple words, but really, that was exactly what it came down to. Suddenly Armin felt very ashamed of his behavior, and even more humiliated that Jean had been the one to call him out on it – even if in some ways this seemed very hypocritical to Armin. 

“But that doesn’t mean you’re not justified in being pissed off,” Jean said suddenly. Armin looked up at him, surprised. “You’ve told me enough about your relationship with the two of them to understand why you did it. On one hand, you’ve got Mikasa who you don’t see as much anymore but you know what she’s doing and that she’s hanging out with Annie so you’re not as bothered by it. Eren on the other hand, just stopped hanging out with you and didn’t give you an explanation, so knowing you, you probably thought he was just tired of you or something, but either way he was keeping secrets. And then when you find out where he’s been he turns around and makes it sound like it’s your fault because he couldn’t tell you. That’s a dick move. So I get that you felt angry or hurt or whatever, I just would’ve handled it differently,” Jean said, and though his voice sounded nonchalant, he seemed determined not to meet Armin’s eyes. Perhaps that was because he had given away just how closely he had been paying attention to Armin. 

The idea of it surprised the blond more than he knew how to describe, and he wasn’t really sure why. He knew that he and Jean were friends – and now potentially more than that, but that was an area to which he was determined not to let his mind wander at the current moment – so it shouldn’t have been surprising that Jean knew all this about him. Armin had mentioned it all several times – though perhaps not in such specific terms – so it was natural that Jean, who very obviously cared about Armin in at least one way, would take note. Why was he so surprised by all this? 

The sudden realization hit him like a freight train.

It surprised and bothered him that Jean knew all this about him because what did he really know about Jean? He knew about his major, his hometown, the fact that his mother was French and he spoke it fluently at home. He knew Jean’s favorite video game and type of Chinese food but…all that was standard, wasn’t it? Anyone could know that. What did Armin, as Jean’s friend, know about him? Not much. 

He wasn’t sure if he could read Jean’s moods the way Jean seemed to be able to read his. He didn’t know what to say to make him feel less shitty about himself if or when he was feeling down. He didn’t know how Jean felt about or was dealing with the loss of his best friend. If Jean had his way, Armin wouldn’t even know about that loss at all. He didn’t know any of those things because Jean hadn’t opened up to him about them. 

But Jean was not Eren. Armin couldn’t throw a tantrum of sorts and do something ridiculous to get him to see the error of his ways. That would never fly. If Jean wanted to tell him, he would and there was no use in pushing the matter. Of course, it was hard to make himself believe this when not too long ago he had thought the same of Eren and had been wrong. However…surely if Jean was serious about them well…he’d open up sooner or later, right? 

And it wasn’t like Armin didn’t have a basic grasp of the situation; at some point before he and Armin had met, Jean had lost his best friend somehow. Now he was in college and before Armin began interfering he had spent a good chunk of his time drinking because it ‘made it easier’, with ‘it’ presumably being Marco’s death. There it was, all neat and tidy and wrapped up with a bow. What more did Armin want? 

He wanted Jean to tell him. 

He wanted proof that Jean trusted him as much as he had come to trust Jean. Except…he was keeping secrets too, wasn’t he? A very big, very important secret. But it was different, somehow, because Armin already knew about Jean’s secret, whereas for Jean, ignorance was bliss. Jean didn’t know anything about Armin’s capability to see the dead and if things kept up as they had been, he never would. So it was different, somehow…wasn’t it? 

Of course it wasn’t. Armin knew that. The bottom line was, however much he wanted Jean to be honest, he had no right to expect it until he could be honest as well. He could trust Jean. He was ~~almost~~ sure of it. But how was he going to tell him…how could he make him believe? What was he going to do if Jean decided he was a liar? The obvious answer was of course to move on and find someone better but things were never that cut and dry. Armin was just going to have to take a leap of faith.

But even though he was he was firm in his resolve to tell Jean, he wasn’t quite sure how or when the best opportunity was. When he had told Eren and Mikasa, it had been easier; they had been kids and had been more ready and willing to accept. This was completely different. So even though he knew it had to be done, he just couldn’t seem to bring himself to do it and before he knew it, they were sitting down to their date at the Olive Garden. 

As Armin looked at Jean from across the table he found his mood bordering miserable. He wanted desperately to be enjoying this. It was his first time on a romantic date, and it was with Jean. He should be happy and starry-eyed and hopeful. Instead he couldn’t stop thinking about what he was going to say to Jean, how he was going to bring it up. The conversation was somewhat strained all through the meal, which wasn’t helping anything because Armin knew if he messed up this date he wouldn’t get another one. He should’ve let it go, perhaps brought it up another time, but how could he? 

“The chicken marsala here is okay, but not as good as my mom’s. She promised to give me the recipe, but I can’t make it for another couple months anyways,” Jean said. 

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“I’m not twenty one, remember? Can’t buy wine if I’m not legal. I mean, I’m sure I could get it, but I wouldn’t want to keep it in my room,” he explained, sounding amused. 

“Oh right. You drink so often I guess I forgot,” Armin admitted. Jean looked a little uncomfortable but shrugged and suddenly Armin saw a way in. A way that he should absolutely not even consider taking. 

“Um…speaking of…Jean? Can I ask you something?” he asked. Jean looked up at him, a small, slightly strained smile on his face. 

“Sure. Am I about to find out what’s been bothering you all night?”

Armin hesitated. 

“Earlier…you said you drank because it made it easier to drink so much. You were talking about Marco, weren’t you?” he asked, looking down at his plate. When he looked up, Jean was just staring at him, his mouth hanging open just slightly.

“What?”

“You drink because it helps you forget Marco, don’t you?” 

Oh no, no, no, this was not how this conversation was supposed to go at all. This wasn’t how he wanted to bring it up. What was he doing?! As the shocked look on Jean’s face contorted into one of pain and loss and a grief that Armin himself knew well, he knew he had never regretted anything in his life as much as he regretted asking that question and it was entirely possible that he never would.

“How do you know about Marco?” Jean finally asked, his voice shaking. 

Armin bit his lip and remembered his resolve to give Jean his trust. 

“I know this might be hard for you to believe but…I have…since I was little, I’ve been able to see…well, ghosts. I’ve…been seeing and talking to Marco all year because he was worried about-” 

“Shut up! Just shut up!” Jean stood abruptly, startling Armin. The look on his face was almost frightening. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you really expect me to believe that? I mean, I knew you were desperate but this is pretty fucking low. How’d you find out anyways? You know what, never mind. I don’t even care.” He snarled as he reached into his pocket. It took Armin a few seconds to realize what he was doing. 

“Jean wait, please! I wouldn’t lie to you about this! I just-” 

“Save it Armin. Enjoy the rest of your night,” the brunette snapped, throwing a few bills on the table and walking out, leaving Armin standing there staring after him. 

He should move. He should go after him, stop him before he did something stupid. Why couldn’t he fucking move?! But he knew the answer to that. He was a coward, he always had been. For as much as he liked to think of himself as grown up, when it came down to it, he was just scared. How was he going to fix this? Was it even possible? For the first time in his life Armin was oblivious to the people staring at him. He just couldn’t stop replaying what had just happened, the anger and hurt in Jean’s face. And the anger and hurt that Armin was beginning to feel now that the numbness of shock had begun to wear off. 

How could Jean believe all that? Did he really think that Armin would go out of his way to find out about Marco’s death in order to get closer to him? What purpose would that serve? Armin looked up, rubbing quickly at his eyes when the waitress came over, giving him a sympathetic look. 

“Is there anything I can get you sweetheart?” she asked gently. Armin shook his head. 

“Just the bill please,” he mumbled. He brought out his own wallet to pay, putting Jean’s money away to give back to him. If nothing else, he’d at least see him in class…probably. 

The unfairness of it all was eating at him, but more than that was the empty feeling inside him. He and Eren had just barely made up. There were still sore spots there, and now he and Jean’s friendship – or potential for more than that, as the case might have been – was on the line. He didn’t know what to do, or where Jean had gone. As he waited for the bus, he tried calling but of course Jean didn’t pick up. After a moment of debate, he sent out a text message

_Please Jean, I need to talk to you. It’s not what you think. It doesn’t have to be today, but please give me a chance to explain and please, please don’t put yourself in any danger_

After that he knew there was nothing he could do but wait and try not to worry. And hope that somehow, maybe all of this could be fixed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, in the end I wasn't able to get all of my packing/moving done _and_ finish writing this chapter so, it's a day late ~~but hopefully not a dollar short?~~ Anyways! More drama has unfolded - obviously and Armin finally figures out why he's got such an issue with not knowing the full story about Marco and Jean. But will he ever actually find out???
> 
> The next chapter should still be up next Sunday and...it's looking like the minimum will be 12 chapters because this one is not super long and I'm not going to cram everything into one last chapter. And there will still be a bonus chapter at the end. I'd like to thank those of you who have read up to this point, and especially those of you who have left kudos/comments. It's a really empowering feeling to know that so many people enjoy my work enough to at least click on it, let alone leave feedback. So thanks again!


	11. Chapter 11

Dealing with Jean’s anger would have been easier than dealing with the silence. It had been hours and still nothing. Armin couldn’t help but be worried. He knew Jean was mad, but surely he wasn’t angry enough to ignore Armin’s texted pleas to know that he was safe. He couldn’t calm down, he couldn’t sit still. He wanted to out and look for him, but he didn’t even know where to start. He tried calling out to Marco . Surely the ghost would know where he was, be able to lead him to Jean like the first time, but there was nothing. He had almost never felt so helpless. What if Jean had gone out drinking? Did he know his own limits? What if something awful happened? It would be all Armin’s fault! 

Were he not feeling so panicked, he might appreciate the fact that his state of distress had caused Eren to forget all about their disagreement, but it was all he could do not to pull on his coat and jacket and go out to find the missing brunette. When, for the third time, Mikasa pushed Armin gently but firmly back onto the couch telling him that him running off half-cocked wasn’t going to help anything, he felt like something inside of him snapped.

“You don’t understand! This is all my fault! If I had told him sooner, or kept my mouth shut, none of this would have happened! I don’t know where he is Mikasa, he could be hurt or or, I don’t know, and I’ve got no way of finding out!” he all but shouted, feeling the familiar stinging in his eyes as tear welled up. Mikasa, to her credit, remained very calm. 

“It isn’t your fault Armin. You were in a very tough situation. But now is not the time to wallow in self-pity. Does Marco know how to get to him? That worked last time,” she offered. But her calmness did not help. If anything, it only made him more irritable. 

“No, I already tried that. I don’t know…I don’t know what’s up with Marco. I haven’t been seeing him lately, and I thought it was because he didn’t want me to, but he’d be here for this! I know he would! If only Jean would answer his phone I could do…. _something_!” he said, pulling out his phone once more and calling Jean. Maybe this time he would pick up…. 

Several hours later and still no one had heard from him. Armin couldn’t explain it, but somehow he knew something was wrong. He could just feel it. When his phone rang from across the room – Eren had taken it from him in an effort to get his mind off of it – he jumped up from the sofa and snatched it before either Eren or Mikasa could interfere. He didn’t even check the caller I.D. 

“Jean?” he asked breathlessly. For a moment there was no sound from the other end. 

“Armin? S’that you?” Jean asked, his words almost unrecognizable through the slurring and what sounded like chattering teeth. The relief that Armin had initially felt was sucked away almost immediately. 

“I’m here Jean, where are you? I’ll come get you,” he said, his tone pleading. There was silence again, like Jean was looking around. 

“I don’t…I don’t know. I t-t-thought I was g-g-going towards camp-pus but I’m….I’m lost. Y-you’re…the only one I c-could c-c-call,” he explained. Armin was already pulling on his coat. 

“It’s alright Jean. Are you on the sidewalk? Can you walk a little further and find a street sign for me?” Despite his fear and worry, Armin knew he had to stay calm and make it clear what he needed Jean to do. There was the sound of Jean’s breathing as he walked, and it was doing nothing to help Armin’s nerves; it sounded very shallow and labored. A sudden grunt on the other end of the phone drew Armin’s attention back. 

“Jean? Are you alright?” Jean’s breath was very fast. 

“F-fine…just…s-stumbled. But I found a s-sign. Uh….V-victory and…C-cornerstone.” He said. Armin snatched Eren’s phone, putting in the intersection on the map and waiting for it to load impatiently. Two miles….Jean was two miles from him. He could make that. He could definitely do it. 

“Jean? I’m coming to get you, okay? Jean?” The reply was a sort of grunt that might have been hiding an ‘okay’, but Armin couldn’t say for sure. 

“Armin, what? Where are you going?” Eren asked, bewildered by the situation. 

“I’m going to find him Eren, someone has to! There’s something wrong with him!” he said, grabbing his walled and rushing to the door, tossing Eren’s phone back to him. 

“Armin wait, dammit!” He could hear both Eren and Mikasa calling after him and might have been surprised they hadn’t followed if he had been thinking clearer. But all he could focus on right now was getting to Jean. 

“Jean, are you still there? I’m coming okay, just stay on the phone with me, okay?” Jean mumbled something else incoherently. 

“Jean, talk to me!” 

“I said you’re t-t-too loud. And I’m r-really friggin’ cold and….Armin I’m so tired. I’m just gonna c-close my eyes while I w-wait.” 

“No, Jean, don’t do that, come on keep talking to me!” Armin felt himself beginning to panic in earnest. His lungs were on fire; he wasn’t meant for running such long distances. He was lucky if he was halfway there and if Jean passed out now, there was too much that could go wrong before he got there.

“Jean,” he said desperately, “tell me about Marco. What was he like?” 

“….Fuck you Armin…. You shouldn’t…shouldn’t even know about him.” 

“Tell me anyways, okay?”

“He was…he was….p-p-perfect, you know? The k-kind of guy that…he was just g-good. And I never….I didn’t…”Jean didn’t finish his sentence.

“Didn’t what Jean?” 

“I’m not telling you. Not for you to know,” Jean said, still managing to sound petulant despite his difficulty speaking. 

“I’m gonna t-take a nap. W-wake me up when you g-get h-h-here,” he slurred. 

“No Jean, I already told you, you can’t-” 

There was a sudden beeping and Armin stopped to look down at his phone as it powered down. All the calling and texting he had done today had drained its battery. Armin took off at full speed again, ignoring the ache in his legs and the tightness in his chest as he tried to convince himself that Jean would be okay when he got there. He didn’t know how long it took him, but when he reached the intersection of Victory and Cornerstone, he looked around for Jean, his worry growing when he didn’t see him right away. Then, on the opposite corner he spotted a figure slumped over again a fence. That had to be him. Armin rushed over to him, dropping to his knees. 

“Jean? Jean wake up. Oh god, please wake up,” he pleaded. 

Jean was freezing, his face pale and his lips blue. It was cold out, but not that cold. Armin remembered having looked up the symptoms of alcohol poisoning after the first incident with Jean overdrinking. Hypothermia was one of the symptoms. Time was critical and his phone was dead….but Jean had his! Except when Armin searched his pockets and the concrete around him, it was nowhere to be found and Jean still would not wake. At some point – though he couldn’t remember when – tears had begun to fall. He tried shaking Jean again. 

“Come on you idiot, wake up!” 

Jean hardly stirred.

He had to do something or Jean might die! Just as the idea of knocking on one of the neighbor’s doors occurred to him, a pair of headlights turned the corner, and the car stopped in front of them. Armin didn’t recognize it, but when Eren got out, Armin couldn’t remember ever having felt so relieved in his life. For some reason it made him cry harder. Another man got out of the car, shorter than Eren but carrying himself with authority. 

“We have to get him to the hospital, come on,” he ordered. Armin suddenly recognized him as the man from the coffee shop. Eren agreed and leaned down to heave Jean off the pavement.

“Go on Armin, get in and I’ll put him across the seat,” he said. Armin didn’t know what to say so he just did as he was told and a few moments later Jean was lying across the seat with his head in Armin’s lap as they sped off to the Urgent Care center. 

“You idiot,” Armin mumbled, brushing his fingers through Jean’s hair, trying not to focus too much on the paleness of his skin or the irregularity in his breathing. They had gotten to him in time. He would be okay. He would be okay. At least an hour later, Jean had been admitted to the hospital and Armin found himself in the waiting room with Eren and Levi, more than a little unsure of how to proceed. 

“Are you okay Armin?” Eren finally asked. Armin didn’t know what to say to that. Jean would be okay now that they were giving him the proper care and fluids he needed, as well as keeping him warm, but that didn’t change the fact that tonight had been traumatizing. Traumatizing enough apparently that Armin was sure he’d seen more than one ghost wandering around the hospital halls. 

“I don’t….know. I was so scared Eren…I thought he was going to die,” he whispered. 

“Well that’s not going to happen, okay?” Armin nodded hesitantly and then glanced at Levi, who was sitting in a chair reading a magazine and looking completely unphased. 

“How did you know where to find me?” he asked Eren. 

“You left the address up on my phone. I called Levi right after you left,” Eren explained. Even after everything, Eren’s first thought was to help Armin. It was all he could do not to break out into fresh tears. 

“I’m sorry Eren. I’m sorry about everything. I was so, so wrong and if I’d known-”

“It’s fine Armin. I was a jerk. Even Levi says you were right. I knew it too…I just didn’t want to admit it.” Eren glanced over at Levi and dropped his voice. “I really like him…there’s something…I don’t know, I feel connected to him. And I was afraid that if he realized how dangerous it was, that would be it. So I didn’t want to hear it from you.” 

“Are you finished discussing me as though I’ve gone deaf?” Levi asked, his sharp eyes looking up from the magazine. 

Eren flushed more darkly than Armin had ever seen before and mumbled an apology. Armin had no clue how to react to that. It seemed so out of character for Eren, and yet…nothing felt _wrong_ about the situation, as if Eren were being coerced or bullied. Instead it seemed that he was just genuinely ashamed for it. 

“Um…thank you, by the way. I don’t know what we would have done if you hadn’t come,” he finally said. Levi’s eyes landed on him and he gave a nod in acknowledgement. 

“You’re welcome. Eren’s told me you’re intelligent, so I’m sure you would’ve figured something out, but I’m glad we were able to intervene,” he said. The deepness of his voice still seemed at odds with his small figure, but Armin supposed he could see the appeal. Just then a nurse came to shoo them out. 

“I’ve already told you he’s going to be fine. He can probably go home tomorrow, but you’ll be in no state to help him if you’re dead on your feet. Go home, the lot of you,” she said, firmly but not unkindly. 

To be fair, it was far from visiting hours and it wasn’t as if Jean’s condition were completely life-threatening. In the end Armin consented to be driven home, with the intention of coming back as soon as he could the next morning to visit or help Jean home if he was released. The blonde left Eren standing near the car saying his goodnights to Levi and trudged up the stairs to the dorm feeling exhausted. He was going to be sore tomorrow. Maybe he should go running more often… 

When he unlocked the door he half expected Marco to be there, to explain why he hadn’t been there, why, if he was so worried about Jean he hadn’t been able to help Armin find him. But there was nothing. Then again, Armin was so exhausted that he might not have noticed if Marco _had_ tried to appear. He was asleep almost the moment his head hit the pillow. Despite this, he got up the first time his alarm went off the next morning. He hadn’t gotten much sleep, but there were more pressing matters at the moment. 

He showered quickly mostly to help him wake up and then looked up the bus schedule before leaving, being careful not to wake Eren, but at least leaving him a note. He wasn’t sure if Jean was being discharged today but he wanted to be there if he was, or spend the day with him if he wasn’t. He felt bad for skipping his classes but….this was worth it, right? Even if Jean didn’t want to see him, maybe he’d still be able to explain. And…maybe Jean would want to see him. After all, who had he called last night? Jean had called him. So…that had to mean something. 

He got to the hospital and checked in and was directed up down a few hallways to Jean’s room. Here he hesitated outside the door. What if Jean wouldn’t listen and never wanted to see him again? That was ridiculous…that wouldn’t happen. It wouldn’t. Armin took a deep breath and stepped into the room. Jean was sitting up, watching TV but still dressed in the standard hospital gown. The blonde stepped forward, knocking on the wall as he neared Jean’s side of the room – the man who was obviously Jean’s roommate was sleeping, so he was careful not to knock too loudly. 

Jean looked over at him and Armin wasn’t sure how to decipher the look on his face. Eventually Jean looked away without saying anything. Armin walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge of it tentatively. 

“Um…how are you feeling?” he asked quietly. Jean wouldn’t look at him.

“Like shit. They’re keeping me until tomorrow for observation,” he said bitterly.

“Oh.” He didn’t know what else to say. There was so much that needed to be said, and neither of them seemed to have any idea where to start. 

“You came to get me,” Jean finally said. Armin looked at him, startled.

“I yelled at you and ditched you and you still came to find me. I could’ve…I might’ve…if you hadn’t….”Jean shook his head, apparently not willing or not able to finish. 

“Of course I came! I wasn’t going to…I couldn’t just leave you out there!” Armin said, shocked that Jean would even have thought him capable. 

“I just….I don’t understand. Why did you call me? I mean…you were so mad at me. Why not call someone else?” Jean gave a bitter laugh and looked at Armin for the first time since he got here.

“I don’t have anyone else.” Armin let that sink in for a moment, several things clicking into place. 

“….that’s why Marco was so worried about you,” he finally said. Jean groaned and ran a hand over his face. 

“Armin, please don’t start with that shit again. I can’t-” 

“No!” Armin said forcefully, surprising Jean. “I want to explain, and like it or not, you’re going to listen!” Jean stared at him for a moment and then leaned back against the pillows looking resigned. Armin took a deep breath.

“When I was a kid, my parents died. That’s when it started. I started seeing ghosts around. They didn’t hurt me and most of them didn’t talk to me, but…it made things difficult. That’s why I’ve only got Eren and Mikasa. They’re the only ones who didn’t think I was a freak and who I could trust with my secret. As I got older, it began to happen less and less. And then the first day here I saw you at the coffee shop. You were the reason I left, because I saw Marco behind you and it scared me. I didn’t want to start seeing things again, and he scared me. He looks…I can tell something bad happened to him, but he won’t tell me what. When I saw him again, in our biology class we find a way to talk,” Armin paused, pulling out the notebook he had used and giving it to Jean before going on. 

“He said he was worried about you. And…I understand why now. He was the one who told me where to find you and how to get you home. He was the one who urged me to spend more time with you so you wouldn’t go out drinking. I know it’s hard to believe, but…I wouldn’t lie to you about this. He asked me not to tell you about him, but I don’t want to hide it from you anymore Jean. Until yesterday, you were my friend, and I think you wanted to be more than that. I hope…I hope this hasn’t changed that,” he said, finally looking back up at Jean. What he saw surprised him. Jean’s eyes were red and, if Armin wasn’t mistaken, rather wet. He opened his mouth, closed it and then scrubbed at his eyes with his arm. 

 

“I didn’t…It was semester break last year. My car was in the shop so I asked Marco to come pick me up so we could hang out at his place, except he never made it. Another driver hit some black ice and couldn’t stop at the intersection. I don’t…I don’t know the exact details. I’m sure somebody told me, but it didn’t matter. Marco was dead. He…the funeral was closed casket. I couldn’t even see him before they buried him.”

The room was quiet except for Jean’s deliberate breathing, as if he were struggling to keep it under control. 

“I asked him to come get me Armin,” he choked out. “And I know it wasn’t my fault, I know that. And I know he wouldn’t want me thinking it was but I just kept thinking that if I just hadn’t…I’m so stupid.” Armin took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

“You’re not stupid Jean. It’s called survivors guilt. It’s really com-” Jean gave a bark of a laugh. 

“I know that Armin, that doesn’t make it any easier, okay?” 

“Right…sorry. Just…Marco doesn’t blame you. He just wants you to be happy,” he said. Jean looked at him.

“Is he…is he here?” he asked, sounding like a guilty child. Armin shifted a little in his seat and tucked his hair behind his ear. 

“No…I actually….I haven’t seen him lately. I don’t know there’s just…I think it’s me. I can’t…I’m sorry Jean,” he muttered. Jean wiped at his eyes once more. 

“That figures. I just wish I could tell him I’m sorry. I’ve been an idiot…I never thought…I just thought he was gone and now…What am I going to do Armin?” he asked, and he sounded so lost that it was all Armin could do not to put his arms around him and pull him close. He did his best to put a smile on. 

“You’re going to clean yourself up and go back to the dorm tomorrow and not skip all your classes this week. And then, maybe this weekend, we can go visit Marco. I know it’s personal to you but…maybe there I’ll be able to see him. I’ve read that spirits tend to be stronger when they have something personal to latch onto…” he said. Jean chuckled and this time, though it was soft, it didn’t sound bitter or strained. 

“You are such a dork,” he said, giving Armin’s hand a squeeze. Armin couldn’t help but smile and squeeze back.

Together they were going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE IT IS! THE ANSWER TO THE MYSTERY! Okay, so maybe it's not all that exciting, maybe it's a little cliche, but here it is. I should also say that I am terrible at sticking to length limitations, because while I had everything plotted out now I'm doubting myself a little bit...so the ending might change. If that happens, it might be longer than 12 chapters. I am no longer sure. Additionally, I've made it my new personal goal/policy to reply to anyone who takes the time to leave me a comment. As always, thanks for reading and I hope you've enjoyed the story thus far!


	12. Chapter 12

Armin was there when they let Jean out of the hospital the next morning and Jean looked at him with mild surprise. 

“Shouldn’t you be in class?” 

Armin flushed a little, and shrugged.

“I wanted to be here,” he said.

“Yeah, well thanks for that. But quit skipping your classes because of me. It makes me feel bad,” Jean admitted. Armin just smiled up at him. 

“Don’t worry, I emailed my professors. I told them I was having a family emergency,” he explained. Jean looked down at him, eyebrows raised. 

“You lied to your teachers?” he asked in mock horror. 

Armin nudged him with his elbow, surprised but grateful for this sudden easiness in Jean’s attitude. He just hoped it didn’t mean they were going to pretend like it hadn’t happened, but he was reluctant to bring it up again. 

“It wasn’t a complete lie. I mean…you’re not family, exactly, but you’re my….you’re an important person to me,” he said, just a little hesitantly. What was Jean to him at this point? Were they back to being just friends? Surely they were that at least. Yes, Armin was certain of it. 

“An important person, huh?” Jean mused. Armin didn’t know how to respond so he stayed quiet. After a time Jean sighed. 

“You know Armin…I still don’t understand why you hang around me so much. I’ve been a pretty big asshole, but here you are. And…what I said to you at the restaurant. Even if I didn’t believe you I shouldn’t have said those things,” he said, looking down at his feet as they walked. 

But Armin understood. He had stepped in it royally. He had brought up a topic that had cut Jean to his core. It made sense that Jean would retaliate with something he knew would hurt Armin. But even though his words were meant to hurt, Armin had been less hurt by being called desperate than by the idea that Jean thought he would stoop so low. 

“I just…couldn’t understand how you knew. I didn’t believe it. And the more I thought about it, the less I wanted to believe it, that he was here, that he hadn’t…that he hadn’t moved on because of me. I wasn’t going to believe it. I wasn’t going to be suckered into putting my faith in you. I mean…shit, it sounds pathetic, but I’d already had Marco taken from me once. How was it going to feel when I found out you were a fraud or something and that he wasn’t real,” Jean mumbled. 

“I didn’t want to think about it, or deal with it, so of course I went and I drank. And I drank and drank and drank and at the end of it all, when I was so drunk I couldn’t think straight or walk straight, I didn’t know what to do anymore and…well, you know the rest.” 

Armin was quiet for a moment, choosing his next words carefully. In the end, he chose not to speak. He reached out his hand to take Jean’s and, in a surprisingly bold move, pulled Jean against him and hugged him. 

“I’m glad you called me,” he mumbled into the fabric of Jean’s jacket. 

Jean hadn’t tensed up, but it was a few seconds before Armin felt Jean’s arms around him properly.

“Me too.”

And then Jean was hugging him tightly, squeezing him so hard it almost hurt. Armin didn’t say a word, just let Jean do it. It was clear that somehow, Jean needed this. Armin wasn’t sure how long they stood that way, how many people walked past them wondering what on earth they were doing, but when Jean finally released him, it was gradually; a slow loosening of his arms rather than letting go all at once. When he actually dropped his arms back to his sides, he cleared his throat and kicked a bit at something on the ground. At first Armin thought he was embarrassed. That had been something of a display, he supposed. But it turned out that wasn’t the case after all.

“Did you um…did you mean it when you said you’d go see Marco with me?” he asked.

Armin blinked up at him, confused by the question but Jean still would not meet his eyes. 

“I haven’t…I never…I haven’t gone to visit his….his grave since they buried him,” he finally managed. Armin felt a wave of sympathy for him. 

“Of course I meant it,” he said gently. Jean just nodded. 

“And you’ll tell me, right? If he comes back again?”

Armin hesitated just the slightest bit. Marco had never intended Jean to know about him. He didn’t like to think what might happen if Marco found out. Or more precisely, if he found out and was angry about it. Marco didn’t seem like the type to haunt Armin out of spite, but spirits worked in strange ways sometimes. 

“Yes, I will,” he finally said. Because Jean would need to know, and it was no longer Armin’s place to keep things from him. 

Jean just nodded, more to himself apparently and then looked around as if he had forgotten they were standing in the middle of the sidewalk on the way to the bus stop that would take them both back to campus. 

“Jean?” Armin finally asked. Jean gave him the smallest of smiles, but it was special somehow and Armin felt a tightness in his chest that made him want to hug Jean once more. 

“Guess we’d better head back, huh?” Jean asked. 

Armin could only nod, feeling overwhelmed at the sudden depth of emotion that had just swept over him. When Jean reached down and took his hand before beginning to walk once more, Armin thought for a brief moment that perhaps he ought to see a doctor if the sweet, nearly painful feeling in his heart continued. He settled for giving Jean’s hand a gentle squeeze and relishing in the brief tightening of his companion’s hand in response. It was a few days later, Friday to be exact – with both of them having agreed to go on the cemetery on Sunday due to Jean working on Saturday – when it happened.

Armin had spent the last two days primarily at Jean’s, going home long enough to get a change of clothes and various school items but spending his nights there. Their relationship hadn’t progressed much beyond a bit more cuddling – this time without any of the pretense – but Armin hadn’t expected it to. In fact, he might have even been a bit disturbed if it had. After all, they were still both getting over things, and Jean was still coming to terms with Armin’s ability and Marco’s not-quite-gone-ness. 

He asked Armin a question on occasion. Most of them were, surprisingly, unrelated to Marco. When did it start? Did it frighten him? What was it like growing up? Armin told him everything as honestly as he could, even when Jean asked about his parents. He hadn’t seen them die, but it was still traumatizing to a child when their parents walked out the front door and never walked back through it. In return, Armin began to ask Jean questions as well. What did he dream about doing after college? What was the best way to cheer him up? They got to know each other, really know each other in those few days, and Armin was glad for that. It seems like things were finally getting to some sort of normalcy. Which was why it was such a shock when, three days after the danger had passed, Marco appeared suddenly in Jean’s room looking frantic. 

“Where is he? Is he alright? I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! I couldn’t get here and-” Armin, getting over his initial shock, stood up. 

“Marco, Marco, calm down. He’s fine. He’s in the shower down the hall,” he said, trying to calm the spirit down. Marco ceased speaking almost immediately and the remaining half of his face fell into an expression nearly bursting with relief. 

“I thought…The last thing I saw was him falling over on that street corner and then I couldn’t see anything after that,” he said. Armin frowned.

“What do you mean?” he asked. 

“I don’t know…it started a few weeks ago. It’s…harder for me to appear now. Even to you,” he said. As if someone or something was trying to further prove his point, Marco’s shape flickered for a moment, as if he would disappear. 

“So that’s why I haven’t been seeing you as much,” Armin supplied. Marco nodded. 

“I don’t know why though…and the fact that I couldn’t be there when you both needed me…I don’t know what’s happening.” He said, and he sounded frightened. Armin’s expression softened as he realized something. 

“I think it’s because you don’t have anything to hold on to,” he said.

Marco stared at him. 

“A lot of the ghosts I meet…they’re angry, or they don’t realized they’re dead. In either case, they have something to keep them anchored here. Be honest Marco, if you weren’t worried about Jean, would you have stayed or passed on?” Armin asked. Marco seemed to consider this for a moment. 

“I…I would’ve gone on,” he said, sounding resigned.

“I’m not going to lie and say I understand how haunting works but…I think you need something stronger than your worry to stay here.” 

Marco frowned but didn’t argue. How could he? Armin may have been speculating, but it made sense. 

“I’m sorry I told him about you. But I had to,” Armin finally said, breaking the silence. Marco looked up at him and there was a flicker of betrayal in his eyes, but he didn’t immediately protest. “I know it was selfish, but our relationship wasn’t going to go anywhere if he didn’t know. He wouldn’t open up to me and I couldn’t keep this secret from him forever,” Armin explained, trying not to sound too defensive. 

“I know,” Marco sighed. “I just…didn’t want him to know about this. I was worried it would make him feel even more guilty,” he said. Armin shifted a little. 

“It did…at first I think. But I think in some ways he was relieved too, to know that you weren’t actually gone. I think the worst part for him is that he felt he never got to say he was sorry or say good-bye. He told me the funeral was closed casket.” Marco gave something of a smile, but it was more sad than anything else. 

“I’m sure you can see why,” he said. Armin only nodded, not sure what else to say to that. Marco flickered again and when his image resolidified, his face looked strained. “I’m sorry…this is…difficult for me,” he muttered.

“I know. Jean and I are going to the cemetery this weekend. On Sunday. I think…you’ll be stronger there,” Armin explained. Marco nodded.

“I’ll be there then,” he said. 

“Thank you Marco,” he said, knowing how much it would mean to Jean. And then suddenly he realized how much it would mean to him, how much it _did_ mean to him. “And thank you for pushing me towards him. I know it was for his sake, but…I’m happier with him than I have been in a long time. I’m sorry for re-” 

“I don’t think you’re replacing me Armin. I never have. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I can’t be there for Jean anymore. I’m glad that you can. He needs someone like you. And you need him,” Marco said. Armin felt a sudden, overwhelming sense of relief and he wished with all his heart that he could hug Marco, or do something to truly express how he felt. 

“Yes,” was all he could manage. Marco flickered again, and this time, when he came back it was only as a shadow. “Sunday!” he said. “At one o’clock!”

He could only hope that Marco would be able to muster enough energy for it. 

With Marco gone, Armin sat on the bed and realized suddenly that he was shaking, though he didn’t know why. Not more than five minutes later, Jean returned with wet hair and his dirty clothes and damp towel in his hands. He stopped when he saw Armin. 

“Hey, hey, what is it? You look like you’ve seen a-” Jean froze, realization lighting up his face. “He was here?” he asked, his voice coming out just a little strained. 

Armin nodded silently. 

“Was he…what did he say?” he asked, going over and kneeling in front of Armin, looking up at him. 

“He’s….sorry that he couldn’t be here. We think…well, _I_ think anyways, and Marco seemed to agree that he’s having a harder time appearing lately because there’s not enough to hold him here,” Armin explained. Jean appeared to consider this.

“You mean the way some ghosts haunt because they’re angry, right?” he asked. Armin nodded. 

“Or because they don’t know their dead. I’m not…I mean, you know I’m not an expert. I think maybe after all this, I’d like to know a little bit more though. I’m not…as frightened by it all, as I used to be, I think,” he said. Jean smiled at him. 

“That and you just like to read,” he said and then finally stood up, pressing a kiss to the top of Armin’s head as he did, something he had done more than once in the last few days. Armin enjoyed it rather a lot, even if he rolled his eyes at Jean. 

“I told him where we’d be on Sunday. He wants to be there,” he told Jean as the other got dressed. 

“I’d like that,” Jean said, and there was a sort of practiced nonchalance to his voice that told Armin how much he hoped for it. 

Armin found himself hoping for it to. He wanted Jean to have a chance to say what he felt he needed to, and not just say it to Armin and have him relay it to Marco. He knew how important this was, not just for Jean, but for the two of them. 

“What are you staring at me like that for?” Jean asked. Armin felt his cheeks heat up but smiled and shook his head. 

“Nothing, nothing. I was just thinking, that’s all,” he said. Jean eyed him with mock suspicion and Armin just continued to smile, patting the spot on the bed beside him. 

“Fine, but I’m onto you. I know you’re scheming something,” Jean retorted as he sat down beside him. Armin silently leaned against him and went back to reading his book. 

When Sunday came, Jean was anxious and restless. Armin tried once to calm him down but quickly realized his attempts were futile and instead simply let Jean fret, knowing that it would – hopefully – be over soon. It was an hour and a half drive to Jean’s hometown where Marco was buried and they took Jean’s car which, admittedly, Armin had forgotten about until he asked Jean how they’d be getting there. Jean had only mentioned it once before, saying that he had it for when he wanted to go home, but for the most part it was too much trouble to drive it around campus or the neighboring areas. 

The drive was a bit tense, but Armin had expected that. Jean fiddled with the radio and turned it up just enough to indicate that he didn’t really want to talk. Armin reached out and put his hand on Jean’s, who gave it a squeeze before returning his hand to the steering wheel. When they finally got there, Jean didn’t get out of the car right away. He just sat there, staring out the front window at the gates ahead. 

“I don’t know if I can do this,” he finally whispered. 

“Yes you can Jean. It’s time for both of you to let go,” Armin said softly. Jean looked at him, and for a moment Armin thought he might yell. And then Jean sighed. 

“You’re right. Let’s go,” he said. Armin followed him into the cemetery and down a few rows before making a left and walking a few yards down before stopping in front of a headstone.  


In Loving Memory of  
Marco Bodt  
June 16, 1994 – December 19, 2013  
A Loving Son and Loyal Friend 

It looked well cared for; there weren’t any weeds growing around it anyways, and the grass was trimmed. There was a bunch of mostly dead flowers laying in front of it, which Jean picked up and replaced with the ones he had purchased at a florist down the road – a beautiful fall arrangement full of golds and oranges and reds. Jean checked his phone for the time and looked at Armin. 

“It’s…after one. Is he here?” he asked. 

Armin peered around, wondering if perhaps Marco was only there in shadow form, but he didn’t see anything. Silently he shook his head. Jean looked crushed and Armin wished there was something he could do. And then he saw a flicker of a shadow, and suddenly Marco appeared, standing to the left of the marker. 

“Jean, wait. He’s…here. He’s to the left of the stone. I um…” he hesitated. Surely this was a private moment and Jean would want to be alone. But if Armin left, there would be no way for Marco to communicate with him.

“No, you’re staying,” Jean said firmly, as if he could read Armin’s thoughts. Armin nodded and Jean shifted a little bit. 

“H-hi, Marco. I know…I can’t see you but, Armin says you’re here and I’m going to take his word for it. I um…” Jean seemed to freeze up for a second, and the graveyard was silent. Then Jean was speaking and it seemed like he couldn’t stop himself. “I’m sorry Marco. I’m sorry I let you down. I know you always believed in me and thought I was meant for something, and here I’ve been being an idiot and being a jerk, making you worry. I never thought you’d stay here because of that, and even though it makes me feel like shit that you did I’m…glad.

You always looked out for me, always knew how to cheer me up and make me believe that I was a good person, and even though you’re gone you’re still doing that. You sent Armin to me, because you knew he could help and just…I don’t deserve you Marco. I never did, not when we were friends, not when we were dating. But you’re here, so that’s got to mean something. And from now on, I’m going to do my best to live up to what you’ve always expected from me. I can’t…be selfish anymore the way I was. I know that. I’m going to make you proud of me Marco, I really am!” 

His voice broke and Armin just wanted to hug him, but somehow he knew that that should wait. He glanced at Marco and had no doubt that if he could, he’d be crying. And yet, it didn’t seem to be just from sadness. There was a pride there in his face that Armin could see despite the damage to his features. 

“Tell him I am proud,” he croaked. “Because he figured it out. And tell him I’m sorry I left him, but I’m glad he has you. And make sure he knows that I don’t feel replaced. And Armin….I’m sorry, but please tell him I love him. I only got the chance once and I-” 

“It’s alright Marco, I’ll tell him,” Armin said kindly, turning to Jean who was watching him closely, looking from where Armin had been looking and back. Armin took a deep breath. 

“He says that he _is_ proud of you, because you figured all that out. And he says that he’s sorry he left you the way he did but that…that he’s glad I’m here. And he wants me to tell you that he loves you, and that he doesn’t feel like you’re trying to replace him.” It was clear that Jean was barely keeping it together. Armin could see the wetness in his eyes, the way they shined in the dim fall light. 

“I love you too Marco. I always will,” he said, his voice quavering. “Now, I want you to go, okay? I want you to move on and go somewhere better than this. Don’t worry about me, because I know I’ve probably got my head up my ass about some things, but I’m gonna figure it all out. And you deserve better.” He tried to sound forceful, and very nearly pulled it off. Marco moved from where he was standing, closer to Jean, looking unsure. 

“Do you think…you said I might be stronger here. Do you think he might feel it?” he asked Armin. Armin shrugged. He had felt Marco in a lecture hall once. Surely here where his body was at rest, Jean might be able to as well. 

“I’m not sure, but he might. Try it.” Marco reached out, his fingers brushing along Jean’s jaw. 

The brunette started, eyes going wide as he stared at Armin, who simply nodded. Jean looked back to where he imagined Marco might be, closing his eyes. 

“It feels….cold, but I know it’s him,” he muttered.

It was strange for Armin to watch, and yet he didn’t feel jealous. He was glad even. He hadn’t realized how much Marco had needed this as well. How long had he followed Jean around, watching and worrying but never being able to help or let him know that he was there? No, Armin was glad for it, even when Marco leaned forward and, turning his head so that it would be with his good side, pressed a kiss to Jean’s lips. Jean gave a quiet sigh at this and his eyes opened.

“I guess that was good-bye, huh?” he said. Marco pulled away and looked back at Armin. 

“Thank you Armin, for everything. Take care of him, okay?” he requested. Armin gave a smile, realizing with a start that this was the last he would ever see of Marco. 

“I will,” he promised. “You take care of yourself too, okay?” 

Marco nodded and stepped so he was standing over his own grave. Armin could only imagine how strange that must feel. He looked at Jean and then back at Armin and gave him one last smile, and then he was gone. 

“He’s gone, isn’t he?” Jean asked, surprising him. “I could feel it, when he left. Somehow…I think I could feel him, that whole time, and I just…didn’t know what it was,” he explained.

Armin reached out and took his hand. 

“He was happy you know. Relieved,” he said. Jean gave something like a laugh.

“I can only imagine. He followed me around for almost a year waiting for me to wise up,” he said, shaking his head. 

They walked hand in hand back to the car and there was something about Jean that seemed…different, but Armin couldn’t put his finger on it. When they got to the car, Jean followed Armin around to the passenger side, blocking the door. 

“I just wanted to thank you too, you know,” he said, hands in his pockets. Armin gave him an easy smile. “I knew it meant a lot to you and I wanted to-” And then Jean was kissing him, gently and slowly and Armin could feel every ounce of gratitude and emotion that Jean seemed unable to convey with words alone. 

“Thank you Armin,” he murmured as he pulled away. Armin stared at him, dazed. 

“You’re welcome,” he mumbled. 

Jean smiled, and Armin was sure he wasn’t imagining that hint of smugness behind the expression as the brunette opened the door for him. Armin didn’t think his reaction could be helped though. He hadn’t been expecting that particular gesture, and it had been so different from the kiss they had shared while he was drunk. He sat in the passenger seat, watching Jean walk around to the other side of the car and sliding into the driver’s seat. He seemed to be considering something. 

“How do you feel about meeting my parents?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I would like to apologize for missing last week's update deadline. I didn't realize how hectic this semester was going to be and well, let's just say it's crazy. Given that, I may or may not have next chapter up by next Sunday (the 21st), but it will definitely be the Sunday after (the 28th). And speaking of next chapter, I am 100% positive this time, that it will be THE LAST CHAPTER. So there you have it. A 13 chapter fic, plus the promised bonus chapter at the end. Hopefully that's all around satisfying for everyone. Thanks again for sticking with me and the story and I hope you've enjoyed it so far!


	13. Chapter 13

Armin stared at him, gaping, no doubt, like a fish out of water. 

“Oh come on it wouldn’t be so bad,” Jean said, starting the car. 

“But Jean, I’m not…I’m wearing jeans!” was all he could think of to say. At this Jean burst out laughing, which despite being a normally welcome sound, only made Armin more flustered? 

“Jean I’m serious! I can’t meet your parents looking like this!” 

“Why not? You look fine,” Jean said.

“What am I going to say to them? How are you even going to introduce me?!” Jean glanced at him before taking a right turn. 

“Well I could always introduce you as my boyfriend,” he said, checking the other roads at the intersection and looking anywhere but at Armin, who had gone absolutely still and silent in his seat. He was joking. He had to be joking. There was no way Jean would or could ever introduce Armin to his parents as a boyfriend. The idea of it was just so…so outlandish! Marco was barely gone and and- 

“Armin, you still with me?” Armin felt Jean’s hand on his leg and shook his head to clear his thoughts. 

“Yeah…I’m…sorry. That just…caught me off guard,” he said. Jean raised an eyebrow.

“I could tell. You look like I socked you in the jaw or something,” he replied and then cleared his throat, looking a little uncomfortable. 

“You know, if uh, if you’re not comfortable with that, I get it. I just thought, you know, the way things were going that-” 

“No! No, Jean, it’s not like that!” Armin said, waving his hands in front of him. 

“I just…Marco is only just gone and it feels like…I don’t know, we’d be rushing things?” Jean looked at him with a look that held both skepticism and understanding.

“Well…we’ve been all but dating for the last few weeks. I guess I didn’t think putting a label on it would be such a big step,” he explained. 

Armin considered this, and he knew Jean wasn’t wrong. They had been together almost constantly, shared a bed, done some cuddling, even shared a kiss. That was basically dating, right? It was obviously more than just being friends. Honestly, what had he thought was going to happen at the end of all of this? Didn’t he want Jean to be his boyfriend? Of course he did, he knew that. So why was he so hesitant now that the opportunity was presenting itself? Perhaps he thought Jean was too emotional right now to know what he was doing. If Jean latched onto Armin now, in the face of Marco’s final departure, wasn’t it possible that after he got over it, he’d get over Armin as well?

It seemed like an awfully unfair thing to think, and yet he couldn’t seem to get it out of his head. All of this, everything between them had started with Marco, and the progress in their relationship over the last few days had also – in some ways at least – been because of Marco. Sure, it was possible Jean _thought_ he cared about Armin, but maybe subconsciously he – Armin wanted to smack himself. 

He was being ridiculous, and unfair. Jean wouldn’t do that to him.

“I guess you’re right,” he finally said.

“I’d ask what you were thinking, but something tells me I don’t want to know,” Jean said sounding more teasing than serious. 

“No, porbably not,” Armin agreed, sounding somewhat miserable. Jean rubbed a hand over his face. 

“I’m serious Armin. It’s just a label and if you’re not comfortable with it then-” 

“It’s just that I’ve wanted to date you for a while, and now suddenly you’re suggesting it but it’s right after Marco is gone and I just feel like this is all happening very fast,” Armin said in a rush. To his credit, Jean didn’t laugh. He merely pointed out the same thing he had just moments ago. 

“Armin, where did you think all this was going when I started letting you stay the night at my place and sleep in my bed?” he asked. Armin sighed and looked out the window. 

“I don’t know,” he mumbled and the car fell silent. Armin hated himself for making this so awkward. Why hadn’t he just been able to say yes? 

“Armin, you know this has nothing to do with Marco, right?” Jean finally asked. Armin looked over at him, surprised. 

 

“I mean, I know how you overthink things. Marco made it clear to both of us that he didn’t feel like we were trying to replace him. Now I want to make it clear to you. You are not a replacement for Marco, and I’m never going to compare the two of you, or I’m going to try anyways. You know how I feel about him, and that might never change. But I care about you, and not because I can’t have him. He might’ve been the one who pushed us together but _you_ are the reason I hang out with you,” he said, his face very red as he concentrated on the road. 

Armin had no doubt he could’ve looked away for a moment if he wanted to, but the blond was glad he didn’t. It was apparent that being so blunt about his feelings did not come easily to Jean and Armin wasn’t sure he could handle it if Jean were looking straight at him. 

“I like your sense of humor and the way you don’t give up when you really set your mind to something and I think it’s adorable how you get all giddy and excited when you start talking about the ocean and shit and, okay, seriously stop looking at me like that, I know I’m being a sap but-” 

“No, sorry. It’s just that…” _no one has ever said that sort of thing to me before_. The unspoken words seemed to linger in the air. 

“Well hell, if that’s the issue I’ll say it more. You know I can,” Jean said. Armin wished they weren’t driving. He couldn’t understand how it had come to this, when Jean had gotten to know him so well as to be able to alleviate fears he hadn’t even spoken out loud.

“I know. I’m….” he paused, on the verge of apologizing again and then he remembered all the times anyone had ever told him not to be so hard on himself. It sounded so simple and yet he couldn’t seem to escape the feeling that he owed Jean this apology, even though he wasn’t sure what he had done wrong. Somehow Jean seemed to know not to push him. Or perhaps he was just trying to remember his way through town. Either way, Jean didn’t say anything and it was Armin who spoke again next. 

“I think I would like it very much if you introduced me as your boyfriend,” he finally said, looking down at his hands because he wasn’t sure where else to look. He wished he could’ve said it with more confidence. 

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jean’s grin and he had to admit, that made him feel considerably better. When they pulled into a driveway and Armin looked up at the house he couldn’t help but stare. It wasn’t exactly a _mansion_ but for someone who had grown up in an apartment building and on a relatively low income, it very nearly seemed like one. 

Armin guessed he should’ve seen it coming; the way Jean’s parents paid for him to have a single, how he had his own car, the family trips he had mentioned here and there. But…Jean worked. And he had never been the type to just throw money around. Suddenly Armin was extremely grateful and felt a surge of affection towards Jean. All the times they had discussed their situations growing up and Jean had never once commented on Armin not having a lot of money or made really any mention that his family had quite a lot of it. 

“It’s Sunday, so they should both be home. I probably should’ve let them know we were coming, but I’m sure they’ll be happy to see me,” Jean said, turning the engine off and unbuckling. Armin did the same and got out of the car, but hesitated after closing the door rather than following Jean up to the door. When Jean realized Armin hadn’t followed him he sighed and turned back. 

“Come on, they’re just my parents, they won’t bite,” he said, taking Armin’s hand. If Armin didn’t know better he’d have thought Jean was annoyed with him, but the reassuring squeeze Jean gave his fingers soothed away any lingering fear as they walked up to the door. 

Jean pulled out a key out of his pocket and unlocked the door, pushing it open and pulling Armin inside. The house was very clean, but not in a clinical sort of way that made Armin afraid to touch anything, but a way that said ‘yes, my home is lived in but I like to keep it presentable’. It felt homey, a result of the warm, rich colors combined with the modern décor. Armin liked it. 

“Maman, je suis à la maison!” Jean called as he kicked off his shoes. Armin stared at him. Jean glanced at him, going very pink in the face. 

“What? Stop looking at me like that! I know I mentioned this to you at least once,” he snapped.

And perhaps he had, but Armin could hardly recall. And if he could, he certainly would never have made a connection between the idea that Jean spoke French and the beautiful, somehow sensuous way the words sounded as they spilled past his lips. Sure, Armin knew French was one of the romance languages, but he had never really understood its allure until that particular moment. A slender woman perhaps a head or so shorter than Jean came whipping around a corner, her dark hair clipped up at the back of her head and a brilliant smile on her face. 

“Ah! Mon petit! Bienvenue à la maison!” she said, hugging him and giving him a kiss on both cheeks. When she pulled away she looked at Armin curiously. 

“Et qui est-ce?” she asked. 

“Ah…c'est mon copain, Armin,” he said, sounding somewhat sheepish. Her eyes widened and she looked up at him. 

“Ton copain? Vraiment?” 

“Oui,” he confirmed. 

Armin, of course, understood nothing of the exchange except the ‘oui’ and his own name, but he was quite sure that he had just been – as they had discussed – introduced as Jean’s boyfriend. He couldn’t quite decipher all the emotions on Jean’s mother’s face, but was clear that this was a surprise. Armin just hoped it wasn’t a mistake. 

“Hello, my name is Renee, it’s nice to meet you, Armin, was it?” she said pleasantly. She had a mild French accent that Armin found lovely. 

“Uh, y-yes ma’am, it’s nice to meet you,” he said, taking her proffered hand and shaking it gently. 

“You have a very nice home.” 

Renee smiled at him. 

“Thank you. You are a very polite young man. Now, come in both of you, I was just about to start dinner,” she said, ushering the two of them further into the house, through the living room and into the kitchen. Jean slid onto one of the stools near the counter and reached for an apple sitting in a bowl in the middle of it. Renee swatted his hand. 

“Ah! Je ne dis pas à toi que j'allais faire le dîner? Tu vas gâcher ton appétit!” Jean rolled his eyes but dropped the fruit back onto the pile. 

“Où est papa?” he asked instead. 

“Il a dit qu'il devait courir au magasin pour quelque chose,” she replied. Jean glanced at Armin and seemed to realize, for the first time, that Armin had no idea what was going on. 

“Shit, I’m sorry Armin. I was just asking where my dad was,” he explained, going red in the face. “It’s alright. I…really like listening to you speak French,” Armin admitted. Jean’s face turned an even darker shade of scarlet and he shifted in his seat, clearing his throat. 

“A-anyways. Do you need any help mom? Otherwise I’m going to show Armin around,” he said. Renee smiled in a way that seemed all too knowing for Armin’s tastes. 

“No, it’s fine, go show him the house. I’ll call you when dinner is ready,” she said. Jean hopped off the stool and Armin followed suit, tailing Jean out of the kitchen and back to the foyer. 

“So you saw the kitchen and dining room, the living room is over there. We don’t use it much…the family room is in the basement, but my room is upstairs,” he said as he led Armin up the carpeted stairs. 

“So, you like hearing me speak French, huh?” he asked. This time Armin was the one blushing. 

“Well yes. It was very…um…very-” 

“Sexy. The word you’re looking for is sexy,” Jean interrupted. Armin looked up and met Jean’s eyes, feeling surprisingly unembarrassed. 

“Yes. Listening to you speak French is very sexy,” he agreed.

Armin could tell that this sudden boldness was not what Jean had been expecting, but if the way he stared at Armin, opened his mouth, closed it, swallowed hard and then turned and continued up the stairs was any indication, he certainly wasn’t bothered by it either. Jean’s room, as it happened, was the last on the right side of the hallway. He wasn’t sure how he expected it to look, but it didn’t particularly matter either, because he had barely set foot inside before he felt Jean’s hands on him pulling him closer and then Jean’s lips on his own. Somehow it seemed that each time Jean kissed him it got better. 

When Jean caught Armin’s lower lip between his teeth and gave it a playful nip Armin gasped, his hands clenching around the fabric of Jean’s t-shirt, trying to pull him closer. He felt Jean’s fingers in his hair, tugging just a little, just the right way. His lips parted and he felt Jean’s tongue slip between them, felt it sliding over his own. 

When they broke apart he was gasping for breath, staring up at Jean with half-lidded eyes. It wasn’t like Armin had never been turned on before, but somehow it was so much different when the object of his desires was staring back at him with a look that screamed need. 

“Jean…I….we….can’t…not…not here,” he gasped. But Jean’s hands were on him again and he was giving Armin quick kisses on his forehead, his cheeks, his lips. When he felt Jean give his rear a decent squeeze he gave a surprised little yelp. Jean pulled away almost immediately, holding his hands up. 

“Sorry,” he muttered.

“It’s okay. I just wasn’t expecting it,” Armin said and then looked away and sighed. 

“I’m sorry. I think I kind of killed the mood,” he mumbled. Jean tipped his head up and gave him a much sweeter kiss.

“Nah, because when we finally get around to that I don’t want it to be in my old bedroom in my parents’ house, being worried about every little sound we make,” Jean said. 

Armin nodded, feeling relieved but now anxious to get back to campus. He wondered if he should tell Jean that he’d never actually slept with anybody. Sure, he’d masturbated and okay, maybe he’d found some porn once or twice, but that was nowhere near the same thing. 

“Quit worrying, I’m going to take care of you,” Jean said, ruffling his hair in a comforting and familiar gesture. Armin looked up at him.

“How do you always know when I’m worrying about something?” he asked. How was it that Jean almost always knew when to bring him out of his thoughts and back to reality? Jean gave a sort of shrug. 

“You always go really quiet and you get this sort of crease between your eyebrows, like you do when you think really hard about something, and I don’t know. I can just tell,” he said. 

Armin hoped that someday he would learn to trust Jean enough to stop being amazed at all the little things he noticed. He also hoped that someday he could be as perceptive towards Jean. Maybe if he ever stopped being so wrapped up in his own worries… He looked around to distract himself from not knowing what to say and his eyes landed on a photo on Jean’s desk. He walked over to pick it up, and for the first time he saw Marco as he had been in life. The two of them smiled up at him, dressed in their graduation gowns, arms over each other’s shoulders. Jean looked happy. When Armin set the photo down and turned back to hi, Jean was looking at him, and there was a sort of tenderness in his eyes that was reminiscent of that in the photo he had just been looking at. 

“What?” he asked, perhaps a touch more defensively than he needed to. 

Jean just shook his head and then took him back down the stairs and around the corner to the basement, which was, as Jean had mentioned earlier, their family room. There was a large entertainment center and an air hockey table on one side, with the other side being mostly empty except for a counter space that ran along part of the wall, probably for when they had large groups over. 

“So did you throw a lot of crazy parties in high school?” Armin asked. Jean scoffed. 

“Right. Have you met my mother? She doesn’t like messes, and she’s fucking scary when she’s angry. I wouldn’t have dared,” he said. Armin laughed, trying to picture a teenage Jean being reprimanded. With Jean’s headstrong personality, it was hard to imagine. 

They watched a movie while dinner was being finished, and Jean’s father was back when they were called upstairs. He seemed pleasant, and though he was not as prone to conversation as Jean’s mother, whenever he did speak he was very frank. It was hard to tell which one of them Jean was more like. 

After dinner, Armin and Jean helped clear the table and Jean stayed at the table to talk to his father who wanted to know about school and how he was coping. Since he didn’t have anything else to do, Armin volunteered to help with the dishes. 

“So, you met Jean at the beginning of the year then, yes?” Renee asked, scooping some of the leftovers into a container. Armin nodded. 

“Yes. Um. It was by accident, honestly,” he said. “Oh I am sure. And has he told you about Marco?” she said, giving a sigh when Armin nodded. 

“After he died Jean…his father and I were very worried about him. We still are. You know, him showing up today was the first time he’d contacted us at all since we let him go back,” she explained. Armin frowned. Jean had mentioned his family as much as it was normal for a maturing college student to, and there hadn’t been any sort of animosity today. 

“I think being here reminds him too much. I was expecting the same to be true at school, but there is something different about him now, since he met you. I can’t remember the last time I saw him so happy.” Armin couldn’t think of anything to say to that so he just continued rinsing the plate in his hands. He stopped when he felt Renee’s hand on his shoulder. 

“I hope that while he is with you, we will continue to see more of him. You are a good influence, I think,” she said.

“Th-thank you. I’m trying. I…want to see him happy too.” Later, as they were getting in the car, Armin leaned over and gave Jean a quick peck on the lips. 

“Thank you for introducing me to them,” he said. He had been nervous, but he was glad that he had gotten to meet Jean’s parents, and glad that they seemed to accept it.

“Eh, don’t mention it. You’ll have to introduce me to your grandpa sometime though,” Jean said. Armin nodded. 

“Yeah, maybe over the holidays,” he agreed. 

The car fell silent and Armin could feel a sort of tension creeping into the air. Perhaps tension was the wrong word though, because it seemed more like…anticipation. Armin could tell that Jean felt it to. Every once in a while Jean would reach over and put his hand on Armin’s leg, rubbing his thigh gently. Armin remembered every instance of that sort of gesture in every book he had read, and yet contrary to those situations, Armin felt no desire to slap Jeans hand away. Instead he wanted to pull Jean closer, he wanted Jean’s hands in other places… 

Armin flushed and looked away, shifting in his seat to try and hide the product of that line of thought. Jean gave a darkly mischevious sounding chuckle and retracted his hand. The drive seemed torturously slow, and it gave Armin plenty of time to fret about what was he was sure was an upcoming sexual encounter. But when they ~~finally~~ made it back to Jean’s room and he felt the brunette’s hands threading through his hair as they kissed, those fears seemed to evaporate. He was nervous, of course, but he wasn’t afraid that at the end of it all Jean would run screaming. In fact, if the way Jean was looking at him was any indication, _he_ would be the one screaming… 

Later, when they were lying in bed and Jean had dozed off, Armin shifted to prop himself up on his elbow so he could look down at his boyfriend. The idea of that would take him a few days to adjust to, and every once in a while he would pause in the middle of whatever he was doing and a grin would spread over his face at the thought. Slowly he’d stop stumbling over the word when he introduced Jean to others, and eventually he’d slip into the kind of comfort that would allow for pet names and showers together and jokes about sex. Someday they’d have their first fight and feelings would be hurt on both sides and one of them would have to swallow their pride and apologize or admit they were wrong and they would make up and move on. A few years from now they’d talk about moving in together and argue over square plates or round, a puppy or an older dog, Christmas with Jean’s family or Grandpa. But for now, Armin wasn’t thinking about any of those things. 

He was content to sit there and brush his fingers along Jean’s jaw, over the arch of an eyebrow, down his nose, across his soft lips. Jean stirred a bit under his touch and cracked an eye open. Armin blushed and dropped his hand but Jean shook his head. 

“No, you can keep going, it felt good,” he said. Armin nodded and resumed his previous activity, watching as Jean’s eyes fluttered closed once more. 

“What are you thinking?” Jean asked. 

“Nothing, actually. I’m just…happy,” Armin said. Jean smiled beneath his fingers. 

“Good,” he said before pulling Armin down against him. 

Armin nuzzled in closer and closed his eyes, eventually falling asleep to Jean’s arms around him and the feeling of what he now knew was gentle kisses to the top of his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo!!! Here it is, the final chapter! I hope you've all enjoyed the story and I really appreciate you sticking with it until the end. Sorry not sorry to anyone who's disappointed by the lack of an explicit sex scene, but I felt that the story really didn't need it. I'll try and get the bonus chapter up within the next few days or maybe even later today and I'm entertaining the idea of a series of one shots in this universe while I'm figuring out what I want to write next, so just because there wasn't any sex here doesn't necessarily mean there won't be, ever. I might even take prompts if there's anything specific you gusy would like to see! Thanks again for reading!
> 
>  
> 
> EDIT: I realized I forgot the translations when I posted this. They're probably not necessary, but if you want them, here they are (and the French has been updated to more grammatically correct forms thanks to another reader)
> 
> Maman, je suis à la maison!
>     Mom, I'm home!
> Ah! Mon petit! Bienvenue à la maison!
>     Ah! My little boy! Welcome home!
> Et qui est-ce?
>     And who is this?
> Ah…c'est mon copain, Armin
>     Ah...this is my boyfriend, Armin
> Ton copain? Vraiment?
>     Your boyfriend? Really?
> Ah! Je ne dis pas à toi que j'allais faire le dîner? Tu vas gâcher ton appétit!
>     Didn't I just say I was making dinner? You'll ruin your appetite!
> Où est papa?
>     Where's dad?
> Il a dit qu'il devait courir au magasin pour quelque chose
>     He said he had to run to the store for something


	14. Bonus Chapter

It’s not like Jean was clairvoyant, but honestly he would’ve expected those morons who kept predicting the end of the world every other year to be right about it before Armin Arlert asked to go to a party. Not that he thought, as Eren apparently did, that Armin didn’t know how to have fun. It was just that…well, look at him for shit’s sake! If there was anyone who ever existed who was bound to feel out of place at a party, it was him. All their time together and Armin had never shown any inkling of inclination towards going out. Not that Jean had particularly minded. It had been a distraction from…other things, and a good one at that, if not entirely welcome at first. 

But now Armin had asked him, no, practically coerced Jean into taking him to one, and of course what choice did Jean have but to agree? He wasn’t entirely sure that Armin would try to go on his own, but he didn’t want to wrongly assume the blond had been lying when he said it. After all, there had been a look in his eyes that Jean was coming to know well; that stubborn determination that meant he’d see something through no matter what. 

Still, Jean wasn’t stupid, and he was also quite sure that this had ~~everything~~ something to do with Armin and Eren’s argument. As much as he hoped Armin wasn’t going just because he thought he had something to prove, he was pretty sure that was the case. Still, it wasn’t his business. At least not in the sense that it was his job to talk Armin out of it, since it would be rather difficult to imply with as close as they’d become that Armin’s personal life wasn’t his business. 

When he was being entirely truthful with himself, he could admit that perhaps yes, he had what most people would call a crush on Armin. The thought should have made him feel guilty, sick to his stomach even, the way it had anytime someone had suggested they go on a date over the last nine months. But it didn’t. The idea of being with Armin actually felt….okay. Hell, maybe it even felt right. He didn’t know. All he knew for sure was that in a little over an hour’s time he’d be picking Armin up from his dorm and they’d be going a few blocks off campus to a house party. And that was all he needed to know for the time being.

He tried not to let his thoughts stray too much as he showered and got ready – especially towards the fact that there was sure to be a large supply of alcohol there. He was _not_ an alcoholic, dammit! He hit a few rough patches, so what? Everyone did. He tried to ignore the fact that his throat suddenly felt very dry and that a glass of water didn’t help. He was fine. 

He left for Armin’s early, before he could get too lost in his head. He was sure Armin would be ready anyways – Armin was always on time. It was one of the things Jeans liked about him so much; it meant he could count on him. 

When he got to Armin’s dorm and knocked, Armin opened the door almost immediately. Jean could tell he’d been waiting and he looked rather relieved that Jean was there. 

“H-hey,” Armin greeted, sounding strangely breathless. He didn’t open the door very wide, but over his blond head Jean could see Eren turn in his seat. He looked pissed. 

“Hey, you ready to go?” Armin nodded and said he needed to grab his sweater first. Jean took the opportunity to meet Eren’s angry gaze and wink at him as Armin slipped out the door. He saw Eren get up quickly and wondered for a brief second whether he’d chase after them. He didn’t. Jean supposed he shouldn’t antagonize him like that…he was probably just trying to look out for Armin in his own way. But maybe that was why Jean disliked him so much. It wasn’t like Armin needed protecting from _him_! 

He did his best to put it from his mind and focus on Armin instead. He looked cute in his oversized sweater. And, he looked happy enough, but Jean could see through it. Armin was nervous. While Jean had no plans to try and dissuade Armin from going – partying was part of the college experience, after all – he could at least help calm him down.

“Hey, don’t be so nervous you dork. We’re going to a party, not an execution,” he teased, hoping to get a smile. Instead Jean got a red face and a nervous little laugh. He felt like an ass, especially when he heard Armin’s reply. 

“I know…I’ve just never been to one before. I’m sure it doesn’t need saying, but I wasn’t exactly the height of popularity in high school. Besides, I’ve never even really had a drink.”

Jean should’ve seen that one coming a mile away. He wondered, not for the last time, if this was really such a good idea. But before he could full contemplate that, he found himself speaking again. 

“Well, we don’t have to go you know. I mean it’s not like you’ve got anything to prove to Eren or anything,” he said.

And dammit, hadn’t he said he _wasn’t_ going to try to talk Armin out of this! But for some reason, when he looked back at Armin, he could see a flicker of something like panic creeping into his expression, like it did when Armin started overanalyzing everything that was said. He hastened to intervene before it took too much hold.

“But what I do know is that you asked me to take you out and have a good time, so that’s what I’m gonna do – whether you like it or not,” he said, grinning at him. It was like magic – the fear slipped silently back to wherever it came from and Armin beamed at him. 

It didn’t take them long to get to where they were going; Jean had intentionally picked a house he was very familiar with, partially because he knew he could get them in and also because he knew his track record with getting home after a night of partying wasn’t so great. He didn’t know why it was, but every time he drank he seemed to lose all sense of direction. 

The game was still going on, which Jean decided was a good thing; now he could ease Armin into it instead of throwing him in all at once.

“It’s a little slow now while the game is finishing up, but it’ll get better soon,” he assured Armin, who was glancing around the room in a surprisingly analytical fashion.

Jean noticed this sometimes; the way Armin would look around a new environment as if he were looking for something in particular and he always seemed relieved when he didn’t find it. Jean would have to ask him about it sometime. 

He decided that it was probably safe to leave Armin there while he went to go get them drinks. Armin had never had a drink before, but Jean figured he could start him off with a beer…at least the alcohol content would be low. The look on Armin’s face when he took a sip was simultaneously the most hilarious and cutest expression Jean had seen him make. He couldn’t help but laugh as he took the cup away. 

“Okay, no beer for you. That’s alright. It won’t go to waste,” Jean promised as Armin nodded at him. Jean took a swallow of it as he walked over to get Armin something else. Let’s see…what would he like? The choices were fairly limited; fraternity or not, college kids had budgets, and Jean had no intention of giving Armin a straight shot of anything. He fell back on an old standby for those looking to get drunk quick and not taste their alcohol. He would just keep an eye on Armin and make sure he didn’t drink too much. Armin looked at the cup as though he expected whatever was in to jump out and latch onto his face. 

“It’s just Mountain Dew and vodka,” Jean assured him, handing him the cup. 

Armin took a sip, looked thoughtful for a second and then nodded, telling Jean that he could handle it. He sipped it slowly at first, as he got used to the taste – Jean was almost finished with his first beer by the time Armin was half done – but after a while he seemed to stop caring. When Jean got up to get himself something a little stronger after his 2nd beer, Armin asked for one too, and grinned up at him with a larger than normal smile and flushed cheeks. He hadn’t been kidding when he said he had no tolerance…

When Jean finished his next drink, he was surprised to see that Armin had too. The blond was looking around with a big dopey smile on his face and cheering loudly with everyone else, even though Jean knew Armin didn’t care about football. Jean was glad to see he was enjoying himself and as the game finished up, the girl sitting next to Armin – Jean had seen her around a few times…what was her name? Sasha maybe? – turned to him and Armin almost immediately launched into conversation with her. He positively giggled at a joke she made, even though it wasn’t remotely funny. 

Jean listened with something like pride as Armin led the conversation, his words just a little slurred, but not stuttered. Jean couldn’t keep his eyes off him, and every once in a while, Armin would look over at him and catch his eye and Jean found it a little harder to breath. He felt like an idiot, but the way Armin kept smiling at him when this happened left him with absolutely no regrets. 

When Sasha brought Armin something else, Jean vaguely considered that maybe he should tell Armin to slow down, or maybe drink some water but someone poked him in the ribs and handed him a shot, telling him it was good stuff they had stolen from their parent’s liquor cabinet and well, Jean wasn’t going to turn that down – not that he had much idea was “good stuff” was. When he got up to get something – he ended up forgetting what it was – he could feel the ground spin a little, but he was fine. He knew his limits, and he was fine. He felt great, actually; happy – giddy, even – knowing that Armin was there with him. 

He sat down again – and there was another drink in his hands though he wasn’t sure where it had come from – and looked at the blond. Armin turned to him and grinned, saying something that Jean couldn’t hear over the music. He looked so damn happy, just to be there with everyone and to be talked to instead of ignored like Jean knew he often was. The brunette watched as Armin returned to entertaining Sasha – and now a few others – with a story that involved wild hand gestures. When he finished, a short boy with even shorter hair started talking and made a gesture with his hands as if he were trying to lift himself bodily from the floor by his own head. Armin giggled hysterically. God, he was just…adorable. 

Jean looked down at the drink in his hands. How many times? How many times had he gotten so drunk that he blacked out and didn’t remember getting home or didn’t make it home at all? He didn’t want that. Not this time. He wasn’t sure he had ever wanted it in the past either. It had sort of just…happened. Because it was easy to let it. It was easy to surrender his self-control and just let whatever happened happen. But he wanted to remember tonight. He wanted it to be a good night, for both of them. 

So Jean set his drink down. 

He stood up and asked someone where he could find some bottled water and took two of them. And then, after drinking most of one on his own, he returned to Armin and gently plucked the suspiciously full cup out of Armin’s hands, much to the blond’s dismay. 

“But Jeannnnn!” he whined, and it struck Jean as highly unfair that Armin had no idea how endearing that was. 

“Trust me, you’ll thank me tomorrow,” he said firmly. Armin didn’t protest again, just looked up at Jean with those big blue eyes as if he was thinking quite hard about something. He glanced at Jean’s cup and then at Jean and took a sip of water. 

“You didn’t finish your drink,” he said. He sounded confused, but it wasn’t a question. 

“No, I didn’t.” There was another pause as Armin drank some more. 

“Are we leaving soon?” he finally asked. 

“We can if you want,” Jean replied, and found that he actually didn’t mind the prospect of doing so. Armin looked around, surveying the room and thinking about God only knew what. Finally he looked back at Jean and simply peered at him for a moment. Even though Jean knew Armin was drunk, there was something about his gaze that made Jean feel irrationally vulnerable. 

“Yes please,” Armin finally agreed. 

“Okay then, I’ll take you home.” 

Armin got up, took a few steps and almost fell over. Jean hadn’t thought about that. Armin had been sitting all night and all the alcohol would be hitting him fully all at once. All Armin did about his near mishap was giggle. Jean swore to himself. He should’ve been paying more attention. He reached down and took a sip of what Armin had been drinking and swore again. What the fuck kind of college kid knew how to mix Long Island Ice Teas? 

Jean felt the guilt creeping in, like a knot in the pit of his stomach. He had promised Armin he’d take care of him and then had gone and let him have _Long Island Ice Tea_ of all things. Jean sighed and looked up at Armin who was swaying in place as though he was standing on the deck of a ship.

“Is it bad?” Armin asked. 

“No, just a little stronger than you should’ve had. Don’t worry, I’ll get you home. Come on,” he said, trying to sound reassuring.

“I know you will. I trust you.” And there was such earnestness in Armin’s words, in his blatant faith in Jean that it was Jean who ended up feeling reassured. 

Jean gave him a small smile and put his arm around Armin’s shoulder, steering him towards the door. No one really paid them any attention, which was just fine in Jean’s book. Once they were outside and in the fresh air, Armin’s face seemed to become slightly less green, but it was clear he was in no position to walk back to his dorm, even with Jean’s help. 

“Okay, my dorm is closer so I’m gonna take you back there, alright?” he asked. Armin giggled. 

“Okay, it’ll be like a sleepover,” he said brightly. Oh boy… Jean knelt down and motioned Armin over. 

“I’m gonna carry you, okay?” It took Armin a second to figure out what Jean wanted. 

“Like piggy back?” he asked. Jean suppressed an amused sigh. 

“Yes Armin, like piggy back. Now get on you big drunk nerd.” 

Armin clumsily managed to get himself wrapped around Jean and let himself be picked up. He wasn’t any heavier than he looked at least, which was a help given that Jean wasn’t at the height of sobriety either. In the end they made it back alright, which is to say they only came close to falling once when Armin had shifted unexpectedly in response to something he saw on the street. To his credit, Armin neither complained nor threw up. Instead he mumbled a ‘thank you’ into Jean’s neck as they walked, but wouldn’t say what it was for.

Reiner was on duty when they got back, and if he was at all surprised by the situation or Armin’s awkward salutation, he didn’t comment. Jean had grown to appreciate that; Reiner always minded his own business. Jean carried Armin as far as the elevators before putting him down. He was at a loss for words at Armin’s display. Like New Years…honestly. How old was he? 

“You have no idea how cute you are, do you?” he mused. Armin stared at him as though he had said something in a foreign language. 

“Cute?” he repeated. 

“Yeah, cute. You’re fuckin’ adorable, okay?” The smile that spread across Armin’s face indicated that it was very okay indeed.

Jean pushed Armin into the elevator and pushed the button for his floor, wondering if he should be concerned that Armin had suddenly gone so quiet. He didn’t say anything as Jean unlocked the door, when he nearly fell over while untying his shoes or while Jean cleared off the bed. Even when Jean turned down the covers and told Armin to get in he didn’t say anything. Maybe Jean should’ve kept that ‘cute’ comment to himself…

Jean was distracted momentarily when, after getting Armin some pajama pants, he realized he probably needed to help him into them, lest the blond topple over trying to get out of the legs of his jeans. He knew Armin was drunk, but Jean couldn’t help his reaction at seeing those pale slim legs, or the outline of Armin’s round bottom beneath his underwear. He swallowed and stood up, clearing his throat before ordering Armin under the covers. 

“But where are you going to sleep?” Armin asked, frowning up at him. 

“On the floor,” Jean said, going to his closet and pulling out a few other blankets to make himself up a bed. 

“Oh…okay. You could sleep up here with me,” the blond offered. And God that was tempting. Jean sighed and gave a tight smile. 

“Not tonight Armin…But here, if you need to puke, do it in the wastebasket,” he instructed, setting the bin next to the bed. 

“Why won’t you come up here with me?” Armin asked after a moment, sounding – Jean thought – disproportionately distressed over it. Jean sighed again. What could he tell him? That he was too worried he’d let his desires get the best of him? That he didn’t want to take advantage of him while he was drunk or scare him? 

“Because Armin I just…shouldn’t okay? It’s too…” ~~tempting~~ “you’re too…” ~~irresistible~~ “I just shouldn’t. But I’ll be right here and you can wake me up if you need me,” he said. Armin looked wounded but didn’t argue. Jean hoped he hadn’t fucked up. He’d never hurt Armin, or force him into any situation he didn’t want, but that was problem. Jean knew what he himself wanted. Or he had an idea of it, anyways. Armin had no idea. Or at least, Jean didn’t have any way of knowing for sure. But he was sure that if they ended up in a compromising situation, Armin would go along with it rather than risk rejection, or rather, risk losing Jean’s affection. And that was simply a position he was not willing to put either of them in. 

Armin finally agreed but demanded that Jean come over to the bed first. Jean sat down on the bed to humor him, amused by the tone of his voice; half authoritative, half asking. 

“I want to kiss you.” 

Now _that_ got his attention. 

He should say no, for all the same reasons that he wouldn’t sleep in the bed with him. Armin was drunk. It wasn’t right. But damn…he wanted it bad. Besides…Armin had asked him, and it was only a kiss so…that was pretty harmless, right?

Jean didn’t think on it very long. Instead he leaned in, pressing his lips to Armin’s. It was slow and a little clumsy and certainly not the best kiss he’d ever had, but it was very good. And after so long trying to deny himself these feelings, it felt like heaven. When they broke apart, Armin beamed at him. 

“That was better than I imagined it would be,” he said, giving what sounded like a very satisfied sigh as he flopped down. Jean tried not to think too hard about what that meant, that Armin had admittedly imagined what kissing Jean would be like. 

“I hope I remember this tomorrow…maybe I shouldn’t have had so much,” Armin said, showing – in Jean’s opinion – a surprising level of clarity. 

“Maybe not, light-weight. But you’ll be fine. I just hope you don’t clock me when you _do_ remember it,” he teased, though only half so. He truly did hope that Armin wouldn’t be angry when he woke, or it would certainly spell disaster for Jean. 

“Now go to sleep, you’ll feel better in the morning. There’s a water bottle right here for you,” he said, pointing it out and then watching as Armin closed his eyes and rolled into a more comfortable position. 

“Thank you Jean. I had fun tonight…” he mumbled, sounding more asleep than awake already. 

“I should be thanking you, I think,” Jean muttered, though he wasn’t sure that Armin even heard. Perhaps that was for the best. 

Jean couldn’t help but think that he owed Armin for something. Maybe for finally giving him a reason to set his cup down, for giving him something that made it more worth being sober than drunk. He wasn’t stupid enough to think that it would fix everything. He knew that eventually he’d have to tell Armin the truth, but he didn’t know when or how he’d do that anymore than he knew what tonight meant for them, how it would change their relationship, if it would at all. Jean thought he wanted it to, and it occurred to him that if he did, he would probably have to take the next step in doing so. Maybe they could start with a date. Having made up his mind and realizing that he felt no guilt over it, Jean turned off the lights and went to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, here is the promised bonus chapter which, as I mentioned before, is the party scene but from Jean's perspective. Hopefully you all enjoy it!


End file.
